Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think it’s happening again.

726 replies

AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 06:58

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 22:49

Can you please stop? Why not just ask me what I meant? When I said I feel like calling the police on him I meant to tell them about what he is doing, that’s the only way I would be able to get rid of him, the thought has never come to my mind before but I am so angry I really am.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 22:50

I’m going, I can’t cope with the accusations anymore.

OP posts:
bananasplits50 · 03/05/2018 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NoMudNoLotus · 04/05/2018 02:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EachPeachPearPlumb · 04/05/2018 09:17

Look it, troll or no troll, hopeless or not, we know of at least one person who has been inspired by this thread to make changes in their life to overcome similar issues. If we have inspired one who has come forward, there must be 10's or maybe even 100's who may silently be inspired after reading this and recognising something of their own situations. That is nothing short of fabulous and has made this whole debacle worth it in my eyes.

To the OP. You have been given some stellar advice and suggestions on this thread. You have been provided with tools and avenues to explore with regards to your own and your children's counseling and personal development. You have been asked searching questions as to your motivations and priorities - please look over these and be honest with yourself in answering them. You never need to post here again if you don't want to. But it might help. Especially if you are willing to accept our support.

I wish you luck on your journey, but more importantly, I wish your children a much better life than the one they are currently getting.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 10:30

He come back last night even though I told him that he wouldn’t be let in, he called my 12 year olds phone but I had it, as soon as I pressed accept he said my sons name come downstairs and let me in. I switched the phone off.

I haven’t been able to take the boys to school today because he would use us not being in the house an opportunity to let himself back in.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 04/05/2018 10:38

Oh OP, this is unsustainable.

What are you going to do? Are you able to think about leaving and living somewhere else yet?

squeaver · 04/05/2018 10:49

I am going to give you final piece of advice. As EachPeach says, you are likely to ignore it but perhaps it will help someone else.

Find someone in real life to discuss all of this with. You are going round and round in circles and focusing just on the latest part of this never-ending drama without seeing the bigger picture. And this is because you have only have yourself and, yes, you are little more than a child yourself.

There must be someone in your life - please god, an actual adult - who can help you get out of this situation.

Find them.
Make a plan.
Leave this terrible person and this awful situation.
Change your life.

VillageIdiotInnit · 04/05/2018 11:14

@EachPeach very well said.

Of course op is back. Everything you do is a contradiction. And now you are keeping your boys off school. You literally have no respect for anyone.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 11:14

I will leave because he is never going to leave, I can’t live like this anymore yesterday was the last straw and him calling my son to let him in.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearPlumb · 04/05/2018 11:30

Good to hear @AMillionKisses

Now, what is your plan? What is the next thing you are going to do? Can you call someone for help?

People on here are experts in prompting you to what you physically need and practical steps you need to take re. important documents, etc. They are far more knowledgable than me, so I would ask for their guidance.

If you really mean this, there are people here to help you if you want it.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2018 11:42

As you said last night the only way he is going to go is if you call the police.

You cannot just confine you and the DC to the house forever.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 13:25

He has texted saying that he needs to get his things and that I am violating him.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 04/05/2018 18:00

Is he back now?

I'm glad to hear you think you will leave, too.

Anyway, first things first. School tomorrow for everyone! Or at least first steps towards school for the 12yo - unless you've already started the process and not mentioned it?

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 19:30

I know that there is some of you here that don’t believe this thread is genuine, all I can say that I have not made any of this up.

I have decided that I am going to sell some of the things that he has bought me over the years and put some of the money I have saved so I can put a deposit down on a place for me and the boys (can you tell me if that is possible bevause I don’t work? or would it have to be me paying rent on a place?)

I can not go on like this, my 8 year old questioned me on why he couldn’t go to school today, he said that he should only stay off school when he is ill, and he likes school because he learns new things, and that he is missing out on his learning)

Yes he has been back to shower and change his clothes, like people here have said it isn’t my house so I can not stop him from coming home, that is why I need to leave.

Can you please help me on how I can tell my 12 year old that we are going to go and live somewhere else? Or shouldn’t I tell him at all? Because I know he is going to react very badly.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2018 20:43

I wouldn't say a word to your 12 year old untill it is all sorted.

He is likely to tell your partner what you are planning

EachPeachPearPlumb · 04/05/2018 20:59

You're doing the right thing OP.

By putting a deposit down, do you mean buying a house? If so then no, I think you won't get a mortgage with no income. You generally would also need an income of sorts to rent. However, you can rent a place and pay in full up front for 6 or 12 months sometimes. This might be your best option for now. Women's Aid may also be able to help you find temporary accommodation. Others may be along to advise you on these things, I don't know much about how these organisations work. Would it be possible for your parents to buy you a place? An investment for them and somewhere safe for you and the boys.

In terms of telling your children, I'd be honest with them. Tell them that living with daddy is not working out that daddy is doing things that are unacceptable and he's broken promises, and that you're going to live elsewhere for a while, so you can all get happy and healthy again.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 21:00

@Oliversmumsarmy Yes I think he would, I just want to know whether I can put a deposit on a place if I don’t work?

OP posts:
SweetBabyJebus · 04/05/2018 21:01

That's true Olivers.

Get things in place first.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 21:04

Thanks, I pressed the post button before I saw your comment. And yes my parents would buy me a place but I would have to explain everything to them and I know they will be upset and most likely drop everything and come back and get us, I think I am going to put on hold telling the children, because my 12 year will not like what I tell him.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 04/05/2018 21:04

You’d need to show that you have an income for the ongoing rent and bills......

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 21:05

He can be very horrible sometimes, I don’t want him to turn his brothers against me.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearPlumb · 04/05/2018 21:08

You need to tell your parents OP.

If course they'll drop everything and come to you. That's what parents do!

Use their help. Accept it. Then get your life in order, get those children settled in a stable routine, and finish your education. Improve your self worth and independence. Never be reliant on somebody for everything ever again.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 04/05/2018 21:13

@EachPeachPearPlumb I will call them soon and tell them everything.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 04/05/2018 21:22

haven’t been able to take the boys to school today

This is where your priorities get completely screwed up.

Your kids education TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR FUKC UPS!! Or your relationship relationshit