I think it’s happening again.

[AMillionKisses]

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

Good, AMillionKisses, I'm glad to hear it. Telling them will make it real and open and not in your head anymore, taking over every waking thought. I bet you will feel relief, that someone else knows and can advise you and help you sort it out.

You need to get cracking on school too. That has to be a priority. Your parents can be taking care of the housing issue whilst you get your son the help he needs.

@Iflyaway Yes I know that was wrong of me, but I didn’t want him to use that as an opportunity to get back in the house, I didn’t get any sleep last night and I was still furious this morning, my 8 year olds school called and I didn’t pick up because I didn’t know what to tell them.

Million - I get it. It's hard.

I went through DV. The bottom line is the kids. Food, education, etc.

They deserve the best future! If you give up now, 12-year-old not going to school imagine how that will work out in a few years time...

Please reach out to someone - GP, WA - to get your head back on track and not look back 25 years down the line.

I'm 63 by the way, did LP since he was 6 months old.

If I did it, you can too! (Cos I am nothng special!).

Million, it's such a relief to read that you've come to a decision. Ok, first things first.
Get all of the important documents together. Passports, driving licence, birth certificates, your maternity notes, bank statements, cards etc. Put them somewhere safe.
Everyone says to contact Womans Aid. I don't disagree, but a local domestic abuse charity might be more useful because they'll have knowledge of what the situation is where you are right now, and they can provide actual people to meet you, support you, accompany you to meetings with Citizens Advice, the council, etc. They can help you with paperwork too.
In terms of renting, you'll find it hard without a deposit of at least two months rent, plus a guaranteed income. Your parents may be able to help with that, although as they're not in the UK, it could be a problem.
I agree with others not to say anything to your DC yet, until you have something more concrete for your future. Not just because of the risk of them saying something to your partner, but also because it's better for them if you can give them something to focus on 'this is our new home!' rather than 'we're leaving here, but I don't know when or what for.'

I want to give you a hug right now, so much. Keep talking to us, million. We just want what's best for you and your children.

Get advice from Citizens Advice, I think that you may be entitled to benefits as you don't work. Probably Housing Benefit and definately Child Benefit.
Not sure, but it would be worth checking it out.

Not saying this is the case for everyone, but as a single mother who is unable to work (before you judge, life dealt me a few difficult cards after the DC were born) I get Employment & Support Allowance, Child Benefit, Child Tax Credit, Housing Benefit, and a Council Tax rebate. Oh, and I live in a council property too, just to complete every tickbox. I'm a UK citizen, so it's straightforward for me - not sure if that's the case here? There's definitely help out there though, you just need to find people who can help you towards it.

I wouldn't have got here without the help of so many other people million - both online and in real life. In the meantime, try and keep to some kind of routine with your DC - school is a great distraction for them, and it gives you something else to talk about with them. Even silly things like 'at half past five, we go to the shop to buy milk and other little bits we've run out of'. It helps them feel as though they know what to expect from each day.

Just remember that we're here for you.

Let us know how you go after telling your parents. You may decide to move away from the area. Since your 12 year old does not go to school, it wont matter too much if he moves to another place. But of course it would be more difficult for your younger two. Remember, though, so long as your children have ONE parent who is stable, loving and has their best interests at heart, they will be OK wherever you travel to.

Well done for finding your self respect, OP. I'm sorry you've been given a hard time on here. Some people seem to have felt that the 'tough love ' approach would provide a wake up call for you. I have seen it work for others before on these threads and like to think /hope that, however ultimately unhelpful, their responses came from a well-meaning place.

You deserve so much better than your current situation. I'm glad you're starting to see that and wish you and your sons all the best. Your twelve year old sounds like a good kid and all of them obviously care about you. I do wonder if your twelve year old doesn't want to go to school because he worries about you. He knows you are unhappy and wants to stay home for you to keep an eye on things. I teach and you'd be amazed at how young kids start to do that; find excuses not to be at school so that they can stay at home and support their parents. They perceive that their parents need help and seek to provide it, bless them. They feel a lot of responsibility on their little shoulders.

Thanks for your nice comments, he came back last night I let him have the bedroom I didn’t make any verbal contact with him, I just hope once he has taken DS12 to football he stays away for the whole day.

I have wrote down what I am going to say to my mum.

That's a good start AMillionKisses. Small steps, and you'll soon get there.

Honestly, I think you should accept any help that your parents can give - financial, emotional, renting or even buying you a house.

Let them come over and help you out. You need some adult support and guidance in your life. And you will definitely need the help when the baby comes.

I am not saying this as a judgement or trying to make you feel guilty but very few people in your situation have those kind of resources available to them. There are heartbreaking threads on MN from women with no job, no income, no home, no savings and no one else to help who are leaving abusive or violent relationships.

The one positive in your story, and the one glimmer of hope, is that you have other avenues open to you.

I have spoken to my mum, they are going to try come back before the end of the month and whilst here they will find somewhere else for me and the boys to live.

I am really not having a good day today.

Well done, that's the first big step taken. Whilst you may be feeling bad right now, you're doing the right thing for your boys.

He was suppose to take and collect my son from football, he took him he called me a few times I didn’t pick up because I do not want any conversation with him, then he texted saying that I would have to go and collect my 12 year old because he is busy and has got things to do, I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me before he left with him,
so I had to go and collect him, he had a fight on the pitch with another boy (how do I speak to him about this later?) he has been trying to call his dad and he will not answer the phone, due to him not answering his calls he became anxious and started crying because he thinks his dad has been hurt, which set off the other two, I had to track him on the App to insure them that he is fine and probably can’t hear his phone ringing.

oh god .

this is one of the worst things ive ever read on here. OP he is just going to use your children now in his petty little fight for control.

you get that?
your job is not to allow that to happen because you are their mum and your job is protect them from this shit.

you need to act and not think about it. you do need to extract yourself and your boys out of this situation because your partner doesnt think you have either the where with all or the means to do it so he thinks he can just keep doing what he has always done and you ? well - you can do nothing because he thinks youre powerless. and hes right. you are on your own.
BUT if you involve your parents then you are not alone - let them take find you a place.
then you have to take stock. you have to look at what your options are as an independent free woman who is not chained by any shackles to this worthless piece of low life criminal scum. sorry op but thats what he is - he is taking you and your children down with him.

im pretty sure if he has the sort of money he seems to have the authorities will be on to him by now anyway. he is a member of an organised criminal gang. one day - that will bite him - AND YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN on the arse if you dont get out.

your children are exhibiting signs of abuse and stress. you cant just throw money at this one.

OP - you are actually a victim of CSE in reality. you need help. you need to get out of this situation and you need to help your children get out of this situation.

he is just going to use your children now in his petty little fight for control I know he is doing this on purpose (not asking the phone to my son)

And him doing that has made all three boys upset, when one child is upset they all get upset.

I feel a lot happier because my parents are going to take me out of this situation, right now I just need to focus on the boys. I will be 8 months on wednesday, I don’t know how I will manage with 4 children once we move.

you will manage and i imagine you would be much much happier without the stress and the weight of this crap in your everyday life.

imagine the possibilities ! get excited for a fresh start. embrace this as the beginning of the rest of your life without abuse and suspicion and resentment and knowing you are doing the very best you can for your children in not allowing them to be used as pawns in your despicable partners power games.

Imagine if you were on your own your ds's would not be upset and you would not be having to deal with this shit.

And it is shit

A word of advice I would be wanting him to have only supervised visitation as I would be wondering what trouble he could come up with every other week to cause you stress

(answering) sorry I made a mistake in my last post.

@Oliversmumsarmy Yes I know now, it’s Saturday all of my children are already in bed asleep. I will no longer let him upset them, before my 12 year old went to bed he said that he doesn’t want to speak to his dad again because he should always answer the phone and he knows he doesn’t want to speak to him because it’s been hours and he doesn’t like to be ignored and dads shouldn’t ignore their children, he asked me if my dad ever ignores me 🙁

I am just happy that this will soon come to an end.

Glad to hear that your parents are going to come and help you out, and hopefully the last month of your pregnancy stays a little more stress free..try not to worry about having 4 kids alone just think of the beautiful baby boy you will have in your arms soon and then go from there with looking after the kids as I'm sure once you have your new place and a fresh start things will be easier for you...good luck

@Purpleneonpinkunicorns Thank you so much, I’ve cried tonight (well I cry most nights) I really don’t want to keep this from the boys but I am going to have to for the time being.

He is home, I have given him the bedroom again.

Million, the next few months are going to be incredibly hard, and you'll cry more than you thought possible. There will be days when you feel like you've gone backwards instead of moving forward. You'll be tired, you'll be hormonal, you'll be emotional. That's ok. That's normal. Just remember this is a process, and one day you'll realise that you're happy. You deserve to be.

It's ok to cry, and it's nothing to be ashamed of and if the kids see you crying it can always be classed as your pregnancy hormones, and perfectly normal under all the bad stuff that is and has happened...you've come so far op you really have and these last few days just shows how strong you are becoming, it will all get better in time op I know it's a long road ahead but you've finally started to get to see he light at the end of the tunnel...and next time he comes home make him take the sofa as you need proper rest x

Sending you & your children love abd strength accross the internet cyberspace
🌈
You will make it ! After keeping firm about making a better life, you will come to the rainbow after the rain! You are walking the long road , but it is a road to a happier home. A home with children so grateful of their Mum who put hers and her children's self respect and happiness first.