I think I have made a huge humiliating mistake!

[oasislove]

So, where to start?!

I have been with my partner for 10 years and we have 2 children. For a number of years now our relationship has been as good as over. No intimacy, affection, sex etc. We just annoy each other so stay out each other's way most of the time. We have a nice home etc and if I ended it I wouldn't have anything and would lose the kids half the time.

So anyway, recently I have had a crush on my daughters swimming instructor. He is good looking, amazing with the children etc and doesn't wear a wedding ring when in the pool (not that this means anything). I know nothing about him except his first name.

Today was his last day teaching my daughter as he is leaving ( don't know the reason why). Which is a shame as I will miss seeing him (staring at him) every Saturday - I know, I know, that is pathetic! Anyway my daughter got him a card to say thank you. And in a moment of madness I put a piece of paper in the card which said this:

"I know this is probably completely inappropriate and please just throw this away if so but as life is too short.... (my name and telephone number inserted here)"

Shit, what have I done?! Even though he won't be there next week I might be the laughing stock if he has told anyone! Shit shit shit.., not expecting a reply... but what was I thinking?! Sad and lonely at the moment I guess. And I suspect my partner has been having some kind of emotional or physical affair! I just want more and I thought he was that more. Do I just avoid taking my daughter to her lessons ever again?!

I feel sorry for the instructor, and for your dh, whose wife is only with him in order to keep a big house. If you want out, have the courage to end your marriage, don't humiliate your husband by chasing other men so obviously. He deserves to find someone who loves him properly, as do you.

but leave your current relationship first!! then find happiness. Good luck x

And thank you to everyone who has replied, I have read and re-read all the posts and they help me immensely.

OP, there is such a social stigma about unfaithful women, you really don't want to go there. What if your children find out?

Be honest and strike out on your own. It is the only example you can give them.

Rainy why do you feel sorry for the instructor? Was that note really so bad?

A married dad coming on to his child's female swimming instructor wouldn't be given such an easy ride on here, not even if he'd been unhappy for years but was desperate to hang on to his lifestyle.

Well I'd hate it if a customer, who I knew to be married with kids, came on to me.

Well I'd hate it if a customer, who I knew to be married with kids, came on to me.

It's one thing to come on to a crush when you're still married.

It's another thing to do it when it's someone in your child's life.

It's another thing again to involve and use your child unknowingly in delivering the come-on message from her still-married-to-dad mother to someone else she knows and trusts as a mentor. What a betrayal.

Are people really suggesting that if it works out you can tell the grandchildren the lovely story of how you got together? Your poor daughter.

Totally agree rainy. If this was a man the comments would be very very different.

“He wasn't wearing a wedding ring but would instructors remove one while teaching?”

I feel like you are not really absorbing what people are telling you (not the “have fun” nonsense), and that you are still hoping he will call. .

But Rainy I don't think a discreet note on the last time I will ever see him as 'coming on to him'. It's not like I will harass him, he can ignore it and never see me again if he likes.

You said it yourself, life is too short. Leave your marriage

You actually put the note in with your daughters card. He probably thinks you “encouraged” your Dd to write him the card just so you could proposition him. Yuck.

If he responds positively to that I’d be worrying about his own moral compass. If someone used their child’s card to send that note to me I’d be so put off them.

Op, what do you think he's thinking about you now? The married mother who used her child to deliver a come-on? What do you think is attractive about the fact you're keen to cheat on your dh, the father of the little girl he's teaching to swim?

You came on to say you'd done something humiliating, yet your self-awareness seems to have gone awol since then as you try to minimise and justify it.

Zibbidoo really?! If I was single would you still think that? I'm guessing not.

I remember sitting waiting at the pool whist DDs had their swimming lessons - all of us had a low key crush on the gorgeous instructor and he featured in many a fantasy but at the same time we realised that we were nothing more than a sort of maternal wallpaper to him.

Is this real? Seriously feel like you might be bored and seeing what people will say to this.

really?! If I was single would you still think that? I'm guessing not.

Err yes!! the fact you’re not single makes it ten times worse.

BUT YOU ARE NOT SINGLE!!!!

OP, you're still worrying about whether he's going to reply which is really, really unimportant. What's more telling is that you're planning to stay with the guy you're willing to cheat on because you have a "nice house."
Don't you think your kids deserve to see their parents modelling healthy happy relationships - even if not together?

Oh sorry OP you just want “go 4 it Hun, life’s too short. Go get yours” responses.

You hijacked your DD’s thank you card to come on to a guy?

If your DD ever finds out, even years from now, she will be hurt and humiliated.

Reverse the sexes.

Creepy, huh?

You used your child as a go between to pass on a come on to her swimming instructor who’s never given you any indication that he’s remotely interested.

This is while you’re in a long term relationship, and living with your partner.

But it’s ok because you like your house.

Stay classy, OP.