In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

Sorry, another thing:) Lack of sleep, 2.36am, this morning, 3.15 yesterday, 4.25 day before, nowhere near enough. I can easily get to sleep, just can't stay asleep. Make no wonder I'm knackered.

Me too Lucky feel knackered.

I took a piriton tablet last night and slept well, got up 5am without feeling awful and went out for an hour's run. Have ordered some Siberian Ginseng and Co-enzyme Q10 to perk me up too.
Been feeling low for weeks, well really months and overdosing on wine and chocolate so am quite pleased with myself today. It also really helped that it was lovely and sunny first thing and am looking forward to the weather this week.

I take the Vogels menopause support tablets on Amazon and have found these really helpful as I didn't get on with HRT at all.

OK so managed about 20 minutes exercise, better than nothing :)

I found hitting 50 hard. It's like the last lap, the run up to retirement and death. Getting out of my long career has helped and starting a new business. Although I really can't be arsed lots. And nocturnal wakings, dripping literally, are regular. I now accept them and enjoy a brew and a list. If I had to get up early for work - mostly I don't - I'd feel much worse.
Thankfully I have dogs, therefore regular exercise, or I wouldn't be able to squeeze out of the door, I'm eating for 3 for some reason
Completely sympathise with op and pps. Oh and don't get me started on the neck and face

Really enjoying thus thread as its me

So sad that we are all sooo exhausted 😊

I am finding inspiring in that I am not alone as sometimes I think I am goung bonkers !

I've found it hard, especially with a chronic illness on top.

Nothing too much changed for me around 50, except the terrible stinky night sweats, ugh! And I experienced quite a lot of personal trauma too around those years.

Things seemed more settled in my mid-50s but I seem to be suddenly struggling. Overweight and can't shift it. Difficult Teen. Chronic health issues. Friendships have become weaker. Poor sleep. Struggle with motivation to do fun things, even if I had the energy. Feeling a bit sad and reclusive and also a bit fed up of people generally!!

1. My weight. I just can't get a handle on it. I really need to lose 2 stones. I hate being this overweight, I've tried everything myself, but can only sustain it for more than a couple of months, then its back to the drawing board. I am going to join a slimming club (maybe WW) to get some help with this, something I would never have entertained before.

1. Appearance, some is OK. But the neck thing ... it might be a good bit better though if I lost 1 -2 stones.

1. Dating. I can't do online dating. Tried it. Just met too many weirdos and creeps . Maybe there is someone suitable there but I can't face going through the whole business. On top of that, agree with whoever said they don't find men this age generally attractive or sexy. Its not their fault "we all lose our charms in the end" as Marilyn Monroe sang (Diamonds are A Girl's Best Friend) of course. The ones who do look vaguely physically attractive are usually full of themselves. And "online dating" is too contrived for me even if I met George Clooney.

1. Sleep. Nearly always slept well. Recently been struggling. Can't sleep till 2 a.m. Or sleep, then wake up between 2 a.m. and 6a.m., then back to sleep till 9 or 10 a.m. Mad!

I am trying some positive steps to deal with some of this. Really recommend Sheila Chandra's "Banish Clutter Forever". Its not another minimalism book where you spend hours tidying your draws and making "to do lists" pleasurable though that is with a cup of tea. She has a great system including a Master list where you put longer term projects. I am going to try and focus on some of this to help things improve (I hope).

The weird thing was I was feeling very positive only recently ... I don't know what suddenly happened. I'm hoping its a short phase. A little sign telling me I might need to make some more changes ...

and

SingSong snap, snap and snap again. Bloody Hellfire, we really ARE all in it together!!

I found hitting 50 hard. It's like the last lap, the run up to retirement and death. - s'true though innit?!

Christ you lot sound like you're on your last legs.

I have been wondering about the weird weather recently. I get low as anything over jan/feb but usually perk up in March as we get a little more daylight and sunshine....but this year we haven't and I feel crap. Bring on the proper spring!

For those who are struggling to get to sleep, stay asleep, or both, my GP said she was not prepared to give me sleeping tablets when I had months of hell with this problem as they have a proven addictive nature.

She did however recommend Sominex which you can buy from the pharmacy counter. It has been fantastic and I got some proper, uninterrupted sleep for the first time in ages. It also seems to have re-set my sleep pattern and I now only need to use it very occasionally. Best thing is that you don't feel groggy either when you wake up. I know tablets aren't for everyone but this is definitely worth a try.

Incidentally I have no vested interest in the commercial success of Sominex!

Spinning tonight god help me!

Was thinking about this in work today and the difference between work me and home me. In work, I’m awake and on the ball. And I have been asked to take over a new team so I must be impressing others not just myself!

At home though, bra off and sloppies is not quite as cute when your boobs have gone south along with the bags under your eyes and your neck(s).

It’s been a long winter alright, and I’m prone to hibernation in winter. Just don’t seem to be able to get out of my cave yet.

Am definitely going to chat to GP about blood tests for thyroid etc. Menopause symptoms are mostly finished so there’s got to be something else I can blame :-)

Thanks for Sominex recommendation Dancing.

Irian Perhaps it is influenced by the weather! Unusual for me to feel like this. I'm usually quite circumspect and positive, or at least normalise in short time. I could do a little gratitude exercise to help gain this back ... but I haven't got the motivation. And fear I might come up with nothing .

mind spin

I’d actually forgotten what it’s like to sleep through the night. I now take liquid magnesium before bed and melatonin tablets. Now If I wake up it isn’t a big deal as I go straight back to sleep. Both non addictive but hard to get melatonin on nhs I think. Worth a try though!

Think you can get melatonin on bivea website. Sadly it didn’t work for me but I’m glad it’s helping you Around
I sleep better now I’m on HRT

Sing I meet a friend at spinning so there’s no getting out of it. I feel good when I’ve finished though

You can get melatonin on iherb.com. I use the Nature's Bounty brand. I take 10mg and that usually keeps me asleep but I do feel a bit groggy in the morning. I find anti-histamines are better for helping me stay asleep (Piriton or Benadryl) but sometimes nothing works unfortunately.

I'm taking the second chance the natural coming to end of things - children needing full on mothering, full on job, marriage.

DoinItForTheKids - I know you say that you're taking a vit/min supplement, but as far as Vit D is concerned, the amount contained in multi supplements isn't anywhere close to enough to boost you if you're low. I'd definitely suggest getting your Vit D level checked - I'm not saying it will solve everything, but it certainly won't be helping. It's now thought that a high proportion of people in the northern hemisphere are deficient and mostly don't know it! There's a great FB page for Vit D - worth checking out.

As to the rest of it - as others have said, I can definitely relate. Feeling middle aged, past my prime, overweight, lacking enthusiasm & friends. Before I had children I was in fantastic physical shape, loads of friends, fit & health & happy. Now I spend my days feeling rubbish, eating rubbish, wondering what the point of it all is!

Oh Lucky, I know what you mean! I would love more friends, especially ones who wanted to go and see films and shows!

Doinit, there is a Freebies section on Gumtree where I am. I've shifted quite a few things on it as can never get the Freecycle website to work!

Interesting how many people are joining this thread. It seems we are not alone!

Inspired by this thread : today I have joined a gym booked 5 classes, called for an appt with Chinese lady who helped my friend through her menopause, had health assessment 44% body fat very good - not !! I feal like menopause has arrived with wings on it inability to think brain fog, hot sweats, lack of energy and inertia hideous

Im further into 50s that you. What helps me..l do circuit training 3 times a week. It makes me feel young as l did it for years but gave it up. I went to counselling and got serious baggage offloaded so feel great. I am heavier than when a young one but dress well and circuits tone me up..l think. I get me hair blow dried every weekend . My kids are all in college so not as many demands. Really enjoy my job as not pulled with childcare/ dinners etc.I constantly arrange to meet friends for coffee and meet my siblings so keep that side going. I also try to give back and am involved in two volunteer things. No HRT. Iron and vitamins. Feel brilliant.
Counsellor suggested we tick the following needs boxes..physical, spiritual, emotional social , work.....can't remember the rest but its good to have the balance.

My dh has a long term illness so my life isn't all sunshine but l don't feel old or on the scrap heap.

Christ you lot sound like you're on your last legs.. Thanks Jon66 . If you are a man, it may do you good to realise this is what the majority of women go through.