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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I drove home at midnight so upset....

362 replies

Bubblesandcake · 28/04/2018 09:55

He thinks I was overreacting.
Been with a guy for 5 months, he met my 2 dd's a month ago. On the first occasion lovely. 2nd he joked about sending them to their dads. My dd's see their dad every other sunday. He has no other interest in them (school, activities etc). He won't take them anywhere or buy them anything. He doesn't co-parent put it that way. It's something I have had to get used to. Anyway, this guy knows this. He knows I am a single parent, working and also a student nurse. I juggle life and kids on my own and some days could do with just a cuddle. Anyway yesterday, was one of those days. Dd's went to see my mum (lots of running around before hand - party presents, outfits, broken car, broken washing machine and assignments to be done). Made it to his house (as it was my turn to go there) about 8.30pm, tired and hungry. I told him I'd had a busy day and also had a text off dd's father regarding money (again). He pays minimum maintenance but I pay the mortgage and have been for 8 years since he left. Our financial issues have never been sorted regarding sale of the house. So by this point feeling pretty drained. My dd rang and it was 10pm. He took my phone and said she's up too late, your mum can deal with it. I thought he was joking so I got up and rang her back. He then said they're up too late, I have been thinking this for a while, they need sleep. I said it's late getting in every night from activities, by the time they shower, I pack lunches, we chat, yes it's 9pm gone. Well it's too late he said. I have rang you before at 9.30/10 and my eldest (13) has been up on her phone. That's another thing he said, you don't limit screen time, it's not healthy for your 10 year old to go on her phone first thing in the morning. I got a bit defensive and he said it's constructive criticism, I should be able to take it. I explained they're my dd's and I have raised them completely alone. He has no idea so shouldn't judge me. These are petty things. He then said well there is one more thing, your eldest can be rude. I said how. He said when you have the radio on in the kitchen, she comes in watching YouTube on her phone. I said it's her house. He said well it's rude, you should tell her to turn it off as you have music on. I can recall this day because he commented and left early without eating with us that day. It must have annoyed him that much.
Sorry it's long but I just needed to talk about it. Im new to the whole relationship thing. Single for 7 years before I met him. I drove home crying. I need someone's support not constructive criticism. If my girls were rude to him or anyone, they would be told. They have their stroppy moments but they're polite and well mannered. Yes they go on their phones alot, stay up a bit later but I feel I am doing the best I can. We have meal times together, days out, girly pamper nights, I'm the one sat doing homework with them, driving them to their activities every night, listening to their problems, listening to their happy stories whilst trying to study/work. Their father does nothing. Why would this guy, out of everything I do pick out what he thinks is wrong?
He said he wasn't judging me. What was he doing then? What was the point in the conversation. He went to bed, I left. He hasn't even contacted me this morning.
Am I overreacting? I struggle on my own, some days I'm exhausted so yes, if someone picks on what I do as a mum, as being wrong, I feel defensive. I just didn't want to face him.....so I left. Right or wrong?

OP posts:
mzcracker · 29/04/2018 14:32

Jesus ..is he my ex? I know exactly what you mean about never being able to explain yourself.
My ex would invalidate my feelings, constantly tell me I shouldn't feel the way I did and would deliberately misunderstand anything I tried to say. It's gaslighting and it's a head wrecker. So glad you got away as soon as you did. Well done op. Stand firm.

Bexter801 · 29/04/2018 14:49

Shame op,isn't it....you'd hope after you left the other night, he'd have arrived with flowers,and choccies,saying how sorry he is for being such a w**r,hurting your feelings,how utterly wrong he was,and what a fantastic mum you are,but nah he's just too self centred,and no matter how much you'd like him to be like that,he's not! He's wasted enough of your energy,headspace... and am delighted for you,that you've taken control,ended this and you and your girls can enjoy life again,without his ''input'',and your a single woman again Smile world is your oyster Grin

OliviaStabler · 29/04/2018 15:11

Good for you OP.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/04/2018 15:17

Well done OP.

Bubblesandcake · 29/04/2018 15:41

Thankyou all 😊
Bizzare response from him. He ignored what I sent an sent a message saying 'would you like to see my shed?' With a winky emoji. That's what he had planned for us this weekend, putting his shed up.
I don't quite understand his response. I have ignored.

OP posts:
mzcracker · 29/04/2018 15:46

LOL would you like to see my shed! He doesn't give a fuck. Block him and never ever allow him to darken your door again.

Bexter801 · 29/04/2018 15:49

How frustrating!! ...that's not giving you proper closure

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 15:50

Yes, just block him everywhere. He doesn't think you have the balls to follow through, you need to prove him wrong.

expatinscotland · 29/04/2018 15:55

Bizzare response from him. He ignored what I sent an sent a message saying 'would you like to see my shed?' With a winky emoji. That's what he had planned for us this weekend, putting his shed up.
I don't quite understand his response. I have ignored.

This is what he actually means, 'Oh, fuck you, Bubble, you know you can't mean ending things with me! That's not on my terms and so it can't happen.' His plan was for you to help him put up his fucking shed? How romantic. You pay to travel to him, service his cock, have him treat you like a naughty schoolgirl, criticise you and contribute to his DIY. He really thinks a lot of himself.

I'd block and delete him NOW.

He doesn't deserve anything else from you. What a cunt he is.

DamsonGin · 29/04/2018 15:58

I'd block too. At most of text back 'no, I don't really give a shit about you're shed' but I'm sure he'd take that as an invite to try harder / more bizzarely.

HonkyWonkWoman · 29/04/2018 16:11

What a knob! Block everything OP.

Onecutefox · 29/04/2018 16:21

It's an opportunity for you to get rid off him. What a narcissist.

Thefirsttulip · 29/04/2018 16:22

I'd ignore because you could respond with spelling it out till you're blue in the face but he would still think you don't mean it. Ignoring shows him you're serious.

category12 · 29/04/2018 16:26

He's just ignoring your text and acting as though you'd go over and help with the shed because he is demonstrating yet again that what you think doesn't matter to him. He's expecting you to fall into line.

I'd expect more rubbish to come from him and be prepared to block him, OP.

notapizzaeater · 29/04/2018 16:29

Just ignore him, you've told him it's over, he's being stupid ignoring it

BitOutOfPractice · 29/04/2018 16:34

Do you want to see my shed? That is possibly the most in-denial response to a dumping I've ever read.

You are so so well rid OP

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/04/2018 17:07

Actually I would send one last text saying something like,

‘To be clear: the relationship between us is over. All the best for the future but do not contact me again.’

Bexter801 · 29/04/2018 17:14

I agree with sending one last text,confirming it's over,and you want no more contact. Otherwise it's still left luming in the air..... ''Want to see my shed?'' Wtf,like that's an offer you couldn't possibly refuseConfused

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2018 17:18

I agree with sending one last text. He really thinks a lot of himself.

LiteraryDevil · 29/04/2018 17:21

I agree, one final text. "Seriously, this relationship is over, I do not want to have anything to do with you. Do not contact me again."

dwab45 · 29/04/2018 17:24

Over reacting? No!!!! The thin end of wedge controlling behaviours. The mere fact that you ask the question indicates that you are putting the problem on yourself. That’s how these jerks operate. Get out now!!!!

Petrify · 29/04/2018 17:31

Surprising he didn't suggest sending them to boarding school! Personally would tell him to mind his own business as they aren't his kids. Sounds a controlling sod. Get rid xx

greeneyedlulu · 29/04/2018 17:33

Dump him! You're a mum and your children come first in everything you do. The right man for you would understand that.
You're better off single than being with a guy like this

Confusedbeetle · 29/04/2018 17:34

No new man in your life should interfere with your parenting, not his place

LiteraryDevil · 29/04/2018 17:34

Read the updates people Hmm