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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I drove home at midnight so upset....

362 replies

Bubblesandcake · 28/04/2018 09:55

He thinks I was overreacting.
Been with a guy for 5 months, he met my 2 dd's a month ago. On the first occasion lovely. 2nd he joked about sending them to their dads. My dd's see their dad every other sunday. He has no other interest in them (school, activities etc). He won't take them anywhere or buy them anything. He doesn't co-parent put it that way. It's something I have had to get used to. Anyway, this guy knows this. He knows I am a single parent, working and also a student nurse. I juggle life and kids on my own and some days could do with just a cuddle. Anyway yesterday, was one of those days. Dd's went to see my mum (lots of running around before hand - party presents, outfits, broken car, broken washing machine and assignments to be done). Made it to his house (as it was my turn to go there) about 8.30pm, tired and hungry. I told him I'd had a busy day and also had a text off dd's father regarding money (again). He pays minimum maintenance but I pay the mortgage and have been for 8 years since he left. Our financial issues have never been sorted regarding sale of the house. So by this point feeling pretty drained. My dd rang and it was 10pm. He took my phone and said she's up too late, your mum can deal with it. I thought he was joking so I got up and rang her back. He then said they're up too late, I have been thinking this for a while, they need sleep. I said it's late getting in every night from activities, by the time they shower, I pack lunches, we chat, yes it's 9pm gone. Well it's too late he said. I have rang you before at 9.30/10 and my eldest (13) has been up on her phone. That's another thing he said, you don't limit screen time, it's not healthy for your 10 year old to go on her phone first thing in the morning. I got a bit defensive and he said it's constructive criticism, I should be able to take it. I explained they're my dd's and I have raised them completely alone. He has no idea so shouldn't judge me. These are petty things. He then said well there is one more thing, your eldest can be rude. I said how. He said when you have the radio on in the kitchen, she comes in watching YouTube on her phone. I said it's her house. He said well it's rude, you should tell her to turn it off as you have music on. I can recall this day because he commented and left early without eating with us that day. It must have annoyed him that much.
Sorry it's long but I just needed to talk about it. Im new to the whole relationship thing. Single for 7 years before I met him. I drove home crying. I need someone's support not constructive criticism. If my girls were rude to him or anyone, they would be told. They have their stroppy moments but they're polite and well mannered. Yes they go on their phones alot, stay up a bit later but I feel I am doing the best I can. We have meal times together, days out, girly pamper nights, I'm the one sat doing homework with them, driving them to their activities every night, listening to their problems, listening to their happy stories whilst trying to study/work. Their father does nothing. Why would this guy, out of everything I do pick out what he thinks is wrong?
He said he wasn't judging me. What was he doing then? What was the point in the conversation. He went to bed, I left. He hasn't even contacted me this morning.
Am I overreacting? I struggle on my own, some days I'm exhausted so yes, if someone picks on what I do as a mum, as being wrong, I feel defensive. I just didn't want to face him.....so I left. Right or wrong?

OP posts:
Abbylee · 30/04/2018 22:48

well done OP. Things work out in the end; getting rid of him just made way for better life.

Mammasmitten · 02/05/2018 09:19

Anyone who took a phone off me like that especially when my child is on the other end wanting to talk to me would want to run. Coz I would go mama bear on them. How dare he!!!!!!
You and your children deserve much better. Drop him like a hot rock before you get really burned. He's testing the waters to see how much he can get away with.

Mammasmitten · 02/05/2018 09:27

Just read last pages of the thread. Good on you for ending it with him. Treat yourself to something nice you deserve something good after dealing with someone who was awful SmileStarWine

CheesyWeez · 02/05/2018 12:09

Let us know if you're invited to the shed-warming. Grin
You can say "no thanks, I'm too busy watching Youtube in my own home" Grin

Bubblesandcake · 02/05/2018 18:27

I didn't hear another thing from him. I have been ok as it was the right decision but I just can't believe he thought that little of me to ignore/acknowledge he had upset me. His shed text was to show me he doesn't care as he got on with his planned day and had no intention on acknowledging why I was upset. I guess it's proved my gut instinct.

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 02/05/2018 18:31

Hugs Bubbles. His loss. You did you right thing and he's utterly proved it.

DamsonGin · 02/05/2018 19:49

His loss for definite. Small shame though you never got to use the line "fuck you and your shed". Not many opportunities for that in life.

mathanxiety · 03/05/2018 00:28

He is punishing you for being so uppity.

Don't ever give in to the temptation to communicate/respond to him no matter what sort of carrot he dangles (an apology, an explanation, whatever). The only reason he will communicate with you again is to try to suck you back into this toxic relationship.

Take your girls somewhere nice for lunch this weekend.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 08:06

Block/delete. He doesn't give a fuck because he's a twat.

bonnyshide · 03/05/2018 08:17

You made the right decision, and you are clearly a great mum putting your DC first.

He sounds like a knob! And your ExH too, hope you get the house situation sorted. You deserve happiness.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/05/2018 09:14

Glad he has vanished. You don't need the aggravation of having to shake off a crap man who won't accept that he's dumped.

If he does reappear, send him one message along the lines of 'I have no interest in any further contact with you; there is nothing to discuss. Do not call/text/email/message me again.' Because, if someone is making a pest of themselves, the advice is to send them one clear message to stop contacting you and, if they carry on pestering, you can involve the police.

HonkyWonkWoman · 03/05/2018 09:15

Thank goodness Shed Fucker showed his controlling, nasty side so early OP.
Dick head!

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