In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

Jon, may I suggest that you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie?

If you do, you - and others like you - will realise where you're going wrong. Unless you don't like other people at all - in which case you're doing a good job!

I'm 52 and having a massive mid-life crisis. I never thought my 50s would be such a headf**ck.

I guess most of us are awake at the moment - so frustrating.

I've lost friends over the last year or so as have become intolerant of some views.

On the positive front - I am finding fake tan on my face helps and nail varnish is a quick way to feel a bit more put together. Having said all that, I made a huge effort with my appearance on Sunday and thought I looked nice. The photos today suggest otherwise!

Those sodding photos right?! I'm not a deluded person and I'm conducting the full range of face make up processes going on and I look ok in the mirror and think well that's ok, wrinkles etc aside of course, but when photographed [shudder].

Chin hairs. I have these white wiry feckers. They're utterly unstoppable. Laser no good due to their colour. What is working fairly well (by keeping the skin totally fresh) is this routine: wash/cleanse, indeed labs powder exfoliator, nip and fab glycolic scrub, glossier something or other aha liquid, the ordinary aha 50 per cent something something in squalane, moisturizer of choice.

You are SO right yet more, we would be.

Yes OBVIOUSLY I was awake before 5am ! Got back to sleep til 6 though so go me.

Gosh. Just RTFT and don’t know what to feel. So many women in the same boat (actually probably that’s a bad metaphor considering some of the stuff from Jon).
Here’s what helped me, for what it’s worth. My DM was 48 when she died. When I got to be older than she ever was, I stopped eating crap and pretending to go to the gym. I didn’t do any exercise while I was losing weight, too tired because I was eating not very much at all. It took six months to lose three stone, and it’s stayed off. Once I’d lost the weight, I started walking a couple of times a week. Very fast, with loud music (and talking to myself like a proper mad old bat). It seemed to tone everything up, and my joints stopped hurting. I do a lot of different outdoors stuff now, and have met loads of new people as a result.

I think you just have to have the conversation with yourself, and say something like “this is me now, and I might not have as many years left as I’d like, and I need to grasp them by the bollocks”.
OP, you and others have put things so well, and I don’t want to be coming over all “look at me, I changed my life” but you CAN and you should just grasp it, because you only get one go. Women are brilliant, we have so much stuff to deal with, and we deserve to do the best for ourselves.

Good post otter. Did you lose 3 stone pre or post menopause?

Has anyone lost it post menopause?

Well, post menopause just about. I was 53.

Joining to say hello. 51, menopausal, overweight, lost my mojo and direction. Still recovering from death of DM. HRT has helped a bit but generally I just feel quite sad. I am decluttering too and find that quite cathartic. Downsized to help with DS uni fees (the full whammy as he doesn't even get a loan-God help us).

I recognise my DM in my symptoms, she and most of the women on the street were prescribed Valium in the early 70s. This was the start of her alcoholic phase, and my low level depression - what a sad state of affairs.

I find it helps when I know I'm not alone, not so I can wallow in my misery but feeling alone emphasises the emptiness.

Thanks for the post OP

Am 58 and the days go by and that's about it! Let's keep this thread going not just for the suggestions and support but because older mum's are still mum's (I thought I would stop worrying so much about my two when they left home - what a joke) so along with all the stuff so many on here are experiencing, back damage and fretting I could do with somewhere to make new friends. Oh and am I the only one who would like the option of being put down on some days!

Oh god I've found my people. ...blatant placemark but yes yes yes to every single sympton on this thread. Thanks op...i'll be back !!

northernlights0710 I don't need people thanks. Quite happy with who and what I am and where I am in life. I am Aspergers but don't let that worry you, it doesn't worry me ☺

I came across this thread this morning at 3.15am when I was yet again wide awake!

I am almost 49, 5 stone overweight and I feel in the last year I have really started to look and feel my age.

Youngest child is 12 and now at high school. My mother is in a nursing home. DH works away in the week. I now have so much free time but I have no energy to do anything. It feels like such a waste.

Yesterday I started the blood sugar diet and I am doing the 2 meals a day thing too.

I hadn't had a period for 6 months until last week. It was horrific! I was hoping that I was finished with them but looks like its back to square 1.

Morning everyone:)

Not a lot in the way of sleep last night, but walked to work and back this morning, it's only a 20 min walk, but every little bit helps (hopefully)

I am grateful for this thread. It has got me thinking and I've picked a few things up posted by you lovely folk and I feel lighter and brighter than I have done it a while.

I do realise I'm in a rut and only I can get myself out of it. I'm sure we're all aware of that. Sometimes that's easier said than done!

Yesterday was a better day and today is so far so good.

Got a lovely healthy lunch planned and I'm going to do a bit more exercise while that's cooking.

Belinda that is how I feel, lots of free time and no motivation to do anything! I look around people my age and they are doing stuff like running marathons, I cannot see how that would ever happen!

Yes meant to say thanks for starting this thread. It would be great to keep in going to read about how others are coping and feeling.

Mojo - I lost 2.5 stone a few years post menopause so there is hope!

Have you tried
Berocca Doinit? It's a tablet which dissolves in water to make a fizzy drink consisting of B vitamins, which our bodies don't store, so we're easily deficient in them. Vitamin B deficiency has been linked to depression and anxiety as well as lack of energy. Apart from turning your wee fluorescent yellow, they're bloody marvellous

OP. Sorry you’re feeling glum.

Do you think it would be a good idea to consider having your Implanon removed? Iirc, it’s progesterone based and progesterone is the Bad Mood And Lethargy hormone.

What HRT do you take? If you’re not using topicals/transdermal it might be worth considering a switch. Just a thought.

Another thing that works for me so just putting it out there. Draw up a mind map so it’ll be on one page of all the areas you want to tackle - job/house/body/face/garden/clothes etc.

imindmap.com/how-to-mind-map/

Hi everybody, I’d love it if this thread keeps going as we can support each other in our own safe place.
Today’s achievement I went to the gym. I try and do exercise most days as I find it lifts my mood. Motivation is difficult but once I’m there I feel great. I have a lot of demands on me from family members so I try and carve out time for myself.
My rules are to try and take each day as it comes
To be as patient and kind to myself and others if possible, if I fail in this, not to beat myself up as I’m only human.
I buy lovely, healthy food every week
I try not to drink alcohol during the week

I have many slip ups with all my rules

I was just reading an old review of the Pinter play "No man's Land" - "... the sense of being caught in some mysterious limbo between life and death, between a world of brute reality and one of fluid uncertainty."

That's how I feel today!

Been to gym classes two days and on mfp to log my calories etc. Had appointment with Chinese medicine lady today £200 lighter let’s see if it’s worth it had a lot of supplements and my joints don’t ache as much. Have signed up for an interiors course starting tonight wd prefer to be in bed ! Love this thread nice to know I’m not on my own aiming to lose 20lbs

Just done 30 minutes of exercise- not much but given I wanted to slob on the sofa with a cuppa still an achievement. Is it only me who is finding OH increasingly irritating? He’s always been quite selfish but lately it’s really making me think can I be bothered to stay with him. Don’t want to do anything drastic if it will pass but feel my life just fits around what he wants at the moment

I feel fitter than I have done in years, lost 2 stone, face not that bad. My main beef is that the world seems to shrink when you are older and my tolerance levels are at rock bottom. The area I would most like to change is my job. I hate it, it makes me shrink. I cannot abide the office politics, the snide comments but the pay is good, and there are quite a lot of flexibilities. I would give up the pay etc for a job that I liked, but this is where the mid life crisis renders me motionless - I fear that I would have given up pay etc for the same old shit. That’s the crux of it, the same old shit is the only shit but when you are younger you don’t know that, you try stuff and if it doesn’t work out you do something else. Something else in middle age is scary, you are running out of time.

I never used to be this dithery anxious woman. I used to take risks, flout rules. Now I overthink everything. My latest thing is to worry about car crashes when my DH is driving. This is new. Its like I have Tourettes, especially on a motorway. Watch out, mind that car, slow down etc. Presding an imaginary brake. Can’t help myself shouting out. My DH is really going through the mill with me at the moment. I read somewhere about the menopause that worrying about the car crashing is a common symptom!

Bloody hell Time - I haven't been worrying about car crashes but you know what, I'm wondering now if I should!!

Please don’t Staples, it is exhausting and does not make for an harmonious relationship. I am likely to be the cause a crash with my random, and annoying, warnings! I have to pretend to be asleep so that I cannot see the potential carnage ahead. Mad old bint at the moment!