Help repair my face before I think about dating

[Whydoilooksoold]

Apologies for posting here but tried lifestyle/beauty and got no replies

Basically I am 51 but look older due to years of worry and stress with sick parents, domestic/emotional abuse during 24 year marriage and financial worries.

I have tentatively began to think about dating (sure no one will want me) but first I need to feel better about the way I look. I am considering a course of skin tightening using the Soprano Ice NIR laser but can't see much in the way of reviews. Has anyone tried it and found it successful. I know if only I looked better I would have more confidence.

Didn't want to read and run. You are probably gorgeous please don't think you have to do crap to your face, confidence my darling, confidence xxx

Thank you babycow but I'm really not. I have smokers lines above my lips (never touched a cigarette) a crinkly forehead, lots of lines around my eyes, nose to mouth lines and developing fine vertical lines under eyes too. Funny thing is I used to be attractive and got lots of attention but that hasn't happened since I was 48. My face literally fell to pieces overnight.

My ex used to tell me to look in the mirror and see why no one would want me and to be fair he has a point. I'm so depressed looking like this and know it would boost my confidence no end to just look like other women my age and not as though I've been lying on the runway at Heathrow face up! I eat healthily, I'm a size 8, don't drink yet look so bloody crap.

I'm no expert and have only just started looking after my skin after years of neglect and the signs of age creeping up on me. I've been using glycolic toner for a couple of weeks and the difference in in my skin is amazing. It was £2.50 a bottle from superdrug, and I use it alongside the overnight glycolic peel in the same range. On an evening I combine it with olay regenerist night cream and during the day with the superdrug moisturising serum and balm (alternate days). I've gone from grey, spotty and huge of pore to pretty nice, glowing skin in a very short time and for very little money.

I've also just bought retinol in squalane from beauty bay which I haven't tried yet, but have purchased thanks to the info I've read about it in terms of reducing wrinkles and regenerating skin cells. I've heard some amazing stuff about retinol so it might be worth splashing out a few quid on these treatments to get started and into a routine before going down the more expensive route.

I’m not a big Botox fan. But it might give you an instant boost

Hello, hope the following helps! You need to look at treatments that will encourage your body to produce collagen and elastin.
Microdermabrasion is fantastic and try a course of 6, 7-10 days apart. Another great one is an intensive chemical peel (be prepared for downtime as skin peels/no make up can be worn)
Hylauronic acid to hydrate and plump and then retinol on an evening (start with a low percentage and build up) and every single day, sunny or not, wear spf. At least 25 but ideally 50, especially if you start to use retinol/vit a and do microderm as skin will easily burn/get pigmented.
Once any big treatments have been done it’s all about aftercare-regular facials, eating well, hydration and using products and serums tailored to your skin type (vit c serums and definitely hylauronic acid!)
I hope you enjoy your dating journey but also enjoy pampering yourself 😊

OP, I have no advice but completely understand needing a boost if your confidence is low. The ageing process is harder to deal with when you’re going through tough times in life. Try to forget what your ex said as it’s not true and he sounds awful.

The advice on here sounds helpful and I’m following - @Oily, do you wear normal spf or a moisturiser that has it built in? I’d be worried about outbreaks if I wore suncream every day as it’s so heavy.

I wear sunblock everyday as I use The Ordinary retinol at night - I like Clinique City Bloc SPF 40. It doesn't make my skin break out. The facial one by Ultrasun is good too.

I would also try botox for an instant fix and all the skincare routines described on here too.

For smokers lines there is always fillers too.

I had fillers in my cheeks as I am also size 8 and my cheeks were hollowing (not a great look). Nobody noticed but I can tell the difference as the hollowing is not there anymore.

I bet you look a lot better than you think.

Meanwhile, wear lots of moisturiser, drink lots of water, and take regular exercise; make sure you eat and sleep well, and be kind to yourself. It will make a huge difference to your complexion, and to how you feel about yourself.

Another vote for retinol in squaline...can make the skin a bit itchy but after a short time does improve texture (‘The Ordinary’ make it)
If you want to read up on lots of treatments may I suggest an extremely informative forum ‘essential day spa’

Ignore what your ex said. He said it to hurt you, not because it's true. Let it go.

Then think about skin care regimes if you want to, but none of them will work unless you leave behind what your ex said.

I've never looked after myself to be honest. Lucky to be naturally slim but never really had time to care about my skin. Have 2 DC's with no support whatsoever and no family and two jobs plus lots of animals to care for. I fall into bed exhausted and out again, crawl into shower and throw whatever is handy (currently Aveena) on my face.

My skin is so dry that if I use foundation I can see flakes. I don't wear SPF as it sits like clotted cream on my face and turns it white. Not even sure what retinol is and so confused by the millions of skin care products/procedures that I end up doing nothing and feeling even more miserable and confused.

Growing up in the 70's and 80's no one really worried too much about sunscreen so that hasn't helped as I am dark and tan easily. I no longer sunbathe (haven't for years) and keep my face out of it as much as possible. I'm outdoors for about four hours a day in the elements so that also isn't great.

Have tried Botox around eyes but disappointed with poor results (tried twice) Also tried subtle filler for lip lines but didn't remove them as much as they said it would unless I went for kipper face look. Botox for three areas isn't cheap and it doesn't help the rest of my skin so thought whole face approach better.

Really concerned that I will be accused about lying re my age if I date as I definitely look 55. New lady started at work same age as me. I could see she was visibly stunned when she found out we were the same age. So bloody unfair! Actually forget dating, don't think I can stand the thought of ridicule and rejection.

You need a better spf cream. I use one called anthelios from La Roche Posay (I think! ) which is good. I have also started massing oil into my face before bed to help with dryness and have noticed a difference.

OP you look fine, you’ve just had the confidence kicked out of you by your ex.

It’s scary for anyone to start dating after a long relationship.

Stop worrying about your lines and focus on how to build some confidence in who you are as a person. If your skin is really dry there are lots of good night creams and moisture treatments out there - that’s easy.

Join hobby groups or voluntary work and get into the habit of meeting new people - you will soon find you don’t look horrifying as you think.

And if you’re really worried you could always go for guys 10 years older!

You will probably get loads of advice on the Style and Beauty forum xx

You are all so kind but truly the only thing that will help me feel more confident is improving the way I look. I just need help in choosing the right procedure. I don't want to look taut or fake, just happy to look 50 and less lined.

I guess it's like telling a large lady that being large doesn't matter. If you're really upset my something no amount of meeting more people or joining groups will help.

If I am lucky enough to date I don't want to have to date someone aged 61 just because of the way I look.

Is there anyone who has tried the Soprano ice laser NIR?

Hi OP, as others have said, I'm sure that you are focussing on the negatives, because we all do. We can't help it when we look in the mirror.

I've never been a "spend ages on a skincare routine" person so I stick to a couple of things that work.

Morning - just a simple moisturiser. Mine is £1 from Poundland and my skin likes it. I've used others and they all seem the same to me.

Evening - remove makeup with L'Oreal Age Perfect Micellar Water, follow with The Ordinary granactive retinoid 2% emulsion (this is £8) and end with M&S ultimate sleep cream which I love - it's £22 but a pot lasts me quite a while and people give it to me for birthdays and Christmas.

I'm interested in the Superdrug glycolic toner mentioned by a PP and will try that.

Sleep, water, fresh air, balanced diet - these are all important and act from within. It's too easy to say "avoid stress" - we all wish we could.

A smile is the best brightener for anyone - how are your teeth? Consider having them whitened if appropriate? Just a thought - and good luck! I'm 48 and getting married for the first time in July, after OLD, so it does happen. I had 19 years of being a sole parent plus working full time so didn't have the time or energy for relationships!

Did post on style and beauty forum but no one has replied in two days

How about treating yourself to a facial and a new hair cut op? Pamper yourself a little, then try out new products and check your diet and up the water intake 😄

Congratulations Lobster on your forthcoming marriage!!

I do have very straight white teeth (thank god) it's just spoilt by lip lines etc etc etc! I looked great until 48 as I said and literally woke up one day and thought "HELP!!!!!!!!"

There are colourless, moisturising spf lotions and potions now.

This Bobbi Brown one comes well reviewed but at over £30, it's pricy

13 are reviewed by The Independent although some prices are eye watering

Ambre Solaire from Garnier

Nivea are pretty good and are sometimes on special offer during the summer

No7 Protect & Perfect do a range as well

The problem is a lot of products don't live up to their claims. Trial and error are expensive so try to wander about and have a proper go at any testers.

Is the Soprano laser not hair removal?

The forum I mentioned...
www.essentialdayspa.com/forum/

No it isn't hair removal although there is a Soprano ice hair removal. It's the soprano ice NIR skin tightening, £600.00 for 6 sessions.

Will look at the forum thank you

You are all so kind but truly the only thing that will help me feel more confident is improving the way I look

Only because you’re brainwashed by the beauty industry, we all are to some extent. The message is a woman’s worth is in her appearance.

Real confidence rests on being comfortable with who you are as a person.

Beauty treatments don’t actually work in terms of making you more confident, that’s why people get addicted - they have to keep going back hoping for another boost.