Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi all I took a break from OLD after meeting what I thought was a genuine man, only to later discover he was married. It really made me question my ability to judge people (I always thought I was a good judge of character).

So after a few months off and spending some time time working on my self esteem (lost weight, took up new activities) I decided it was time to try again.

So here is my dilemma over the last week I have chatted to and met what appears to be two normal lovely men. Both want second dates, both are respectful with there texting and both appear genuine.

I'm not a player so wouldn't feel comfortable dating both, but not sure how to play this so early on (never had this issue before).

love i think vet makes a really good point

you can't really fundamentally change someone and if you don't get on then you don't get on

plus, as a cat owner, if anyone ever made my little cat feel uncomfortable then i’d never see them again! she comes first to me, it’s her house and anyone i invite in has to treat her with her love.

sounds like MrTinder puts himself and his dog before you. does he think because he is a man that he can shrug off your rules? would he do the same to a male friend who repeatedly asked him not to do something? i doubt it!

eating that isnt being a player.

Meet both of them and see how you get on before you decide what to do.

user I pop in every now and again to see how everyone is getting on but I met someone through OLD and we're doing well so far, it's only been a few months but he is genuine and lovely, we spend pretty much every weekend together and he even doesn't mind coming to all my horsey events with me so I think I was just lucky!
Sorry to hear others aren't working out so well :-(

(To add) he's not horsey at all and has never even been round them but now he can get my horse in the horsebox better then I can

So my question is, what are the red flags and how can you tell someone is a player?

Next question, how many dates in/when/how does the 'exclusive' part of OLD start? I've got a 5th date with Mr G tonight, he's very slow off the mark, I'm used guys wanting to jump into bed at the 1st date! Mr G is quite tactile, holding hands etc, hugs and kisses (but no full on snog yet), so no clue really - are there still 'gentlemen' out there??!!

eating - I agree with Jax, seeing both guys for a second date isn't being a player in my books, it's still early days.

Grrrr, he’s sent me several long messages saying ‘all these problems can be solved’, he has appolagised for making himself too comfortable in my home and had admitted that things have moved way too fast. He is coming up with solutions to the dog problem but they are not really solutions, he isn’t thinking things through. I have told him that being the summer I like to be out doing things, I have just bought myself a campervan and plan on lots of trips, I don’t want a dog with me and I don’t want to be stuck at home with him and a dog whilst the suns out. I leave my dog home alone, she has free run of the house and garden when I’m out and my dm pops in to check on her (my dogs quite old so she sleeps all day), he can’t do this with his dog. So I have basically said that it won’t work because I don’t want his dog at my house, I don’t want his dog coming with us on days out and I don’t want to be stuck at home. His bloody dog is causing more trouble than a child would (at least your not glued to children 24/7 and they don’t tend to harass my pets).

Can I join?

That sounds awfully stressful, Love.

I’m not having much success. I’m chatting with a MrFlipflop but it’s quite dull. And i can’t stand the sound of flip flops so I’m not sure we could ever actually meet

halfdutch . I think it is hard to tell if someone is a player - but they tend to say all the right things, but dont commit to anything really... well thats what I found with MrFrench

The exclusive part - is different for everyone. I would think by date 5 it should be discussed.

And just to balance things out a bit. I was out with my friend on Sunday and we were chatting to a couple she knew. They had met on POF a couple of years ago, totally matched, very loved up and a baby on the way. So there ARE success stories, its just we dont really hear about them on this thread.

Can anyone suggest a decent site please? I'm a bloke, professional, blah blah blah and I think that if I open POF again I may vomit uncontrollably all over my keyboard.

Hi LeChat! Mr FlipFlop is a brilliant name!

Love, waaaaay too intense if you ask me! I'd go NC.

Nothing going on here. Nada.

Try Match or OKCupid A4?

Or tell us more about yourself here

lechat no dating the thread.

I think POF is the best of a bad bunch... you can change your settings more to what you want in a match.

Good luck rider

Cheers.

I'm going to open a bottle of Malbec when I get home and brave POF

Rider you could try Tinder? POF is the busiest but you have to trawl through some pretty awful profiles to find anything interesting.

I find Bumble is slightly higher calibre than Tinder where I am (midlands) although less traffic!

lovemusic I get the impression you are trying to find worthy reasons to dump mr.tinder.
if you don't want to continue the relationship just say you don't owe him anything you don't even need a reason people change their minds all the time especially with OLD.

User I always look for reasons to dump anyone I’m with. I don’t know what to do with Mr Tinder, I know I won’t be able to change him, he never thinks things through (and I think too much). I’m not sure what to suggest to him as we have had some good times together but it’s all moved too fast, I’m not sure if there’s any going back and slowing things right down. I think where I have been on my own for sometime I would find it hard whoever comes into my home and starts messing with my routine ,I’m just not ready to rush into a full blown relationship, I want to just date once a week and do fun things (none of this sleeping over and hanging around my house rubbish).

love i had that with my last iron too. coming over at night and staying till lunchtime the next day is just too much time for me! if i wanted to see him in the evening then he had to stay over. he only lived 30mins across the city. i like having my
bed to myself, not worry about breakfast for him aswell, not have them hang around while you shower and get ready!

the last time i saw him i called him a taxi at midnight and told him i didnt want/need him to stay. havent seen him since

Need some advice. Mr Cute asked me to a gig, I was deciding as early days still and in the meantime, unknown to me, he's invited a mate. I said yes I can go and he has now said great join us.

I haven't met this mate, no idea if we would get in, it's not a romantic event, but I liked the idea of us holding hands and cuddling etc. I have written a bland noncommittal reply. What do I do?

choc could you also bring a friend and
make it the 4 of you? that way his friend wont be 3rd wheel

you could use it as an opportunity to make a good impression on his friends

Choc you could still hold hands and stuff with someone else there? It could be a good sign that he's happy for you to meet his friends.

Second date with Mr DiamondMine was really good. He's lovely and we have loads to talk about. We both seem to be a bit shy when it comes to making the first moves though and we were in a really public place so nothing to report on that score. If/when I see him again I'll have to try to engineer something. Once things get going I'm fine but I'm terrible with the initial is it/isn't it going to happen thing.

Esk I like that idea. It's a bit tricky as last year I took my DD (it's event for teens upwards) and a few of my friends may be going with their DCs. This makes it harder for me to ask a friend, likely to be there with DCs, but I guess I may be able to wonder off and chat to them.
I think I should just stop stressing book it shouldn't I?

Vet thanks for more encouragement I'm going to book it now.

I'm useless at the is it isn't it and stay noncommittal for weeks as have trouble reading signs.