Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

"Hey" wouldn't cut it for me either. I'd think they are either very young or incapable of decent conversation. I'm 41, "hey" might have worked when I was a young teenager but certainly wouldn't now and you can tell quite a lot from how someone communicates online. "Hey" says I can't be arsed but fancy my chances of getting into your knickers.

I happily message first. I'll say hello and their name do that they know I'm not copy and pasting all my replies and then comment on whatever is what about their picture and profile that caught my attention. For instance one guy had a really friendly happy smile which was a refreshing change from all the trying to be cool selfies or pictures of dogs. He liked some of the same music artists as me so I commented on that too and said it would be great to hear from him if he wanted to get in touch.

I guess it depends what you're looking for though and how many matches you are messaging. If you've got loads of matches you are interested in then long messages are going to be time consuming so I'd do a shorter version of the above. You have to show you've read their profile and what has interested you as a bare minimum I think if you are actually looking for a relationship.

I feel like 'hey' is such low effort and what they send to everyone in the hope of one or two responding. I feel it's different for girls to send that though...I know that sounds silly, I just do. I've just asked a couple of guys on Bumble how their weeks going. argh.

To be fair, I'm just not finding much potential at the moment. Tinder I feel I've exhausted haha. Will give Bumble a go. Any other non paying sites apart from POF, Tinder and Bumble that are worth a go?

I think my 'hey' lack of effort is pure OLD boredom!

Had four dates now with a lovely guy off POF (first foray into OLD so am amazed I met someone nice first time). Am just doing such a bad job of playing it cool. We message all evening, then talk on the phone for an hour or so, message in the morning and lunch time if we can and I’m finding I’m reading so much into things like ... if he did something a bit different the week before (even though I’m fully aware things just change as you progress!). I like him so much and I’m so worried it goes wrong. He’ll say things like ‘one sleep’ till he sees me again etc and originally was quite forthcoming about what he’s looking for whereas now he’s a bit more reserved but maybe he thinks that telling me once was enough (which it should be, I am ridiculous). Am I looking for red flags where there are none? I enjoy his company so much but he comes across different on WhatsApp. I’m terrible for telling myself that something I think is ‘my intuition’ and it’s always 100% correct when really it’s not. Have been massively s* on before by a man I was absolutely in love with so am probably going to completely mess this up!!!

Things are looking up on Bumble

I’m chatting to Mr Doctor who, so far, is warm, articulate, seems keen AND I fancy him!

Has anyone come across RSVP?
I found it by googling singles events near me. They seem to arrange a lot of events plus have a dating coach to help you write your profile, find matches etc. But no information on how much it costs (a lot I suspect).

Cat. I've learnt that unfortunately that kind of intensity is not good long term. Too full on too soon is a major red flag. How long have you known him?

Cat
amp.uk.businessinsider.com/what-is-love-bombing-2017-7

Please read this. Your post reminds me of when this happened to me and I wish I'd have known about love bombing then. Thankfully he saw he wasn't going to be able to control me and ended it.

Not long ... our first date was at the end of April.
The one thing that’s upsetting me is I’m losing my me time but it’s my own fault for allowing it xx

Red flags red flags red flags!!!! Losing you time should definitely not be happening after 3 weeks! This man has got you hooked. Step back as a bare minimum. Preferably step away.

@lookingforbutterflies ahh yes I completely feel like just writing 'hey' or sending a GIF to these guys, but I feel on a guys part they should make effort...how ridiculous is that haha.

@catmatrat Aww I'm glad about that. But I've been in that situation where it all seems so perfect early on and then after a while the effort starts slipping and the true person is revealed. Did he say he wanted a relationship early on? Just be clear that's what you want. There is nothing worse than being fooled by someone who changes their mind but forgets to tell you.

@LeChatDeNuit eeek I love an articulate man. Sounds promising.

@RunsforCake14 never heard of it, although yes sounds expensive!

Well my Sunday date has ignored my last question I sent at 6pm but has been on Tinder. I don't think I can be bothered with him. His chat was dull. Hate how fickle this all is.

Oh. I’m a bit worried now but tbf what I’ve just said on here he could say too ... that he really likes me but is losing his me time because we text all the time. I think we are both as bad as each other with it. I know I could just not text him back and he wouldn’t pester me or anything but I do text him because I like speaking to him ... then the nights gone and I’ve got absolutely nothing done and I feel miserable and stressed. I want to somehow find a balance without him thinking I’m not interested. I’ll have a read at that link. I thought love bombing was more overly affectionate etc.

Yes he said he wants a relationship. It was me playing the whole ‘let’s see how it goes’ thing and now I’m all BE MY BOYFRIEND 😂
He’s going on a long holiday in a few weeks so I’d kind of said we’d talk when he comes back and I think it’ll be good as it’ll allow us to naturally chill out a bit or he may well decide he’s not interested at all xx

I decided to follow Amy Young's advice of setting the bar for expectations for early dating high and told Mr Cute this evening that I wasn't happy with putting more effort and time into arranging our time together than him.

I though he may be defensive or say I was needy. Instead he apologised and has arranged things for us to do later this week. So far so goof

Good!

oh cat thats all a bit intense for 3 weeks! with my last iron we had 1 date every 2 weeks, before that with my last relationship we were texting for 3 weeks before we went on our first date!

sometimes when things progress that quick they have nowhere to go but downhill. just my opinion, id love for it to work out for you

I'm awake very early for no apparent reason.

Just wondering - you know you get those men who like to tell you unnecessary info about all their exes/ about random women they've hooked up with/ women that have come on to them that day irl or online/ say things like 'why do girls/ women' always do XYZ....

Does it make me a jealous/ oversensitive/ insecure person for not wanting to hear it when they're "just being open and honest" (apparently)? Or just that the guy is a dick trying to make himself sound good and make you feel grateful?

costa - definitely the latter (ie they are a dick). Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Costa it means they are an immature dick waving a plethora of red flags over their heads. Run.

anitt and LiteraryDevil Thanks ladies - that backs up my thinking exactly. I'm not a particularly jealous person, I think people will do what they're going to do anyway so no point worrying about it, but I dont like being manipulated or goaded into reacting to those kind of things.

Like you say, immature and big red flag alert. Hugely unsophisticated and cringeworthy.

Nice telephone call with Spanish lady last night. I just realised that I'm 7 years older than her too....

She told me in a round-a-bout way that whilst she wants a BF she doesn't want to lose her independence of end up seeing someone every day. "2 or 3 days a week is the best"

She sounds perfect :)

A47 it is good that you are aware of each others expectations at an early stage. I hope your date goes well whatever footwear you decide on.

Right, so completely out of the blue I get a message stating that "she will struggle with my vaping" (I'm not a vape wanker) just have a very small one I use from time to time and she "wishes me all the best"

I can't even be bothered to argue and put my point across.

Ha ha ha. You have got to love online dating. It's metal, we had a smashing telephone call last night.

I'm still going to go to the bay though, have a few beers and wear my bloody flip flops.

*mental, not metal.

And there was you thinking she was perfect!
I'm not sure about vaping tolerance in general but I know none of my friends like it and for me it's a big no. It's good she was honest about it although if you'd not met his did she know you were a vaper?

I told her and to be fair it was good she was honest about it.

I'll adjust my profile accordingly I think.