In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

Yes, ma'am!

biblio - but don't think it's all doom and gloom. Many good times to be had both post menopause and past 50. Problem is, menopause and pre menopause weren't really talked about until fairly recently - it was something women just needed to get on with. That's slowly changing now.

As well as Shocker's advice, I'd say look after your feet and finances 😀

Thanks, Flowering, I'll admit that this thread made me a bit nervous, so it's good to hear that.

My mother would never breathe a word to me about menopause, but she found a career she loved and really blossomed in her fifties and sixties, so I have a good example there.

I can recommend Wild Orange oil on the temples if driving to e.g. an unknown neighbourhood, worried about getting lost etc. It really helps me!

I take Bach Rescue Remedy capsules when I’m faced with something stressful, Polly. They taste of orange, so probably have that in them.
I’ve been known to pop one before covering a difficult class .

As you were, biblio

Hello Biblio. Things I wish I’d done in my 40s - more exercise, lost weight.
Things I’m glad I did - looked after my skin and teeth, stayed out of the sun.

I never thought of trying Rescue Remedy capsules though I do regularly use the spray in the winter when my SAD/Asperger's is playing up. :)

@PollyPelargonium52 does Rescue Remedy work for SAD? What does it do? (I'd try anything)

Biblio - good question! In addition to the things suggested here (and I can't emphasise financial planning, good diet and exercise too much) I'd add have sex as often as possible. There may well be drier spells ahead and it's good to build up a nice reservoir of intimacy with your partner. And buy the nicest clothes you can afford, with a view to hanging onto them for a good long time.

The best solution for SAD is a light box but I can't use those as I get hypertension and it is a contraindication.

So I use Bach Flower remedies with limited success but anything is better than nothing lol.

Thanks Best. I'm on the low carb bootcamp thread, so trying to tackle that side. And thinking of this thread, I slathered on the suncream yesterday.

I wish to the sex bit, Pear! Have been single for ages, so not much happening on that score.

The bootcamps are brilliant Biblio. I did it a few years back and loved it. Unfortunately have gained the weight back this year and can’t get motivated to start again.

Best but do bootcamp low carb work for the majority. If you gain it back then is it sustainable for you? I stopped dieting years ago. Refused to spend the rest of my life obsessing about what I can eat and what I can't. Now just eat mindfully and eat whatever I want (as long as hungry) and stop when satisfied. I read Beyond Chocolate and really helped me.

I would say yes bootcamp low carb would work for the majority. It's a lifetime eating approach if you understand it. The bootcamp bit is the strict first phase which can be a couple of weeks or can be longer if you wish and are really wanting kickstart weight loss through the burning of fat. In this phase you strictly limit carb intake and force the body to use its fat reserves rather than its glycogen, to fuel the body, after all, you want to lose body fat so you want to be burning fat.

Part of the issue with low carb is sometimes due to people not understanding what carbs are (not saying for a minute that this is you Dotty!). But they don't realise that vegetables are carbs, coffee is carbs, milk is carbs - they just think rice pasta noodles potatoes bread not really getting that carbs are anything that is, was or is derived from a plant.

Then it's having the understanding of how the body fuels itself in different circumstances and of the way that what we eat influences the insulin response of the body - when you manage your carbs you're inherently protecting yourself from diabetes and protecting your body's insulin response mechanism.

This is, essentially, Atkins although I dread to say its name since the lazy and loud sections of the media showed it as an 'eat as much cheese bacon and meat as you can and never eat a potato again' diet but it's not, it has all the factors required in a really good for-your-whole-life diet: management of insulin response and diabetes avoidance, enthusiastic avoidance of processed foods (often low fat ready meals for example are stuffed with carbs), eat plenty of veggies - that's never unhealthy.

And even if you go quite 'extreme' and are eating higher proportions of fat and protein each day, you will NOT suddenly get heart disease. There are peoples of the world who live on whale blubber and seal meat - there are no plants where they reside - and their heart disease levels are really low. We've been sold a crock with regard to fat is bad for you. Yes, certain fats and endless fried food of course, but you can be getting your fat from healthy foods like eggs or avocado's or nuts and seeds for example.

I'm going hard (or going home ha ha!) with my eating at the moment. The litmus test for me is 'do I feel hungry all the time' (always the sign of a rubbish diet). The answer? No. How many calories did I have yesterday? 660. Never felt starved once. Awake this morning - don't feel remotely hungry. Yesterday I had 55% fat 36% protein, the rest carbs (14.67 grams). I'll be doing this for several weeks and then will gradually reintroduce and raise the carbs but it will be through salads and veggies and good things (avocado's.... mmmmm).

Sorry, I've gone off on one there but wanted to share what I'm doing at the minute. I also don't do breakfast at the moment - I have lunch which is a single protein meal (chicken or salmon) then at tea time anything really so long as it's low carb but often scrambled eggs with some cheese sprinkled on top (yummy). Then nothing until lunch the next day so I've whacking in fasting too which is also supportive of maintaining your body's healthy insulin responses and also helps encourage the burning of fat from the body's fat stores.

So yes you're right to query the gaining it back bit but any diet is something that should be able to be continued and with Atkins (which anything low carb is really) you don't just dump the low carb and go crazy for the chips and pasta, you gradually increase the carbs over multiple weeks by eating more healthy nutrition-filled carbs and only raising them incrementally and periodically until you are at the right % carb level for you - so you wouldn't put weight back on if you manage that coming-out-of-the-strict-phase phase properly .

Whilst feeling continually up and down mood-wise as per many of us are on here I'm feeling quite positive about the eating/dieting at the moment not least kind of have to because I can't fit into any of my summer dresses so that does present quite a problem as you can imagine!!! I agree with you on the mindful eating Dotty - it can be really helpful to look at triggers and the emotional aspects as well - it's never just about what you eat or how much, it's a whole complex subject isn't it and everyone's different.

Anyway, it looks like its another decent bright day so I think that's helping and I wish everyone a good and happy day today.

I’ve gained it back due to eating crap through stress caused by changing jobs and moving less plus a thyroid issue.

I did need to be motivated but I did feel much better.

Mindfully for me seems to mean if it’s on my mind I have to eat it.

The best diet for me was the Harcombe one which is more or less low carb with a bit of porridge thrown in.

I like your description of what mindfulness is - I can be like that myself - bloody carbs are like crack!

You should be writing for TV comedy Best, you've got a fabulous turn of phrase .

I'm feeling good about the low carb thing, but we'll see how it goes. Stuff I thought was psychological (the need to comfort eat) seems to be largely physiological (not experiencing carb/sugar cravings at the moment at all).

I "know" Best from the 50 Books thread, and you're right about her having a great turn of phrase, Doin.

Doinit I've done low carb, Atkins, every diet under the sun and if any had worked I would never have needed another diet ever. In my opinion diets are bad. They set up most women with disordered eating issues from an early age. Why do we diet? If we listen to our bodies and get back in touch with real hunger, we do lose weight naturally (not a quick fix mind). After 40 years of diets I realised diets are the problem not me. (56 now). I know if I even attempt a diet now it will at some point end up in a binge and Overeating on all forbidden foods. I have never felt so free in my life with eating and food as I do now.

How many calories did I have yesterday? 660. Never felt starved once.
@DoinitForTheKids would you mind teling us what you ate for those 660 cals? I feel raging with hunger and anger if I have only 600 cals. I'd probably be eating lots of salad leaves, raw carrots, fresh fruit and some lean meat on that amount. I'm intrigued what you ate. I realy must get my act together on this. I am fat and gaining by the week. Seems like in your fifties the food you always ate just doesn't match what you need anymore.

Doin I liked your post . Very helpful for anyone wanting to low carb or fast. I find I never eat breakfast so my body fasts naturally. You are right of course we are all different. I'm coming from a place of having grown up and not being allowed to eat food unless it was diet food. Told I was fat etc (I wasn't) and kept at 7 stone which is terrible for a 14 year old who was 5ft 9. I looked awful. Fast forward to my 40s and I realised that I had a terrible body image and relationship with food and felt such sadness to have spent all those years trying to achieve the perfect body. I sought help and learnt about disordered eating and gradually learned to start liking my self.

Aw, that’s sweet of you both .
Biblio has great taste in books - I find we often agree.

Today's meals:
4 x coffee with milk and sweeteners
1 x full chicken breast from Sunday's roast with skin
1 x large field mushroom, 30g grated cheese on top, two fried medium eggs
10.4 net carbs, 651 calories, 48% protein, 45% fat

Yesterday's meals:
5 x coffee with milk and sweeteners
Smoked salmon 150g (whole pack) for lunch, lime juice
3 med scrambled eggs (no milk), 30g grated cheese on top
35 g piece of breaded chicken (naughty - breaded stuff is not on the list!)
Net carbs 4.2, calories 660, protein 36%, fat 55%.

I am STUFFED. Haven't felt hungry at all (and you don't because of the high levels of protein and fat); feel fully sated.

That's what I'm going to be doing for the next few weeks anyway - I shall let you know how I get on!

Bloody period again today - I look about 5 months pregnant, feel like crap - and yet HRT has helped with overheating and sleeping so possibly it's just peri-menopause, meh, who knows.

Reading with interest want to come back to this

Thanks for posting that Doingit. It's really interesting. Most calories come from protein and a bit from fat, then? Is that what stops the hunger pangs? But you're not getting anything near yoru five-a-day. Is that not a problem in terms of getting vitamins? Though I guess you could add a massive leaf salad for about 40 cals and still be in under 700 cals a day.

I'd really miss veg and fruit. But I need to lose weight fast. Do you feel OK on it - apart from TOTM?