In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

Ok - how about we say one thing we are going to do today - then we can report back when it’s done

I have some plants that need to be put in the garden and some solar lights - both have been lying around for weeks - I am sorting them out today - I should be able to manage that 😬😄🍷

@Claudia I think we'd all do far better if, when we book time off work, we spend at least the first 24 hours doing nothing but self care - lie-ins, garden lounging, gentle walks, bathroom pampers, feelgood films, a new novel to read etc. And only after that day of rest start facing the ToDo Mountain.

@DoinIt
maybe this is the incentive that I need - the possible scorn of folk whose opinions matter to me?!!? Hah! That's the only incentive that works for me. House gets cleaned when we have guests. The trick is to try and have guests every couple of weeks so it never gets too slummy.

This is clearly the way forward Mina!!

Today I have: washed kitchen windows and downstairs loo windows inside and out, repaired the cloakroom blind and cleaned the lavvy, washed out my wheelie bin, done a bit of weeding on the drive, thoroughly cleaned the kitchen, put the dishwasher through a cleaning cycle, folded and put away all the laundry, cooked lunch for one and dropped another on to a bus station about 30 minutes away so they can go and stay at their cousin's for the weekend. Not bad, not bad.

I have run out of the burst of energy I had earlier but am reassured that there's still tomorrow and Monday to go and if I adopt the same approach I'm sure I'll get more done.

Claudia this is exactly what I do and then I feel ashamed every time DDs boyfriend comes round but clearly not ashamed enough that I do anything about it. Note to self: it must be a family member or work colleague for the shame level to be high enough to convert into action! You did make me laugh about the neighbour! I too get locked in this cycle of if I don't do x first I can't do y. Nightmare.

Blimey doinit you’ve done tons!sit down now.
I too wish I could lounge for 24 hours but am dogged by anxiety about all the things I need to do.
Ds coming tomorrow to do a big clear out so today I am compromising and doing slow gardening which is a pleasure even though physically I need to rest.
Going to sit out with a cuppa now and enjoy the sun

Have a lovely tea break myidentity !

I am, I'm watching Gogglebox.

I haven't got anything to add really ... well I have, but then I'd probably write pages!

But I do feel things stirring and some changes ahead. I feel part of me has been on a coercive hamster-wheel "to do" list for at least 4 years (maybe longer!) and now that those unending (mainly trivial) demands of everyday life are slowly receding, I'm hoping that part of life will be put more in its rightful place. They say business before pleasure, but should it not have at least an equal place? Happiness, joy, relaxation, dreams, fun should surely have equal footing with all the stuff one has to do to 'keep the show on the road'.

Anyway, time for a nice, fat mug of coffee

to ponder more

Ladies I really hope the Vogel supplements work for me as I am having terrible bloating. I had put on a nice summer dress yesterday and it has made me look 3 months pregnant. I didn't look like that the last time I put it on last year!

Eeek lol.

NewScenesofJoy would love to see/know what you have bought clothes wise
After reading these threads will get some Menopace today. Have gone through menopause with no problems, no hrt etc. Stopped dairy which stopped hot flushes for me and cut down on sugar and carbs too. Feel more emotional lately and achey and stuff so will give these a try and do some yoga .

How can you be overwhelmed about cleaning - I almost feel phobic about it, when I think about doing it it actually makes me really anxious

I came home from running some errands yesterday to discover I'd left the back door open. I looked inside and I honestly couldn't tell if we'd been burgled as the kitchen/dining/living room had looked ransacked before I left the house that morning.

Also over-eating like someone demented

Same! I've put on 24lbs since I stopped working 18 months ago. It was supposed to be a temporary break whilst I focused on my health, well-being and looking for a job I'd actually enjoy. It seemed like a good plan at the time ....

At least we are not alone landslide!

Has anybody cut down drastically on caffeine and found it helped menopausal symptoms?

I have decided to have no more than two cups tea a day now.

Although I have tried this before and never stuck to it.

We shall see!

Please can I join? I was just about to start a thread called, "I want a total life overhaul but don't know where to begin" but then I found you all here!

I'm 47, and in the past 5 years have just gone 100% downhill. When I was 39, I got divorced, lost 4 stone, joined a gym, socialised, had a lovely job. Then I met DH2, moved house, my job finished, I piled the weight back on, and everything has just gone crap again.

I can't blame DH, only myself. I'm not actually depressed, but really "flat". I've developed massive anxiety, fibroids have made my periods horrific, the weight has aged everything about me and I honestly just look so, so plain and dumpy now. I know looks shouldn't matter but bugger me, it's depressing to look back on photos of me taken on my 40th birthday where I look sodding AMAZING.

I have a new job that I'm crap at. I have few friends nearby. I don't feel I really connect with anyone in this town, somehow.

I guess I'm lonely. Argh!

Please can I hang out with all you gorgeous lot??

I gave up smoking 3 years ago and since then, I eat and can't focus. I'm honestly wondering if I have ADHD, but I can't go back to my Dr again for more tests -- I seem to live in that GP's surgery, with weight gain, period stuff, anxiety attacks, stress, low mood...

Welcome WhatsGoingonEh - i have suffered anxiety/depression most of my life and I've come to the conclusion that II have ADD. I can just imagine my GP's face if I went in and suggested that to him!

It's crap isn't it. I used to do Park Run and honestly it just was such a solitary experience within that massive crowd of runners I can't tell you! I stay at home virtually all the time, it's safest.

WhatsGoing I do relate to the 'flatness' and the fibroids. I had the Molina coil (never could spell it... thought I'd be creative with the name instead) and apart from some initial horrors with it, it worked well... for me.

The flatness persists though and is such an odd, 'removed' feeling - I sometimes feel so absent in my own life, like I am now this living overcoat of flabby skin dumped on the floor, while my former active, vivacious even!, self disappears into the mists of time.

I just wonder, is this an evolutionary physiological thing? I recall a few years ago this 'crone' image of women being 'celebrated' as a rite of passage... So, are we supposed to be slumped in the corner of our wattle and daub semi, emanating wisdom and waddling to a cupboard to get our next sugar/salt/toxin of your choice fix?

I hope not. I do believe in change and empowerment at any age. I've been (skimming) reading about autophaging and feel a glimmer of hope... and dare I say it, interest!!

I really think attitude/mood and physiology can be linked together (oh no, is that sounding a bit crone-ish?!), but it's the approach, and that means persuading that deeply - and poorly - conditioned individual that is currently dwelling in some very dark recess of my psyche that a family sized bag/bar of crisps/chocolate per evening is not the answer.

I believe in incremental gains over will power (which mostly just feels like a massive 'holding breath' exercise), so how do I persuade my personal Gollum to step into the light bit by bit? It really beggars belief when I'm talking to myself, suggesting other approaches: good, positive, potentially uplifting choices and they simply fall on my own deaf ears... !

(Today is a thoughtful, but not a particularly great day... )

Haven’t posted in a while but been lurking and keeping up with everyone’s posts. Just wondered if anyone had found anything that helped with the anxiety. My house is a complete mess and the garden is becoming a overgrown wilderness. DH suggested getting someone in to do some clearance in the garden but I just have overwhelming feeling of anxiety at the thought. A mixture of worrying about being judged and that i’ve failed. Not helped by the fact that although it’s his idea I know that he will leave it to me to decide what needs doing, whether cost is reasonable, be around to check work etc. It just feels like more than I can cope with at the moment. Anyone have any suggestions?

I’m 52 this month and have found over the last couple of years that I can’t focus my mind enough to do anything constructive. I used to be proactive; now I’m reactive.

However... I very recently started taking CBD oil and am noticing a calmness of mind and less pain in my joints (I have suffered from chronic hip and knee pain for years), which helps me to sleep. I don’t feel inclined to drink alcohol to wind down either.

It’s not cheap, but it’s been very worth it for me so far.

I’ve also hired a rowing machine (it has water in it for resistance), which seems to be making a big difference to my fitness level and shape, but not my weight (I’m slimmer, but still the same weight).

My house is still a mess though. Small steps.

theLandslidebroughtmedown your house sounds great 😁
I've upped the exercise and feel slightly better. everything is such hard work though. I've packed in drinking - using the alcohol experiment website - but the energy is yet to return
At least we are all doing something... I'm trusting that I'll get there.

Cashew- you are brilliant!

This made me laugh.

Shockers what is CBD oil please?

Grey I take Vogel St John's Wort tincture, Vit D 1000 , Evening Primrose Oil 1000, Cod Liver Oil, Glucosamine and Menopace Plus. I find St John's Wort a life saver as an anti depressant. Can't be taken with HRT or contraceptive pill I don't think.

OK, I have just eaten an entire (family) bag of Bassets Milk Bottles. And 2 muffins with Lurpak.

I am shattered after a week at work and currently (as in the last year or so) seem to swing from feeling:-

1. 'Hey, I'm ok with getting old and fat. Gosh what a relief to be able to not give a shit/embrace my faults. I love being chilled about not caring what I look like'

2 'Oh God. I am repulsive and huge and am probably giving myself massive health problems because of my weight/diet/crap lifestyle. What if I have something serious? Maybe there is a medical reason I am so fat and knackered and don't feel like myself anymore...'

Am I the only one who feels panicky at not knowing who or what I am any longer?