To expect him to do a load of other shit too?

[HollyHunter18]

I get up at 6 each morning with my baby and make sure I’m out of the shower so my dh can shower at 7 as he commutes. This week he has overslept a couple of times and I’ve been changing nappies last minute a couple of times and he hasn’t got in shower unril7:15 but generally I’ve always been punctual for him even when baby was under 3 months and my son is only 3.5 with suspected ASD. My husband commutes but literally does no housework or anything else to do with running the home except occasionally putting the bin out, occasionally unloading/ unloading dishwasher. I ask him to occasionally take a basket of laundry up/down the stairs. When he complained this morning that I wasn’t always up so he could get in shower I reminded him that he chose to oversleep and ( were in separate beds and not getting along) and that it isn’t my job to wake him. “ it’s not my job to do a whole lot of other shit” was his reply. And he doesn’t. When my son was about 3 months old he wrote and printed out a list of everything he wasn’t prepared to do and what he was “ laundry relating to the children only”. He never did my son’s laundry. He’s a loving father but I get nothing from him and input a meal on the table every night, do his laundry, do housework etc. I am a stay at home mum and he has a job with lots of responsibility and commutes but he seems to resent doing the smallest things and is ready to pull me up when I slip a couple of times. Unreasonable of me?

You can’t pay someone else to do everything unless you’re rich! Also that would mean having a live in servant. It’s not only housework that we disagree on.

So he just wants to pay someone to do it but can’t afford it, so in other words he just wants you to do it.

What else do you argue about?

FGS, having to ask a grown adult to clean up his own shit, how depressing, you have a child there OP and a nasty one at that.

You sound like you are in an army and he's your saergent. I could not tolerate someone criticising me all the time when I am doing all the bloody work.

He's not a loving dad. He's a horrible human being. If my DH gave me a list like that he wouldn't be my DH for much longer.

If you live in the house and helped make the children then you deal with all the responsibilities that brings equally ( or proportionally depending on your situation) one person doesn't get to check out.

In this scenario I think the thing that would really affect the kids is angry (I don’t mean with them) unhappy mother who’s always tired.

Separation in itself is not a disaster, particularly if they end up with a mother who is much happier and more relaxed.

The list was about 3 years ago when my son was small and I did tell him to fuck off. I do stand up for myself but then I get lectures and told I’m “ unreasonable”. I get shouted/ sworn at and then told its because of my “behaviour “. When I then start crying/ shouting/ swearing I get told “ don’t tell me not to shout and swear if you’re doing it”

This is absolutely typical emotional abuse.

My DH had a similar upbringing but due to a father being absent most of the time. His mother did everything for them...but the funny thing is, his siblings are not at all like this.
I think that I have enabled my DH to behave this way after so much time thinking that my role as a SAHM included being taken for granted and ignored whilst doing every single thing involving childcare and household stuff.
Sorry to keep including references to my own situation but I think that you could be me in a few years.....and still feeling the same disappointment but magnified ten times.