Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Excuse me while I have a little scream. I had 3 dates lined up this weekend (cramming them in on a child-free weekend).
And every single one has cancelled at the last minute with a variety of excuses.

I'm not holding my breath to see if they rearrange any time soon.

Jax I think you should call him out in a very abrupt way. Tell him what you know... He has low respect for you as doesn't make enough time and is still on pof and taking with other women after the exclusive talk. This isn't doing nothing, it is behaving badly. Then I would block before he claims it's you and says all the "I don't want a needy GF" shit.

I have checked pof for Mr Cute and not found him. It's a shame to doubt, but I have dated a player before and it's not easy to be sure without proof.

Good you are moving on!

I know Choc but I actually cant be arsed, he has already said 'whats wrong with you, I dont do drama' - so nope he has been deleted and can carry on. Its his loss.

Jax he "doesn't do drama" aka he doesn't want anyone to be awkward towards him by expressing disappointment or similar normal emotions but he's happy to twist everything to suit him bloody player.

I have spent the evening with friends and had a fab night. Mr Cute is cute, good in bed and the kitchen, but I'm keeping my priorities this time and friends come first.

yes choc exactly. Anyway onward and upward for me - lesson learned.

Friends are important and you must keep having fun with them. They are the ones who prop us up in the shit times.

Feeling a bit fed up and wondering if I can ever let anyone share my life. Mr Tinder stayed over Friday and last night, I haven’t really enjoyed it at all apparent from eating a take away last night. He treats my home like his (badly) and it has just driven me nuts and I could feel myself getting more and more pissed off over the past 24 hours. In my house I have rules, rules for the kids and rules for the dog. No dog allowed on the sofa, no dog allowed upstairs. He brings his dog over and he calls it up onto the sofa after I have told mine to get down, his dog keeps trying to shag mine so eventually I let my dog up on the sofa as she was fed up with being raped by his dog (she was shaking). He thinks it’s funny that his dog tries to shag mine constantly and does nothing to stop it unless I step in. Last night I got no sleep as his dog was on my bed (my side of the bed), I moved her many times, during this time he was snoring his head off. So I have woken up in a shit mood and I have blown my top (it’s rare for me to do this but I could hear you lot in the back of my head telling me not to stand for this), so I tell him “this is my house and in my house the dogs do not get on the sofa or sleep on my bed”, I then went to have a bath to cool off a bit and noticed I have another love bite on my neck , this was the final straw, I had another go at him, told him I’m not happy and how important my job is (I can’t go to work with a love bite on my neck). He said sorry with a smile on his face . He’s now gone home.
I think he assumes my problem is with the dog, it’s not, it’s with him, the dog is happy to sleep on the floor and chill in the garden, he calls her to get on the sofa or bed

I just feel like I can’t cope with having another human/man in my house, making a mess and showing no respect for my house rules and the way I do things. I’m sure it’s going to be the same who ever I let in to my house. It’s taken me almost 2 years to feel safe and happy in my own home after abusive ex, I can’t handle anyone coming in and messing things up.

He said he will text me, I just want a few days on my own, I feel like I have lost my ‘me time’ as he has been here so much. It’s all way too fast and I need space.

Lovemusic I think you've answered all your own questions? Xx

The negatives are definitely outweighing the positives xx

Yes , feeling annoyed as he can be really nice and caring. At the moment I’m unsure what to do, I wish we could just date once a week and slow things right down, I’m just not ready to have someone in my house and I think who ever it was I would probably feel the same. I’m not going to message him, going to stay away from my phone and take a break.

Lovemusic I definitely wouldn't tolerate this. It's your home and he either goes with your rules and fits in or get rid! Don't compromise on what's important to you. Sounds like he's got too comfortable too quickly. Imagine what long term would look like!

Exactly looking and I think that what’s freaking me out, my lastpartner was like this, had his feet firmly under the table early on. I won’t put up with it, I’m quite pleased with myself that I put my food down and said something today because usually I’m a soft touch (which is where I go wrong). He says his dog is like a child too him, I wouldn’t take my kids round his house and let them do what they want (dogs are not kids anyway). I’m going to enjoy a few days on my own, if he asks to come over I will tell him I need some space.

lovemusic I think you should totally ditch! He sounds like he is waaaaaaaay too comfortable for the early stages of dating. It's annoying me just reading how bad his attitude is towards things when you pull him up on it.

Well, I'm firmly in the back looking on match.com for new irons. A whole week of no contact from Mr I Didn't Think I Would like you but I did, so time to start with a clean slate.......

Been back on and already not feeling hopeful 🤣😂 - give it time.

love i dont know the full history, but do you ever go out with MrTinder? it seems like all he does is come over and sleep, does he take you out? the first few/many years should be full of new experiences as a couple, not skipping to the boring part of always sitting infront of the TV together.

and didnt he already try and move his dog in with you? doesnt the dog scare your cat? i dont want to sound harsh but MrTinder sounds like a total cocklodging, boring user

i say all of that at him, not you. you really deserve soooo much better than him. it seems as if you’re settling. i mean, my last DP didnt start “annoying” me till we lived together after 4/5 years! not in the dating stage.

with my last iron, i hated having him in my house! he got chewing gum on my nice bedcovers on two separate occassions, and just generally felt like a big oaf in my nice home. he also gave me a lovebite which thoroughly pissed me off as i work in a public facing role. its almost like they’re marking you as theirs and now you definitely cant see other men with that on your neck

anyway, we went on 3-4 dates then he just expected to be able to come over at night and stay in/order pizza. it was utterly boring. needless to say i havent seen him for almost 2 months.

love it definitely sounds like he is getting too comfortable too early on. It is good that you told him what you were thinking rather than letting it pass. You do need to decide what you want though.

esk we have been out to do things but he has to take the dog everywhere with him so I’m unable to really go places I want to go. It’s his relationship with the dog that’s making it hard, that sounds bad, he treats the dog like a human. Most of the things we have been out to do have been on his terms (because of the dog). I thought I had been open with him from the start as to what I was looking for, I just wanted someone to go out with, have fun with but not someone taking over my life, I have lots of hobbies which I like to do in my spare time and I’m missing doing them because he’s here 3 or 4 days a week.

Love why is he at your house so much? Is he just turning up or are you inviting him to come over?
If he's just turning up and staying (with dog) then he's taking advantage of you. Either way he doesn't seem to understand your needs.
Time to tell him exactly what you want from the relationship or ditch him. It should be fun at this stage and it's clearly not for you.

Runs he asks to come over when he finishes work, I know I need to start saying ‘no’. It’s the weekends when he brings the dog in, I don’t mind the dog here for a couple hours but not overnight. He got here late Friday night (early sat morning) and went this morning, i told him I was visiting family today so I knew he wouldn’t stay today. It is all too soon, the odd night here and there is fine but he’s stayed 4 nights this week. Because he works nights he is turning up early hours of the morning, I get up at 6am but of course he’s tired and would happing spend most of the day sleeping. This weekend has just exhausted me, there were good times but the dog issue is driving me nuts. I thought dating someone who doesn’t have children would be less stressful but the dog is more hassle than my kids.

Esk1mo I was thinking Cocklodger too. I was also thinking to myself...... All of these issues with the dog, everything on his terms dictating everything you do. It should not be like this so early on......

Please please get rid of this man and work on finding someone who wants to get out and about and do interesting things with you so you can have SHARED experiences together and do all the nice bits of dating.

You are the Prize x

oh no love get rid - he does sound like a cocklodger. I understand the dog is his 'baby' but its early days and if its like this now... nope. Tell him what you expect and if he doesnt shape up sharpish. Bin him.

no contact at all from mrfrench so thats good, he is gone. Chatting to a couple of guys. Will see how it goes. Will not be taken in by smooth talk again.

jax love your resilience to bounce back!!

love all sounds like a lot of hard work. Hope you figure it all out but as PP have said I think you know the answer!

And what is it about lovebites - I got one too, didn’t even know it was still a thing? Is it a red flag in itself?

I’m sadly hoping he’s moved on whilst I’ve been away and limiting my contact - but if he has then at least I’ll know I’ve enjoyed my hols and he wasn’t worth the effort anyway...

I hate the love bite thing, I have told him before that I hate it, told him before how important my job is. I often work in the public eye and I’m training for hopefully a more professional role so it doesn’t create a good impression. Also love bites are tacky and for teenagers, not people in their 30’s. He hasn’t messaged me at all today, I’m not going to message him, if he doesn’t understand why I’m pissed off then he’s not worth the effort.

love I can only echo what the others have said. He is far too comfy too soon. You said yourself you want someone to go out and do stuff with, so go and find someone who wants the same. Mr Tinder is totally using you.

jax that is such a good attitude. Sometimes it is definitely better to simply get back on the horse, so to speak.

I've not heard from Mr Academic for 3 days now. I'm deliberately going NC. I figure that if he likes me and wants to see me again he'll get in touch. He is not great at frequent messaging and I actually think I deserve so much better. I deserve someone who at least wants to say hello each day, even if we don't see each other that often. I'm not going back to OLD yet though. I'm in the middle of divorce/mediation and really need to focus on that. Plus I just can't face the effort OLD requires right now. Whilst I've made a couple of friends from it all, the thought of inane conversation right now doesn't appeal.

What do you all make to OLD'ers who only have one photo on their profile?

I've always steered clear in case it's the single decent photo they have, taken at the perfect angle but currently chatting to someone - I'll call him Mr Sherlock - and we're getting on well, good conversation and no text typing, but the single photo feels like an amber flag.

Wouldn't rule him out just yet lookingforbutterflies I had 1 photo for ages purely because the tablet I was using was crap and I couldn't upload more!
Had lots of questions as to why I only had 1 photo so eventually sorted it :)
However, I have met someone who had 7 photo's up....he looked like NONE of them when I met him!

Feeling really fed up this evening. Not heard back from any of the 3 dates that cancelled this weekend. And have spotted 2 of them online quite a bit. So the genuine reasons they had for cancelling (family problems) look like they were just excuses.
I have no idea what went wrong. Can only guess someone better came along. One cancelled date is bad enough but when 3 do it at the same time I'm beginning to wonder if they've been talking to each other!
No one else is answering my messages. I have no clue what I'm doing wrong.