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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I have made a huge humiliating mistake!

173 replies

oasislove · 14/04/2018 19:51

So, where to start?!

I have been with my partner for 10 years and we have 2 children. For a number of years now our relationship has been as good as over. No intimacy, affection, sex etc. We just annoy each other so stay out each other's way most of the time. We have a nice home etc and if I ended it I wouldn't have anything and would lose the kids half the time.

So anyway, recently I have had a crush on my daughters swimming instructor. He is good looking, amazing with the children etc and doesn't wear a wedding ring when in the pool (not that this means anything). I know nothing about him except his first name.

Today was his last day teaching my daughter as he is leaving ( don't know the reason why). Which is a shame as I will miss seeing him (staring at him) every Saturday - I know, I know, that is pathetic! Anyway my daughter got him a card to say thank you. And in a moment of madness I put a piece of paper in the card which said this:

"I know this is probably completely inappropriate and please just throw this away if so but as life is too short.... (my name and telephone number inserted here)"

Shit, what have I done?! Even though he won't be there next week I might be the laughing stock if he has told anyone! Shit shit shit.., not expecting a reply... but what was I thinking?! Sad and lonely at the moment I guess. And I suspect my partner has been having some kind of emotional or physical affair! I just want more and I thought he was that more. Do I just avoid taking my daughter to her lessons ever again?!

OP posts:
flumpybear · 14/04/2018 20:40

Fuck it, you only live once, if it doesn't work out then fine - but if it does then you did the right thing .... hope he calls you

DistanceCall · 14/04/2018 20:40

Staying in a marriage because you have a nice house is pathetic. It's not as if you would go hungry if you divorced. As for seeing the children half of the time - that's better than them growing seeing their parents play out a charade in front of them. I know this from personal experience.

Do the right thing and get a divorce. You only have one life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 20:42

Crikey unhappy in your 20’s. You have a long life ahead. What to you want to show for it? Memories of s nice house?

ferando81 · 14/04/2018 20:43

You really are unhappy or you wouldn't have acted on this crush.Dont blame yourself we all make mistakes.Chances are you won't be the only mother whose given her number to him

ShinyShooney · 14/04/2018 20:44

Imagine you go out with him, have an affair and leave your husband. Your daughter will forever blame herself for having these lessons.

If you want to cheat on your DP then leave your children out of it.

LadyDeadpool · 14/04/2018 20:48

@ferando81 hope you remember that if your partner ever chooses to cheat on you.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 14/04/2018 20:59

Fuck it, you only live once, if it doesn't work out then fine - but if it does then you did the right thing .... hope he calls you

Yes! So romantic. Great story to tell the grandkids.

OliviaStabler · 14/04/2018 20:59

Why wouldn't you have anything if you walked away from your relationship?

jkl0311 · 14/04/2018 21:02

Can't be bothered to tell you what a silly lady you have been you know that.... I was actually going to say let us know if he gets in contact?! Grin

Original poster
oasislove · 14/04/2018 21:02

We have a nice house with large mortgage and if we sold and split the equity I wouldn't be able to afford more than a flat, same for partner. The kids love this house, as do I.

OP posts:
Original poster
oasislove · 14/04/2018 21:04

I will let you know if I hear from him. But for all I know he is happily married or gay or something!

OP posts:
Jon66 · 14/04/2018 21:05

Good luck and have some fun Smile

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/04/2018 21:07

I'm not sure what you want people to say? Stay in your nice house then and have affairs? Sounds like a fucking disaster to me.
What are you planning to do if he replies?

snewname · 14/04/2018 21:09

No, do the decent thing and sort your marriage out first - then go have some fun.
Having an affair is not on.

Original poster
oasislove · 14/04/2018 21:10

All the replies are putting some perspective into my life and behaviour and helping me figure out what to do... it's just hard to leave what you know and have.

I really don't know what I will do if I hear from him.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 14/04/2018 21:13

Maybe ask your partner if he’s ok with you having the best of both worlds. I’m sure he won’t mind.

Ski40 · 14/04/2018 21:13

Life is too short... to waste it on an unhappy marriage.
I wish you the best. I really understand how you are feeling. 💐

privateporcupine · 14/04/2018 21:13

Good luck and have some fun... Hmm

FFS

stayanotherday · 14/04/2018 21:14

Yes go and have some fun.

MissMary0fSweden · 14/04/2018 21:14

Agree with previous posters, if a male parent did this to a female swimming teacher, there would be few replies that weren't saying how inappropriate, grubby and downright creepy this is.

You need to look at your relationship, you're too young to spend your life feeling like this.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 14/04/2018 21:17

I'm embarrassed just reading the OP. How cringey.

DamsonOnThisDress · 14/04/2018 21:19

Don't worry about the note. In the grand scheme of things that's nothing.

Keep looking at the problems in your life/relationship. Life really is too short to carry on if it's dead in the water. Not fair on you or your OH.

Baubletrouble43 · 14/04/2018 21:19

You're staying in your relationship for the nice house and to have things? Jesus, where's your self respect?

Moominfan · 14/04/2018 21:19

please put your energy into separation. your partner deserves so much more and your actions aren't that of a content person.

Original poster
oasislove · 14/04/2018 21:21

No I'm staying with him for the kids, so they have the nice house, and they have parents that are always there.

OP posts:
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