I think it’s happening again.

[AMillionKisses]

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

Last month of the pregnancy, that is. Make it about the baby, he might listen to you more.

When do you see the nurse or obstetrician again? Can you make an earlier appointment and discuss your situation? As others say, do not tell him you are moving yet, and seek support from nurse and Dr , telling them you need to move without Dh knowledge. Or see your GP and ask them to help you contact women's aid for support so that you have real life support from the medical team How is baby's kicking today ? Are you feeling well, you do sound vert tired? See your Dr and tell them how you are feeling and get a check up of baby and your health.

@midsummabreak I just feel very off balance, I think it is because of the stress, I am going to see if I can make an emergency appointment for tomorrow as it is bank holiday today, I know my baby is fine because he moves non stop we can’t wait until he is here I’m so glad that he hasn’t been here to experience what I’ve been through, I’ll do my best to raise him into a happy child.

I’m very worried, my 12 year old is spending the day with his uncle (dad’s bother) we usually go to Southbank every bank holiday I made it clear to DP this morning when he asked what we were doing today, that I do not want to go anywhere with him and that he can take the boys out, he left the house with them around 10.30 this morning they haven’t been anywhere near Southbank, I have been trying call him, he is declining me so it goes to answer machine, I asked my 12 year old to call him, he said he answered and said he will call him back.

I can’t deal with this nonsense.

Why are you obsessing about where they are? You are fixating on completely the wrong thing. You made it clear you didn't want to go out with him, so he's taken the kids out for the day, your 12 year old is out with his uncle, why aren't you using this time to start to pack and sort through clothes etc. or start decluttering in anticipation of moving. Or sorting out paperwork, or looking at houses online. Or indeed doing some research into schools in the area. Instead you're sitting there tracking them.
You need to also stop dragging your child into the to- and fro with your partner. You shouldn't be asking him to phone him. If you want to know where your partner is, send him a text to say let you know where they are. Don't call him over and over and over. How is that keeping a cool head and keeping detached from him? You are pulling yourself back into the drama again. This is more teenage behaviour. Who cares if they went to Southbank or not? You need to be using your free time productively OP. Stop the tracking. Delete the app or whatever your using. That's not normal behaviour.

Why does it matter where they've gone? As long as they are not in danger then you'll have to get used to it when you actually split up. If you feel they are in real danger then you need a solicitor to make sure he only sees them with supervised contact.
You need to let it go and detach.

I know I sound crazy to you all, but this is how he has got me, the boys are back now and he has gone out.

I’ve asked the boys where they went and did they have a good time. They went to the park with a ‘nice lady’ and that they did have a good time, I asked did dad go with them my 8 year old told me that he went with his friend before they went to the park he also mentioned that there was another little girl who was nice also (I have taken advice give on here not to question my children) as you can imagine there’s untold questions I want to ask them, my 4 old has a plaster above his knee, I asked him what happened he said he had fallen in the park and the lady(he said her name) cleaned it for him and put a plaster on it. I don’t know who this lady is, I have tried to call him but he will not answer the phone, and why wasn’t she supervising my 4 year old in the park.

OP, it doesn't matter where or who or why. You are leaving him. Just add this to the list of reasons WHY you are leaving him. Don't rise to it. You know he is trying to get a reaction out of you. He is waiting for you to blow up and get angry and jealous and posessive of him. He is trying to make you jealous so that you will want him back. It's all a ruse. Detach, detach, detach. You don't care who or what he does when he goes out now. You won't have a say in who the children see when you split, so try not to let it get to you. The boys had fun, they were taken care of. You need to let this be enough for now. Please don't lose momentum over this childish tit for tat. Rise above it.

You are still giving this man your power.

You are still giving him your headspace and your attention.

You are still giving him all of your energy and effort.

Forget him. Focus on you and the kids alone.

It doesn’t matter who she was, because he has handed my sons over to a lady that I don’t know whilst he went out with his friend! Why would you leave your children with someone else when you were suppose to be taking them out.

I am just really annoyed. But you are right the boys are ok and they had fun.

The boys dad was in charge, and it sounds like the lady looked after them. And all kids fall over however well they are supervised.

Why do you keep on trying to contact him and check on where he is?

@Bobs123 it’s a habit I guess, sad aren’t I?

Not sad because at least you recognise what you are doing, so perhaps as time goes on you will do it less and less. As mentioned already there are other priorities to focus on.

Your partner will know that he is losing control over you when you stop trying to contact him. I would imagine he doesn’t answer his phone on purpose, just to keep you wondering.

Ok I am going to let it go, just not happy that he left the boys alone with a lady I don’t know.

I won’t call him.

Have you made any progress with a school for your eldest, OP?

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas no I haven’t, but I have had a phone call from his nan (dad’s mum) she said that he has been crying that he doesn’t want to come home, he told her what I said to him last week in the heat of the moment which was that I didn’t want him, I apologised straight away and I thought it was all forgetton.

She went on to say that she knows I am pregnant but that is no excuse to say what I said to him and how do you think he feels after me telling him that and especially him being the first child.

I tried to explain to her that I didn’t mean it and it was said out of the heat of the moment and that I apologised straight away, she said that if I don’t want him she’ll have him, I just said ‘ok’ what else could I say? she then hung up.

He did say that he wanted to go and stay with her then he said he had changed his mind and wants to stay with me, I really don’t know why he would go and tell his gran about something we had both forgetting about, he can be such a horrible boy sometimes, if I knew that he was going to do something like this I would have never have let him go. He has does plenty of things and he asks me not to tell his gran and I never do, maybe he doesn’t realise how much trouble he has caused and that he is upset me? I don’t know.

OP don't you see that your son's outbursts cooincide with you or his father bloody using him as a pawn in your twisted games? You involved him again today and this is the result.

You just said 'ok' to her keeping your son there?? Because 'what else could I say'??

If you are serious OP you need to enrole in parenting classes. Your last paragraph sounds like a child talking about their sibling that annoys them, not a parent talking about their child.

I really feel for that child. He is clearly troubled. Maybe he should stay there for a while. It might be best for him. You need to get him counselling as soon as you can.

The big difference is he is a child and you are an adult. He is obviously hurt by what you said and not surprisingly, is feeling confused at the moment. That doesn’t make him a horrible boy, so you shouldn’t hold it against him for talking to his Nan and I doubt he said it to cause trouble

I don’t get why you are blaming your son for something you said.

I just find it so hard to write (type) now I am feeling in words, so it is always going to come across wrong.

What else could I say to her? I can’t go and get him because she may not let him come with him, and I couldn’t tell her to bring him home, I don’t want him home today because I am annoyed with him, I always show him affection and I always tell him I love him, so why would he go and tell her?

Perhaps you are right maybe if I wouldn’t have called him to call his dad then maybe none of this would have happened.

None of you know what my child is like he can be very horrible I take a lot from him.

I am really shocked at these recent posts.

He is not a horrible boy. He sounds like a scared, hurt angry and confused child. And I'd hazard a guess that it's you and his dad causing this.

You tell him you don't want him and expect him to just 'forget it' a week later? I know you didn't mean it but don't underestimate the damage your words can do to a child. He won't get over that easily particularly with everything else going.

Instead of being annoyed you should be thankful that he spoke to his grandmother. He really needs someone he can confide in.

The way you are viewing that particular incident suggests you can be self-absorbed and lacking empathy. I really don't mean to be unkind but I'm shocked you could call him a horrible boy after that. He's hurt. Please try and see things from your son's point of view. He is just a child and he sounds desperately unhappy.

Don't berate him for talking to his Gran - he REALLY needs someone to talk to.

Its ok , just tell your son again that you really do love him and you are sorry

He must know that his angry outbursts upset you, and if you get him counselling he will go.
But do you know that your angry words can really hurt him deeply, too?

As children or teens we all have memories of making mistakes and parents being angry.
. It is how our parents reacted to us that we remember the most.

You are on the right road , don't despair. Just a simple apology said with love will mean a lot to your troubled son.
He has much to learn and has seen a nasty father and a stressed not coping mother, too many times
Show humility and kindness to your son and you will be leaving a lasting memory of a loving, and fair parent.
I do hope you have been able to see Dr as you are under much pressure and it is important to take care of yourself. Xx

@DamsonOnThisDress I was just letting out how I feel at the moment, and he is a horrible boy at the moment, maybe tomorrow I will regret what I have said today. Maybe it is best that he stays with his gran, his behaviour is so unpredictable everyday is like treading on egg shells, I’m tired of it so so so tired.

His behaviour is never going to change, his gran has never seen the bad side of him, he wouldn’t dare do it around her. He knows who he can misbehave around, he is far from stupid, he has control over his behaviour. You say he is hurt, I’m hurt and I do everything to keep him happy, he has a football tournament next week in Bermuda, he is not going, I hate to take what he enjoys doing best but he needs to learn.

I don’t want him home today because I am annoyed with him, I always show him affection and I always tell him I love him, so why would he go and tell her?

Because, again, your actions speak far louder than your words. You say you love him but all you do tells him very very clearly that you don’t.

You say he is hurt, I’m hurt and I do everything to keep him happy, he has a football tournament next week in Bermuda, he is not going, I hate to take what he enjoys doing best but he needs to learn.

That’s seriously fucking toxic.

I’m not surprised he is “horrible”. He cant be punished into caring when he’s got nothing left to lose.

What has he done that you are stopping him going on his football tournament?

Is there any way at all your parents can come sooner than the end of the month, or send money so that you can escape? This is an intolerable situation and you need some"grown ups" on your side right now (and I don't say that to demean or patronise you, OP- sometimes we need another adult to take control, and you have too much on your plate). I think you've been very brave in recent days and your children are just a step away from a more stable and happy life - but you still need to take that step, and safely.