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Original poster

Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

999 replies

Jaxinthebox · 03/05/2018 07:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 15/05/2018 23:41

Go for it Choc, I think it's nice that he's relaxed about you meeting his friend and it sounds like a fun event.

I'm rubbish at both giving off and reading the initial 'interested' signs and get really easily embarrassed when it comes to the first proper kiss etc. I know I come across as physically standoffish/friendly but romantically uninterested in the first one or two dates; I can't be really tactile with someone I've just met. It is just the first moves that I find awkward though, I'm fine after that Grin

He just WhatsApped to say he had a lovely time and is really looking forward to seeing me again soon - he's suggested going for dinner at the weekend Smile

Chocmallows · 15/05/2018 23:50

Vet it's ok you must have given some good signs as he has taken the risk to say he enjoyed himself and to suggest date 2!

VetOnCall · 16/05/2018 00:09

This will be date 3, it's just been about 6 weeks between dates 1 and 2, mostly due to him having done his back in!

esk1mo · 16/05/2018 01:14

im the same vet it takes me at least 3 dates to want to kiss, and probably a month or two so for hand holding/proper coupley body language! (outside of the boudoir anyway)

my last iron put his arm around me when out walking on our 3rd date and it felt so weird and forced. eurgh.

TomHardysBitontheside · 16/05/2018 07:21

You are all so restrained. I'm very tactile and affectionate and find it far too easy to kiss on a first/second date. I need to stop that really as I think it makes me seem needy.

Vet he sounds just lovely. I'd love to meet someone who sends lovely messages after a date and wants to meet again.

Choc I'm glad you're going. It sounds like a fab event and it's great he doesn't mind you meeting his friend. It will be very easy to stand and watch bands holding hands.

Chocmallows · 16/05/2018 08:12

Tom it should be possible, but I have realised that the reason I'm wavering is that Mr Cutie's interest overall seems to have dropped. I know about the man cave and in some ways he shows interest, but it can be mixed messaged and he has hurt my feelings by forgetting something important that I told him. He purposely tried to remember at the time. When reminded he still didn't say much.

I've decided to ask him if he sees me as potential GF or more as a friend. I just don't want to go along in a drift for months to find out he isn't really looking for a ltr. It would feel sad, but there are more fish in the sea and I like the saying that all friends were strangers once and potential partners can be there - just have to meet new people.

TomHardysBitontheside · 16/05/2018 08:43

choc remind me how long you've been dating? I would be annoyed if someone forgot something important I'd told them. Maybe this could be a slow burner? He might just need time and space to realise he wants you. You could ask him outright, but that may well scare him away. It's so difficult isn't it? I'm usually very clear about what I want and would happily let someone know. I don't feel the need to play games. I'm too old for that. Hope it works out!

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 08:47

I am feeling a bit deflated this morning. The guy I have been seeing from OLD still has a OLD account - this isn't the site that we met on. I did bring it up with him last night and he said he hasnt used it since we met and just never got around to deleting it, he just deleted the app. He was working last night so we havent really had a proper conversation about it. I have no other reason to doubt him so considering giving him the benefit of the doubt this time. I didn't use some of my accounts much so it did make me doubt whether I deleted my profile or just the app too.

It has been about 5 months and I have met some of his family and had dinner/ drinks with his friends. We see each other 2/3 times a week - which is plenty for me- and it is usual that we stay in one night a week and out the rest for dates.

I am not planning on contacting him today and see what he has to say. I normally have bad anxiety though and I am calm this morning so shows how far I have come Smile. He hasn't actually been online this morning yet. I did write down everything I wanted to say to him to get it off my mind so I can send that or not later, if necessary.

Tom I kiss on a first/second date too often as well Blush

A4710Rider · 16/05/2018 09:10

Lasted all of 10 minutes on POF before I had to close it down.

Most of the men are just after a shag and most of the women have been burned by the aforementioned men.

I also came to the conclusion that I may live in one of the less good looking areas in the UK..........

Chocmallows · 16/05/2018 09:11

Thanks Tom it's only been a month, but I think I feel a bit sorry for myself and now looking at the negatives. My gut feeling is that there could be a bit of game playing or just that he doesn't want to get too serious too quickly. He has mentioned friends doing things "too early" for Gfs, when it sounds to me like consideration.

I know if it was the other way around that I would have shown more enthusiasm and that so far I already have. I don't want a happy passenger in my life I want some passion and excitement, to feel special.

I have sent the message. He will either call me needy (I'll end it) or show more interest. Either way I will be in a better position than now.

It really helps to share on here as I'm feeling miserable.

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 09:28

It really helps to share on here as I'm feeling miserable.

This exactly today!

pudding21 · 16/05/2018 09:53

Morning daters :)

Still dying here from flu, dengue fever, kidenyt infection or whatever it is. Totally meh with the whole dating thing. Mr French continues to fuck with my head and I cannot be arsed with it anymore.

Choc you did the right thing to say about it if it is bothering you. I think we angst way too much, remember if its not right for you its not right.

Love stay strong. He has shown several traits I would not want in a future partner, the biggest one being he isn't HEARING you. You are being clear, he is only thinking of himself. Its moved way too fast ouot of the dating period into pipe and slipper territory. I want a partner in the future who understands me without me having to say too much, or LISTENS when I tell them something.

MinnieMul hope he clears your anxiety and its just he hasn't deleted it, out of interest how did you realise he still had an account?

Vet nice to hear your update about Mr DiamondMine, he sounds keen.

jonsnow has your iron got any hot eligible friends?

Right, off to feel even more sorrow for myself now. Have a nice day everyone!

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 10:01

pudding a friend saw it and told me Hmm was half tempted to ask her to swipe and see if they matched to know whether he is still using but it was late and I just thought I'd call him out on it.

Be careful if you have a kidney infection, I ended up in hospital for a week just before Christmas because of an awful one!

Mumofanarchy · 16/05/2018 10:30

Another success story here! I was on the thread a long time ago under a different name and my MrComputer and I are still going strong two years after meeting on tinder! We are house hunting at the moment!

I still lurk as I like to remind myself of just how difficult the dating game was...all the ups and downs you guys are experiencing were mine once upon a time and I think it makes me appreciate him so much more.

Keep going everyone and take no shit! Being the prize is the best piece of advice anyone can ever give you and after being ghosted and pissed about and even doing a bit of settling and running after people, everything all clicked into place with MrComputer, he made me feel like I was worth winning, at any cost!

Lovemusic33 · 16/05/2018 10:36

Thanks pud , I haven’t replied to yesterday’s message from him, the one that listed how he was going to solve the issues (with ideas that are not really going to work). I don’t know how to reply, I feel like I’m continuessly moaning at him but at the same time I feel he isn’t really thinking through the issues I have mentioned to him. I told him that I like to go out a lot in the summer (I’m rarely at home) and he won’t be able to come if he has the dog with him, he has said that he will leave the dog at home. He works nights and leaves the dog home for 8 hours, leaving it for the weekend too is just unfair on the dog when the dog is used to going everywhere with him (up until a few weeks ago the dog was even going to work with him). He has said that he won’t have the dog upstairs when he stays, so where will the dog go? I can’t keep it downstairs with my dog and I don’t really want it in the house scaring my cat so there’s no real solution, it means he can’t stay over (which is fine with me but he doesn’t seem to get this). I can’t be bothered to message him back as I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall.

esk1mo · 16/05/2018 10:47

minnie was it Tinder? because if you delete the app and are no longer active, you dont show to other people after a week or so

A4710Rider · 16/05/2018 10:49

Do you have to have facebook to have Tinder? I don't have the former.

Thanks

Chocmallows · 16/05/2018 10:53

Love I would say "You aren't listening, you can't stay over, but I'm happy to go on dates with you".

Mr Cute has replied. Some of it is reassuring, he agrees he should put more effort in when talking/ thinking about me and we may see each other earlier than we were planning to. He says it's early days and points out that I often have to leave early. I have childcare, but only 2 nights free each week and other days only brief breaks he doesn't have DCs, this could cause some issues!

Jonsnowsghost · 16/05/2018 11:09

Not that I'm aware of, sorry Grin

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 11:10

esk1mo it wasn't Tinder - we met on Tinder and I know he deleted his account well before I did. I do think he was maybe more active on Tinder and forgot about the other one. I am being careful though.

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 11:12

A4710 you can use a mobile number with Tinder, I believe.

A4710Rider · 16/05/2018 11:14

Thanks, although the thought of entering Tinderland at 47 feels a bit amiss.

MinnieMul7 · 16/05/2018 11:18

A4710 Go for it you have nothing to lose! It probably isn't as bad as you think.

pudding21 · 16/05/2018 11:33

Love ths issue isn't whether his dog is humping yours or scaring the cat. The issue is he isn't taking your opinions seriously enough nor does he seem to be making much effort. He just isn't listening. You have mentioned a few times about being out and about in the summer, and him working nights, is that likely to change?

Realistically in 1 years time, can you see yourself with him? I know you like him and you have got to know him a little bit, but it shouldn't be so much stress so early on should it? It sounds to me like he has just "invaded" your life, does he have many interests outside of work?

A4 you can use your phone number not facebook. My mum signed up for tinder at the grand old age of 67. It wasn't for her, but in your age range there should be some good ones out there!

Jpony · 16/05/2018 12:18

I've been OLD two years now and am yet to find a good one but I've seen loads of success on this thread and my sister met a great man through pof, they now live in a big house and have two kids after meeting 4 years ago. It can happen.

I've just had my first catfish. After him delaying meeting up I reverse imaged him and found he's actually a Spanish footballer 😂 lesson learnt 🤦‍♀️