I’m going on a date...but when do I tell him I have 3 kids?

[Digestivescusturds]

I met him just over a week ago and we’ve been texting quite a bit since, so we decided we would go on a date and see how things go. This is my first date since ex husband and I broke up last June so nearly a year ago now. Do I tell him before the date or during? I also don’t even know how to bring it up, do I just blurt it out?

so ignore the doom merchants who will tell you that nobody will take on a woman with 3 children in tow.

I missed this post! Who said that? I don’t like the idea of anyone posting about “taking on” a woman, ffs.

i would have already told him. it could be a bit painful otherwise. that's quite a significant factor.

Single parents get a bad rap as it is, it’s really twatty to write some one off because they have kids before you’ve even sat down with them Rubbish. In fact it’s far better to be up front about not wanting a relationship with someone with kids rather than seeing where it goes and the relationship ending somewhere down the track because you realise that your first instinct to not get involved with someone with children was right all along.

I have kids and I wouldn’t go near a man with kids. And I wouldn’t blame a man who didn’t want to get involved with me because I have kids.

And you know what? In the beginning when I split from ex I was of the view that I wouldn’t have an issue getting involved with someone who already had kids. And then I saw how ex’s situation with his DP worked out and trying to blend families with disasterous consequences and I read the step parenting board and although I always had reservations I realised that blended families where there are DC on both sides are usually a disaster area for a multitude of reasons (and no, it’s not always about the bitch ex,) and I thank my lucky stars that things worked out for me the way they did.

My DP doesn’t have children and I would have been understandin if he’d not wanted to get involved with me because I do. But if I were back in the situation of wanting to date children would be a 100% dealbreaker for me. Especially now that mine are older and more independent. I wouldn’t want to go back to having very young children of my own, the hell would I want to do it with someone else’s.

Before you go on the date. He might love kids. Or you might be wasting both of your time. Kids would be a deal-breaker for me.

How old are you? What are you expecting from the date? I’d think with four kids you’d be at least 30 so he might assume you have kids as would you him if he’s that age. If it’s not come up yet I’d assume it’s not relevant for one reason or another. If you’re just hooking up and you start going on about your dependents it might sound like you’re looking for a stepfather for them when if you’re just seeking a boyfriend/distraction for when they’re at their dad’s it’s not really relevant.

I met someone in OLD site and only told him when we met I had a child, and he was pissed off. It was my very first experience. My intention wasn’t to hide anything but to explain my situation when we met in person. It didn’t work. Whilst I don’t state I have a child on my profile, I now always mention in the first couple of messages that I do. All have never bothered to message back after that point.

Very surprised you have avoided telling him, hence your question now OP. Just tell him, before the date.