Oh fucking shit. My Dad has accidentally sent me an email revealing that he is paying for sex.

[namechangedforethicaldilemma]

My Dad has been married to my step-mum for quite a few years, she is lovely, I really like her. My Dad originally split from my Mum when I was tiny because he cheated on her.

I'm borrowing my dad's holiday home next week, so he has been forwarding me emails between himself and the hire car provider as he has organised it with a guy he knows. He has accidentally forwarded me a thread between himself and a 21 year old (vom. I'm 34) where they discuss meeting for sex and money being exchanged.

What in the name of holy fuck do I do now? I'm fucking shaking.

Apologies for my earlier flippancy.

I know I couldn't be the messenger. I would just reply with just a question mark. Or possibly (as you sound much braver than me) "Are you going to tell [stepmum] or shall I?" Then the ball is firmly in his court and you may need to do nothing.

Thanks for the info @hivpos, that's really interesting, it must have been some scots cases I was thinking of.
It's a minefield really.

Thanks hivpos how absolutely fucking shocking! Can we get the SNP in to run the rest of the UK please?!

Oh op, what a very horrible thing for you to have to hear and then deal with. For what it is worth, I have personal exprience with this having had a vile excuse for a husband who did similar. It destroyed me when i found out but I can honestly say I am glad I did find out. Nobody should have to spend their lives living with the sort of hideous excuse for a person who happily does this. Despite the initial hurt I am so glad that I got he chance to make my own decisions about whether or not I was with a man like that.

I think putting the ball in your father's court is a good idea, give him the chance to tell your stepmother himself. Failing that then really she does need to know as she should have a full STI screening because your father may have come into contact with a any old STI and have then passed it on (again the same personal experience has taught me this)
Good Luck and again, I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I really think your stepmum needs to know, because of the risk of STIs that she's being exposed to. Confront your dad and give him a chance to tell his wife himself and if he doesn't, you should tell her yourself.

I'm really sorry, OP, it's a horrible position to be in.

@KitTheCar I think it was a Scottish guy who got done not long ago for intentionally infecting others - though prosecuted in England.

People mostly get HIV from from others who don't know they have it so can't be blamed - and there can be no signs. I wouldn't have known myself as the illness I had, I had no idea was seroconversion (which can happen shortly after infection). I just though it was a bug. Luckily I went to get checked a couple of months later for something unrelated and was offered STI testing at the same time. Never had full STI testing in my life - only HIV testing when pregnant.

There is a big push for regular testing for those not in monogamous relationships in an effort to reduce this. One third of all those living in the UK with HIV are female.

I've learnt such a shit load about shit I thought I'd never need to know about. Wouldn't want anyone else to go through the same. Stepping off soapbox now

I have a step daughter with a similar age gap to you, we also have a very good relationship and I think I would feel quite hurt and probably a bit embarrassed if it later transpired that she knew but hadn’t told me/encouraged DH to talk to me/hinted at something untoward.
I realise it’s an awkward situation and you have loyalty to your dad though so it is a tough call but like others have said you don’t know that he’s using protection, how many times this has happened before etc, also I think he’s probably lost a lot of your respect from you and whether you chose to speak out or not your relationship with him is going to be awkward/strained for a while after this

You like your step mum. I think she has a right to know....
would you want to know if this was your husband?
Tell your dad he can tell her or you will. And don’t budge. You won’t be able to look at either of them in the eye hiding this and you can’t be at peace with it.

Sorry to hear this OP

This thread has the daily wail written all over it, so.if you are bothered about it ending up in the paper I'd get it deleted

If you want a good way out of this for you!

Delete and ignore!
The alternative is to tell your Step Mum.
Ruin your Df and her relationship.
Ruin your relationship with your Df.
Ruin your Dc relationship with their Dgf.
I can't see how you would risk all this.
If you're so disgusted with your Df that you never want to see him again then carry on and tell your Step Mum.

Are you on glue? It's not OPs fucking wrong doing!

OP = you go and say something.

Then come back when it all goes tits up. ITs NONE of your business

I have to say, had I found out that anybody I thought respected me, had known about my h at the time and not told me I would have been very upset.

I'm amazed at how many people would
(a) Ignore
(b) Blame the OP for any wrecked relationships.

Personally I wouldn't be able to ignore it. I'd not be able to look my father in the eye ever again or live with myself for hiding this from my stepmum. Only an idiot would shoot the messenger.

I think that you're right to confide in your husband, discuss it, sleep on it and then go forward from there. I'd be tempted to say "dad I'm completely horrified at this. Does SM know?" See what he comes back with.

Have a glass of wine, I bet you need it! You must be reeling.

i have actually had this (similar)
Shared with H.
We never said a thing and i am SO glad we didn't

Can't believe the number of people saying ignore it. His cheating and willingness to expose his wife to STIs is one thing but this disgusting man thinks he can buy a woman young enough to be his granddaughter to wank into.

ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS

The thing is...he is your father. So even though he is massively in the wrong, and what he has done is abhorrent, you cannot just go merrily skipping off to your stepmother - it feels quite disloyal and a betrayal. What I would do would be to address it directly with my father, because I would feel disgusted and it would change how I saw him/I would want him to know that I know, so it's out in the open. I would probably try to get him to tell stepmother too, but NOT tell her myself as it isn't my place/she isn't where my loyalties lie. Definitely tell DH though, because he's your partner.

well, he has made it her business by being so careless. Now she does know it has become her business.

IT IS HER BUSINESS MOW AS HER FATHER HAS TOLD HER.

It’s isnt NONE of her business...he’s her Dad! It’s NONE of our business. But OP has asked for our advice so opened the door for us to comment. Equally her Dad - albeit accidentally- has opened the door for the OP to comment.

I also don't understand how it's none of her business.

It's usual in families to be close, cars about each other, look out for one of getting fucked around by another etc etc

Care about each other, even

I would ignore it, it's none of your business.

I also say ignore it. It's not your business.

Seriously, having been through this myself, the hurt of knowing somebody ignored it and let it continue without my knowledge would have been just the final kick in th teeth for me.