Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Meghan is there any attraction at all? I'm a bit of a slow burner in this respect, it takes me a few dates to decide if I fancy someone (I've been on 4 dates with Mr DiamondMine now and we just kissed on the 4th date), but I thought he was attractive and definitely got a bit of a spark with him on the first date, a bit more on the second, and definitely knew that I fancied him on the 3rd. I don't think there have to be fireworks right from the off and things can grow, but there does have to be some kind of initial attraction which should build each time you see them.

I'd say something along the lines of

Oh no sorry you may have got the wrong end of the stick. Context can get lost in text translation.

I'd like to meet again if your up for that too?

But put better and in your own words. If u like him as much as you seem to...you don't want any misunderstandings or miscommunication. Go for it

TomHardy it would seem the reason MrArrogant (great name change Vet) has been single so long is becoming apparent. It is sooo rude and there just isn't an excuse. I'd be cutting that iron lose. Your time is definitely worth more!!

Well, I think the ‘no worries’ was in response to me thanking him and saying I really enjoyed last night. But I don’t know if he likes me like ‘that’ or not. Argh, I’m rubbish at this.

Chat,

Just play it cool, it's hard but it's what you have to do.

But what does that mean, ‘play it cool’?

LeChat you have two choice - either carry on with the chit chat and get frustrated at a lack of second date. Or just ask him when he's free to meet again.

TomHardy I would just ignore him now. That's so rude. No one is that busy they can't reply even just to say I'll get back to you.

Meghan 5 dates and not feeling any chemistry? Then I'd say it was time to move on. You should be enjoying his company by now.

I'm now child free for 4 days with no dates and no definite plans. A well meaning, married friend said I should forget about trying to find a man and just get on with enjoying my life.

While I get what she was saying - looking at the apps, the ups and downs of dates that go bad or don't happen etc are quite draining - I questioned her (light-heartedly) about what I was supposed to do with myself when I'm on my own. All my friends are in relationships and not a single one has any spare time over the weekend to do anything with me.

I've got things I can do during the day but it's the evenings that I get lonely and end up on the dating apps just for something to do. And I just wondered what other people do in the evenings.

@RunsforCake14 I think we are living parallel lives. Also child and date free for 4 days. My Saturday is booked but that's it. It's lonely.

Runs exercise class. I get lonely in the evenings but I've found doing 2-3 a week gets me out and making friends or at least chatting to adults

Wheely exercise class is a great idea but out of the question for quite a while as I have an injury that won't allow me to do anything more than slow walking.

It's the opportunity to chat to adults that I miss. I work alone so I'm in danger of becoming a batty old woman who talks to herself!

looking sorry to hear you're feeling lonely as well.

Ewww... bloke on Bumble who initially seemed normal asked me what size feet I have and if I mind them being played with. Boke 🤢

Ugh!!!

He was unmatched with no reply! Good that he showed the weird early though

Can I ask some advice??

Met a guy on tinder 3 months ago... initially very attentive and phoned etc once we met he made it clear he really liked me. All good I really liked him too. We don't get to see each other often due to work and kids but he lives about 5 mins from me so close enough to pop in etc. He texts me everyday good morning texts but doesn't ask much about my world or retain much info I tell him.

Last week was great very keen saw him 3 times all good... this week he's texted and replied but it's been hard work I feel and I've not seen him even tho there has been times we could of met even just for a hour. I just feel some weeks are great and some hard work and I don't get much from him even tho he texts everyday. He's said he's getting feelings for me and is very into me but this doesn't translate into his behaviour.

Shall I keep ploughing in it cut it off?? I'm excited to spend time with him but it's felt like wading through treacle this week. Hot and cold and I really do t want to get into that kinda thing.

Have tried to bring it up but he just answers the bits he wants and ignores the other....

Any advice? Sorry it's so long (and boring) I'm bored of my own issue lol

User sounds like he has the control of when you meet?

The starting point is usually when people make the most effort after that the reality kicks in.

He def controls when I see him... I feel like I'm sitting around waiting like an idiot. I've put it down to his weird shifts but don't think it is tbh. Last week was great this week he's cooled off and it's happened before. Can't be doing with it we should both be excited to see each other at this point 🙄 I don't think this is going anywhere which is a shame as looked really promising for a bit...

Ffs so pissed off with the false starts

Can anyone help with my decision about Mr Cute?

Cons
Quite likely to move 2-3 hours away in a year or 2 (I have DCs and settled)
After 7-8 weeks dating he still doesn't see me as his GF, but 'dating' (but we were exclusive early on)
He is planning holidays with friends in known drinking (pulling) resorts says it's a beach holiday
I don't feel as though he is developing feelings, but I am on the verge of more.
When I highlight things I'm not sure about he thinks I'm being cruel.

Pros
I fancy him, great sex
We have similar backrounds and can chat for hours
He will reply to texts and we see each other regularly

I just feel like something is missing!

Vet, Runs and Spring you lot are amazing. I love his name change. You have so helped keep me sane and see him for what he is. I was tempted to message him and say that since he'd not replied I've now made other plans, but I can't be bothered. He's just not worth it.

Runs I also go on dating apps in the evening as I get bored too. I'd love to meet someone in real life but I just can't see it happening. Chatting online can be fun at times, if you're in the right frame of mind for it.

Choc it sounds to me like he's not totally invested in you yet. Sounds promising in that you get on and he messaged you. I'd be a bit wary of the holiday though. If you get on so well, could you just sit down and have the whole bf/gf chat?

Thanks Tom I think you're right it's less investment than I want. I don't want a proposal, but I want him to reassure me that if he does go on holiday or work away that I still factor in somewhere. I think I'm just an option.

I'm also so scared of being hurt that I am more likely to walk away than be with someone even with Amber flags. I think the thing that may be missing is a bit more confidence from me just to ask questions at the time. It means I can date for weeks trying unsuccessfully to have deeper conversations.

Tom you sound as though you are getting stronger to move on from a relationship that isn't going anywhere.

So I've been talking with a new guy also, he just added me on Facebook and I've looked through his photos and realised he's not that cute after all. The photos he had on his Tinder were side shots so he looked pretty good. Head on he's not that cute at all. Arghhhh. I hate the deceptive photos.

@user1494066152 I wasted 5 months on a guy like that. They will pick you up and use you when they like then disappear again. Are you exclusive? If not, be wary he's not meeting other women too. I would move on and not waste any more time. Guys like him always make effort at first and when they have you that's it they're not as bothered.

Choc it's a difficult one as you don't want to appear needy. If there are no red flags, maybe you just need to trust what you see. I know that's hard if you've been hurt in the past.

Has been away before but still kept in touch? The holiday thing would concern me, but I also lack confidence in relationships.

Perhaps he's just not one for being emotional. In his mind, everything is probably okay and he doesn't need to say anything to reassure you. You could make a bit of a joke if it and ask if you're his girlfriend.

Tom I'm starting to wonder if I should just be needy. I think I need him to show a sign that he cares what happens. Instead he tells me things like his friend is listening to his new girlfriend too much. Most of his messages are sexting. All feels a bit shallow.

Hey. Can I join? I've just joined an OLD site for the first time. So far I've exchanged messages with 3 people. It's scary! Recently out of a long LTR and not really interested in another one, but looking for some dating distraction... I feel like I'm entering a whole new world where I don't know the rules or the language at all.

How do you move from the small-talk-chat to the do-you-want-to-meet-up chat without being pushy? or is there an intermediate stage? I feel like a teenager, no clue at all!

Also, I've seen 2 people I know in RL on there. One who is a sort-of friend (not close, but friends in common, and know to chat to, on FB etc) and the other is someone I know through work. How to deal with that? Move swiftly on, or acknowledge in passing? Seems odd to ignore?