Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Had a lovely first date last night with someone I have been messaging for a week or two. We chatted non-stop and have loads in common - he lives local to me - all good but I'm not physically attracted to him - he has left the ball in my court - I'm off on holiday in the next few days so no way we can meet up before then. Such a shame.

Can I join?. Started OLD about 6 weeks ago.

1. Met for coffee and walk v pleasant but no spark and just wouldn't work
2. Mr shy. Lovely chat have seen him 3 times and seeing him later for walk. He is lovely but I do not fancy him. How do I tell him that I can't see it going any further. Do i message him or tell him face to face?
3. Mr massage man. Pleasant, quite attractive, broke all the rules and ended up in his bed. Few texts after but not bothered
4. Mr hot! Smitten.

So I didn't intend Mr hot to happen whilst I'd had a couple of dates with Mr shy. But my feelings for Mr shy have not changed.

Should I message Mr shy before this afternoon to give him the option of cancelling? Help

Musical I'd send him a polite message saying that he's lovely but you don't feel a spark and so you don't want to see him again. Don't even meet him later if there's nothing there.

Loco sexual incompatibility for me would be a no. I was in a not great relationship for many years, I prefer to be single now than to compromise on what is important. Yes you can leanr and grow etc, but if the attraction isn't there, I can't see that improving. Depends on what is important to YOU though.

Val sounds promising, the h oliday is good as it will give you some natural breathing time and him time to miss you ;)

musical I would tell him face to face personally, but I am a sap.

I got a message off Mr French 24 hours ago, I am not playing games with him but can't really be assed to reply just yet. Normally I reply quite quickly. Still feeling unwell, must go to the doctors but also can't be arsed to sit there for three hours. I have deleted tinder again as I have a lot to focus on with work and personal life in the next few months (and summer is coming :)

Pud Hope you start to feel better soon - answer Mr French when/if you want to. I wasn't clear in my message - such a shame was because I don't fancy him - not that I can't meet up with him again soon!!!!

Need a reality check please - found out inadvertently that my Mr Headfuck either has a girlfriend or has had different girlfriends while we've been seeing eachother. I feel really hurt that I've either been his bit on the side or his filler girl while he dates other people. Am I overreacting feeling like this or just being human? What should I do now as can't help feeling gutted and like I've been played for a fool.

Of course you're not overreacting Costa, it's a bit worrying that you'd even think that you might be in this situation. The clue is really in the name 'Mr Headfuck'; you need to dump him, he's clearly an asshat waste of space and no good for you. They can only fuck with your head if you let them do it.

Oh, and you're not a fool, but you would be if you don't cut him off now. Don't 'hear him out'/let him explain/try to talk to him to make him see or change his behaviour, none of it will serve any purpose in the long run other than to waste more of your time and headspace. He's an arsehole, that's all the explanation you need.

Sorry though, it sucks, but some people really are just shitty and it's a waste of your time trying to engage with them or analyse why

Costa it’s ok to feel gutted but don’t let it eat you up, be greatful that you are not with him as he’s just a twat. Pick yourself up, move on and forget about him. I have come across many men like him in my 3 years of dating, they are not worth beating yourself up for. I wouldn’t contact him, it’s not worth upsetting yourself more, he’s not worth the head space as you know nothing will ever come of it. Go no contact, hold your head up high and move on. I think it’s a lesson we all have to learn, that usually if we have a feeling something isn’t right it usually isn’t and it’s best to walk away (I need to learn this too).

VetOnCall and Lovemusic33 Thank you for being so kind. Shows how screwed up my head is that I even have to ask if how I'm reacting is normal. I'm just so gutted and humiliated for being so gullible and trusting. I really felt something for him. I need to just block him don't I? Not that I expect him to get in touch after I told him never to contact me again yesterday.

morning all!

so I called out mrbooks on his non date organising... and nothing. I can see he has read the texts - but not replied. Seriously, I thought this guy had potential, he's told me loads about his life, some quite personal stuff and was interested in mine too.

How can it go from texting/calling and getting on great - and he mentioned some places he'd like to take me, even asked if I was free midweek (this was at the weekend) and then nothing. Just chatting, nice chatting but no 'lets go for lunch/dinner/drinks/coffee'

So, Im done with him. Jesus, we have to sift through lots of frogs on OLD dont we?

costa dust yourself off and re evaluate your thought process. YOU are the prize. Sadly, there are many MANY guys out there who are players. ^ See my above post^ . You are the prize!

musical go with who you want - but dont see the friend zone guys.

Life is too short to have bad sex - and you absolutely have to fancy them

costa . yes block him - that is taking back control. BLOCK HIM! And be kind to yourself. Dont beat yourself up over this.

and Mrsnog was over again last night... all I can say is the sex was amazing.

Costa it's natural but you have no reason to feel humiliated. You're a normal, nice, trusting person, that's a good thing! Unfortunately he's not worthy of your trust but you have to just chalk it up to experience and move on. You absolutely do need to block him and not look back. Don't try to figure him out, don't let him waste any more of your time and don't give him the opportunity to make you feel like this ever again.

costa we are often attracted to the bad ones, I think sometimes the fact we know they are bad makes us want them more
Just keep telling yourself that you deserve better, the problem wasn’t to do with you it’s him, he’s lived up to his name. You didn’t do anything wrong.

I haven’t spoken to Mr Tinder, I expect he will attempt to talk to me later when he wakes up but I have so much other stuff going on right now that he is at the bottom of my list.

I've known someone (in a non biblical sense) for 6 years now - he is essentially a friend - but he backed off contact recently after I expressed alarm at him contacting me so much (about 10 times a day). I now miss him being in contact. I mean he texted last night and I've only just texted back

I'll ask him to take me out soon. We live about an hour apart.

Jax and Vet you're so right. Hes got to be blocked. He's already trying to turn things round round to make me the one in the wrong! How do they manage that?! love I know exactly what you mean - what is it about he bad ones and why do we always have to learn the hard way.

It's hard not to feel the urge to have my say and ask questions but I know it's futile and just dragging it out longer than is needed.

block block block! I had this advice with Mr French and I have archived my chats with Mr books. I wont contact either. They are idiots and it is their loss. No point even having a conversation with them about their behaviour. Its them, not us!

Go block him now.

Mr Tinder has messaged asking if he can collect his house key (he gave me a key to is house even though I didn’t want it) as he needs to lend it to the neighbour. Told him I will leave it somewhere for him to collect as I am out all day tomorrow (thank god). Not sure if he was using this as a reason to come over but it hasn’t worked as I won’t be here. He then asked me to call him, I told him I didn’t want too talk to anyone, I have had a really shit day and tbh I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I think I have now pissed him off but if he doesn’t understand that m not in the mood to talk then he can fuck off.

Jax sorry to hear about Mr Books. I've been in a similar situation. It baffles me. I'd rather just get a polite 'thanks but no thanks' message than nothing at all. MrSnog sounds amazing though. Have fun!

Love I wonder if MrTinder just doesn't get it? He almost seems to be acting as if nothing is wrong. Sorry to hear you have had a bad day though. That's rubbish. When you're feeling stronger, I'd really consider just ending it with him once and for all. You deserve so much better.

Costa loads of good advice already, but block him and move on. I have several blocked contacts now after OLD and loads of archived conversations. I put it all down to experience.

I'm now avoiding OLD (although I did check Soulmates last night, but that's just dull). I actually feel a better and very liberated person for not being tied to my phone/dating apps all the time.

Nothing from MrAcademic since I asked him out on Monday (he said he was busy). He's now archived.

Tonight’s joy:

Me: so have you been on many OKC dates?

Mr Dickhead: yes. A surprising number of people have aspergers

Me: did they tell you that?

Mr Dickhead: some did. And others it was obvious. They were weird

Me: OK. A bit of armchair diagnosis there

Mr Dickhead: I get the feeling I’m being diagnosed an arsehole

Me: labelling people you think are weird as having Asperger’s is quite unpleasant, yes

Mr Dickhead: ^^

Agh costa your ppsy about mister headfuck mame me so angry on your behalf! I met a bloke on match who would do a 180 like that and blame me for something pricking he had done! Please tell him to fuck off and dont give in like I did!! Shudder.

Oh and I had a little chat with MisterDoubt & was quite honest with him. Will see if we can improve things as I do want thing to work. I may have not used the correct terms to explain how I am feeling. I want to try and guide him before I decide to call it a day. Worth a shot. I am going to try a few different things and be a bit more directive to see if that helps.
I really think nice kind patient reasonable men are rare so I dont want to call it a day without trying.
He seemed a bit... confused "I dont know what Im doing wrong?". He truggles to maintain an erection so everything seems to dictated by that golden moment - I think that dominates the experience. Lets see...

Swapped loads of messages with a lovely Spanish teacher from Cardiff. Think I may have a dinner date for the bank holiday weekend.

However, she said she was afraid of hurting men she met on line which was a bit weird and a bit overly confident as far as I could tell.

He truggles to maintain an erection so everything seems to dictated by that golden moment

There are pills for that, which you can quite literally pick up at the Supermarket.

I had a bit of a flurry of Tinder activity yesterday and am talking to one who could be a prospect, I'll call him Mr Oz, he's away for the weekend but has asked to meet for a coffee next week. Then there's the other one who I think is the most genuinely funny bloke I've come across in all my time on OLD. We've sent quite a few messages on Tinder and now on WhatsApp and there seems to be that easy sparky flowy conversation where you bounce off the other person and make each other funny if you know what I mean. He's 39 so in my ideal age range, tall and good looking, divorced, good job and no kids so I'm wondering what the catch is. I daresay I'll find out soon enough I'll call him Mr Computer.

I'm still hoping to see Mr DiamondMine again but still not putting all my eggs into anyone's basket!

Vet he sounds great. I absolutely love it when you get that sort of conversation. It doesn't happen often. Fingers crossed for you on this one.