In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

I went out to my concert last night and really enjoyed it. It was in central London. This is an area I was brought up in, know it very well even if I don’t live there now. I am used to bustle but bloody hell I struggle now with crowds, traffic, noise. It was an assault on my senses and an found it overwhelming. I saw a shoplifter run out of a department store being chased and I felt fearful, like there was danger around every corner. This is so not like me. I have been a risk taker in the past and yet I felt discombobulated by walking in an area I know well. I too only feel comfortable in nature now but that is not the reality of my life. This has surely got to be another symptom, like I am heading towards the vulnerabilities of old age.

Also new is my paranoia that people don’t like me so I am overcompensating and being unauthentic. Usually I could not give a shiny shite what anyone thinks about me but I seem to be seeking peoples approval all the time, people whose opinion I don’t even like. It is like I am pleading for them to like me. This uncertainty and vulnerability is worse to me than the flushes.

@Timefortea99 Glad you enjoyed the concert. Who was playing?

I went through that sudden fear thing a few years ago, soon after I turned fifty. Started feeling scared of being pretty much anywhere except home or on a country walk with someone (not alone). But I did get over it by doing new stuff all the time, and increasingly widening my experiences. I remember even feeling scared of trying a new cafe and wanted to scuttle off to Prets as it's been my favourite forever.

We spend so long working out what we really like in life - even the small, unimportant stuff, like what haircut or clothes suit us best, what food we like etc, that we get stuck in the rut of them and then can't climb out. I love knowing what I like, but now try not to let that mean I don't want to try new stuff. When I started trying to do new things often, it was odd how often it actually felt scary, even if it wasn't scary - choosing a new dish in a restaurant instead of the usual favourite made me feel jumpy.

I would just like to mention how much I am really enjoying this thread. I don't feel so bad as some of you but can certainly related. I am planning to buy some supplements for the menopause has anybody tried them? They are a French brand called Serelys and made from bees pollen. The symptoms match me so much. I don't get the night sweats or heat flashes like many but lots of other things, low morale, irritability, bloating, insomnia etc. If I have a bad night's sleep I can feel very low the next day it is really weird stuff what this stage of life can do to a person! Unfortunately previous generations do not seem to relate to this whatsoever the older generations I mean. I think they did not work and did not live so fully stretched as families do these days. Work work work then house house house and children it can get a bit overwhelming for us ...!

Mina - if it was on my own it would be some remote beautiful island paradise where I could do absolutely NOTHING for however long I was there aside from eating, drinking cocktails, swimming and snorkelling. This could be anywhere from a lesser known Greek island to the Seychelles. If it was with the kids, I'd love to take them to NYC.

cherrytrees I used to get the twitching legs but HRT patches have resolved that a lot, other than when I'm exceptionally tired. Not sure if others have other things that have worked for them but be good to hear. I've got the beginnings of varicose veins as well - if you had £££ you can have them zapped whilst they're still small. Of course, not an option open to many of us so we will just have to sit and watch them get worse and worse - what joy! You've reassured me with your hour by hour mood changes because that's how I can be as well and it's really disconcerting. At this age it's about the last thing you expect really. I don't obsess but I do worry that some kind of illness is right around the corner, something serious, and that makes me worry about being able to work and about my kids.

Polly I never got mega hot flushes (for which I am eternally grateful) but my thermostat was clearly totally on high and it wasn't until I started HRT that I realised the excessive overheating was gone, that I realised how bad it had actually been! Sometimes (whilst I absolutely do not feel depressed - I've had that before, it's not what I've got now) I will wake in the morning for work and for a split second I just feel like crying and I have to pull myself together and go back to work where they speak of collaboration but no one does it apart from some of us, where there's gender discrimination and crappy managers and workshy colleagues that no one ever does anything about. Now at the point where I'm not sleeping well at night and this had been resolved by the patches but now it's back and that's something I'm really really missing. Thank GOD I can work from home one day a week because otherwise I am not sure how I'd actually manage a full week at work in the office every day.

I take vitamin B3 which has helped somewhat but it isn't foolproof and I am hoping the Serelys will work better and I can then stop the B3.

I definitely sleep a lot lighter and rarely wake up refreshed. Sigh!

Hello! Polly told me about this thread so, I'm marking my place and will try to get reading after work, dinner, Dd etc. It does seem like I might have found my people though :)

We're all here Solo, knackered as we are and looking forward to hearing from you again!

There was me thinking it was just I who suffered such frizzy hair these days nothing works for more than an hour I swear I had no idea it was yet another symptom !!

Thanks for the tip ref Sominex up earlier on the thread may well check it out pending the Serelys kicking in.

This is such a comforting and inspiring thread! I'm wondering if I'm perimenopausal - am addicted to sugar, putting on lots of weight and my emotions are all over the place. I listen to music on my commute to work and often have to skip tracks with sad music or lyrics because otherwise I start to tear up. Had a difficult meeting at work last week and to my horror literally started sobbing uncontrollably, it was awful. I think of myself as a basically happy and resilient person so this is really new and depressing. Often feel very worthless too, surprised that DH loves me, undeserving.

On the other hand I've decided to splash out on a good wardrobe of clothes and for the first time in my life feel like I've got a lovely collection of outfits which all go well together and are comfy and my style (even though not very fashionable). It's great being able to wear everything rather than not being able to wear something because I haven't got the shoes or bra or jacket I need, etc. The credit card has taken a pounding! But I view it as an investment and enjoy wearing items I love over and over again.

There's a lot to be said for putting on something that you feel comfortable in and feel good in each day.

I never had the flushes during the day but the sweaty sleepless nights. Oh god. I spend the night wrestling with the duvet.
I have asked the doc about HRT but because my thyroid was a little under active she wanted to start me on levothyroxine first.

To be fair, I think I’ve been lucky with the menopause so far but (at 55) I am definitely struggling with energy levels.

I did get on better when I swapped to a merino wool duvet. It's nowhere near as nice as snuggling under a lovely feather duvet but it does seem to help with the overheating somewhat.

Have some reflections and things whirling around in my mind which I could write - but am too tired, perhaps will manage tomorrow!

Hello people
I’m unable to sleep stressed about work and utterly overwhelmed by life. I’ve got to the point where I don’t feel I can function much longer I feel under so much pressure.
I don’t think I even have time or opportunity to speak to my boss and say I’m done.

Hello myidentitymycrisis
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment. You're not alone, really you're not. And we all know the frustration and panic of not being able to sleep and knowing that sleep is the one thing that helps....

At this very moment in time you are safe. What do you need? What have you done in the past to get through challenging times? Ask for help and advice through these forums - as I said, you are not alone.

Well I went and ordered the Vogel menopause support supplements so I await their results. I decided plan B can be the Serelys as they were twice the price. Hope it helps the mojo nicely.

Eating stirfry beansprouts and diced cabbage in the evenings seems to give me energy but it wears off by a couple of hours lol. And then I ended up the last two evenings having up to an hour doze whilst watching tv.

My décolletage goes bright red at random times - is this a hot flush?

Going to make an appointment with a doctor to see what they suggest

X

2nd of two days of annual leave - needed to get away from work before I punched someone! Have done absolutely NOTHING around the house - the sole reason for me taking the time off (aside from the need to avoid physical violence in the workplace). How can you be overwhelmed about cleaning - I almost feel phobic about it, when I think about doing it it actually makes me really anxious. There's no hope really is there!

Still I did all the laundry today including the pet laundry so I'll have no getting things in and out of the washing machine or ironing so I'm firmly telling myself that I will come downstairs and immediately start work, NO sitting on the sofa, no breakfast, just get on with it. Pray for me that this works .

Also over-eating like someone demented. No idea what's going on but the stress levels never seem to abate, they just get worse. I was watching a programme earlier and someone was talking about their dad and it made me think of the day I was told my dad had died and I was choking back tears, oh dearie me; fine 2 minutes later. You couldn't make it up .

Hot bath then into bed and watch telly for the rest of the night, get myself away from the kitchen before I eat the entire contents!

DoinIt - you did all the laundry. That's enough, Pat yourself on the back for getting through it today. You are allowed to take it easy on days off.

As to scary housework, I find setting a kitchen timer for 5 mins and just whizzing round a room doing the big tidy (shoes, bags, coats, newspapers, maky coffee cups etc) is a good start. Then reset it for 10-15 mins to hoover, dust, mop, polish, whatever else needs doing. When that time is up, have a cup of tea and then do the same on another room, even if room 1 isn't finished. It really is the most efficient way of tidying wihtout exhaisting yourself.

If you're too knackered to do the bathroom, polish taps and mirrors and change bathmat and towels. Scrubbing shower screens and baths can wait a day or two.

I shall come at it with renewed positivity tomorrow, thanks Mina.

I’ve actually had a good couple of days at work for a change. Two small pieces of interesting and challenging work which I’ve had to wrestle with but which have reminded me what is I love about my profession.

It doesn’t happen often enough unfortunately.

I read in a newspaper supplement that Neroli oil when inhaled has been proven by a scientific study to be as effective as Xanax so I've been dabbing it on my wrists. It does seem to have a calming effect.

I've also been using CBD oil and I'm finding that good.

So glad to have found this thread. Thank God I'm not the only one feeling this way. 4 stone overweight, over 50, overheated, over anxious, over the hill...

On tablets for menopause which have helped. But I am so knackered all the time that I just work, eat and sleep. (Eat more and sleep less).

My get up and go has got up and gone and I need the bloody energy to haul myself together and change! I've got in a vicious circle of the more I eat the fatter and tireder I get and the less I have the energy to do anything about it. Place marking!

Same here BlessYour, seemingly totally unable to get out of this incredible rut which just seems to be getting more and more entrenched.

Still, in 3 weeks my dear brother and his missus are coming to see me and I will HAVE to clean the house - maybe this is the incentive that I need - the possible scorn of folk whose opinions matter to me?!!?

I have been following this thread for a while and feel less alone after reading it, thank you. I too have bookended some leave to try and clean my hovel, I have amazing plans the night before then I waste the day away with indecision and procrastination (and spending endless hours on my iPad) I work myself into a tangled chain, I can't do x until I do/buy Y and I can't do /buy Y until I have done z and so on ...... In a moment I am putting my iPad in the drawer until this evening and I am going to spend the day just doing things, any things, it doesn't even matter if they are not on my endless lists (another time waster)
I was seriously shamed yesterday when my 90 year old neighbour knocked on the door and asked if I wanted her to cut my side of the hedge as she thought things might be getting on top of me, a 90 year old, FFS I need to start getting my life together, I am 50 and can't even keep on top of a bit of gardening.