Help repair my face before I think about dating

[Whydoilooksoold]

Apologies for posting here but tried lifestyle/beauty and got no replies

Basically I am 51 but look older due to years of worry and stress with sick parents, domestic/emotional abuse during 24 year marriage and financial worries.

I have tentatively began to think about dating (sure no one will want me) but first I need to feel better about the way I look. I am considering a course of skin tightening using the Soprano Ice NIR laser but can't see much in the way of reviews. Has anyone tried it and found it successful. I know if only I looked better I would have more confidence.

Meant Fecker not Decker

Hydraulic acid peels. The Jan Marini one is good if you have a salon near you that does them.

Boots No7 Protect and Perfect daily moisturiser. Actually does work.

Me again! Sorry I don’t know how to answer a specific poster 😕 but yes to spf in a moisturiser-eve Taylor moisturising solar shield spf25 or daily defence spf50, they also do an ultra rich moisturiser containing retinol.

Please find a fantastic Facialist-someone near you who isn’t just doing treatments for the sake of it, but someone who truly loves skin and who can really help with facial massage and techniques to help you feel great. Lotions and potions are one thing but I’m a massive advocate for wellbeing and relaxation, try regular massages for stress relief and to ease tired muscles.
I second a poster above on expensive not always being the best! I love eve Taylor and the Lidl/Aldi products.

Thank you everyone! It's such a minefield but I will look at some of the suggestions here. I am going for a consultation tomorrow about the soprano laser treatments and a general chat about my skin so I will give you an update then.

I don't know about the Soprano laser treatments but I can tell you for sure that you are still a pretty woman. You say you used to get admiring looks, but not any more. Well you are only 51 so you are still in your prime, and if you were attractive when you were younger then you still are - nobody changes that much until they are around 80. It's all about how you see yourself and banishing horrible memories of those untrue insults you had to endure from your ex.

You just need to get your confidence back and learn to smile again which is also a facelift to the muscles all at the same time.

Some people like Botox - I tried it around your age but it took away the expression from my face and made me less attractive so not for me though it did relax those cross looking 11s for a while.

I also have those smoker's lines which I hate - I haven't found a solution but I tell myself they don't notice as long as I keep smiling and animated (hopefully without appearing demented!)

I had an early short lived marriage to an abusive man who did nothing but insult me and abuse me. It took years to recover my self esteem but in reality I was extremely pretty when young, and I know I am still attractive now at 61 even with all my expression lines. I am sure the same is true for you 10 years younger than me.

Good luck with online dating but please don't rule out men in their 60's - there are lots of lovely older men and just as I hope they wouldn't rule you out because of your age I hope you don't do the same. You will be reducing your chances and might miss meeting someone wonderful.

My H is 63 and is a very handsome man who still plays in a band and is great company. I'm glad he's with me but if he was single and on a dating site it would be very foolish to write him off because of his age! In truth he would probably be snapped up by some gorgeous woman in her 40s.

Simple advice?
Drink lots of water, do lots of walking, take great care of your teeth (electric toothbrush, whitening toothpaste), hot cloth cleaner (like Liz Earle) morning & evening, serum like Boots No. 7 Protect & Perfect, Moisturising Day cream with high SPF like Nivea Q10 Plus anti wrinkle SPF30 / Nivea Q10 Night cream.

If you are fair dye your eyelashes and tend to your eyebrows, ie fill in patches with brow powder and bevelled brush - good eyebrows can take 5 or 10 years off.

Camouflage mouth lines with Clarins Instant smooth. Expensive but worth it.
Stop wearing foundation, it just gathers in lines. Instead dab a bit of Bare Mineral powder only exactly where you need it with a small brush to cover red veins or other problem areas.
Light touch of blusher in pink or coral, depending on your colouring.
Use a diffuser / concealer such as YSL Touche Eclat for dark shadows.
Good luck tomorrow for your consultation.

OP - this is my regime and I have good skin - youthful. Buy these things and just start. You can shop around and find cheaper alternatives with the same ingredients later. Don't feel overwhelmed by the choice of products. We could all do that, but we just have to start somewhere.

Evening

1. Take off makeup/the day's grime with micellar water and a pad. Cleanse whilst massaging in Superdrug's hot cloth cleanser. Wipe off with hot cloth.
2. You need to exfoliate - these Nip+Fab pads 2-3 times per week at night.
3. Apply Trilogy rosehip oil

Morning - quock swipe with micellar water to freshen
Rosehip oil - 1-2 drops on face & neck again
Wait 20 mins
Nip+Fab hyaluronic serum on damp skin - this plumps and hydrates like a miracle
Sunscreen/moisturiser/foundation/concealer

Have a facial if you can afford it and ask for advice.

Product images

my confidence is zero

That’s your problem right there, and no amount of obsessing over your appearance will change this very fundamental fact.

There are many paths to improve your self esteem and it would be sensible to research them alongside creams and skin treatment.

Your ex has done a number on you and there is no substitute for addressing that.

No one ever looks and thinks "I bet she's a nice person”

Yes they do actually. And if you don’t know that you’re dating the wrong people. Dating is not ”all about first impressions” at all. It’s about meeting someone, discovering you have stuff in common and making a connection with them. The ones who go entirely on first impressions are the ones to ditch.

Who’s to say you don’t make a good first impression anyway?

I recommend The Ordinary retinol too and the Vit C which between them seems to have faded a pigment spot a lot. I don't usual moisturisers will solve the problem of wrinkles - you need retinol for that or some cosmetic treatment. People saying a good eyebrow can take 5 or 10 years off you are deluded - sorry to say! Really - 10 years? How?! Good eyebrows are part of the package yes but they don't take that many years off you.

I'd see how you get on with the retinol, vit c and hylauronic acid perhaps first - drink loads of water and maybe put on a couple of pounds through good fats like avocado, I don't know. Find the weight you're happy at but I think it's true you can be too thin and it makes wrinkles more obvious. Perhaps then see about some kind of surface skin treatment at a clinic.

Lizzie1970a I disagree about eyebrows. Lots of older women have very thin faint eyebrows and it ages them hugely. The difference when they are emphasised in a natural way is huge, and immediately does take years off, lifting the face and lighting up the eyes. I am proof! I might try loading a pic before and after but it might be too outing.

Who’s to say you don’t make a good first impression anyway?

The OP, the OP says that. Very patronising to assume she lacks self awareness.

Thank you for all your comments and advice. I am starting today by drinking more water (I hate water)

Is retinol a product in its own right? Ie I go into Boots and ask for retinol?

To be honest I am 8 stone 7 pounds (5' 3" tall) and don't want to be any heavier and even if I did I'm not sure how I'd achieve that as I eat a lot and have never put weight on. If I slow down my eating I lose weight very easily and definitely don't want to be thinner. I was 7 stone 7 pounds until after my son was born in 2003 and probably ended up heavier after my second child in 2005. I have never dieted or needed to.

I am going to forget dating until I feel a bit better confidence wise and sort out my skin regime.

I have good eyebrows and naturally long eyelashes, both dark

Thevillageshop - most people know a thin eyebrow is dated. A "good" eyebrow - whatever that means exactly - can never knock 10 years off you when you've got the wrinkles the OP says she has. Getting rid of the wrinkles might knock ten years off her though.

I have bought:

[https://theordinary.com/product/rdn-retinol-02pct-in-squalane-30ml?redir=1]

[https://theordinary.com/product/rdn-retinol-05pct-in-squalane-30ml?redir=1]

[https://theordinary.com/product/rdn-vitamin-c-suspension-30pct-in-silicone-30ml?redir=1]

The retinol one also goes up to 1% but you need to build up to it.

Boots also does a retinol cream for about £17 called Superfacialist I think. I used that on my neck and chest area as had chest wrinkles from lying on my side to sleep. I think it was pretty amazing to be honest as within a week the lines had improved vastly.

I've seen a definite improvement with the retinol although at 52 I'm actually not heavily lined - the Duchess of Cambridge has deeper forehead lines than I do for example. The Vit C has improved the brightness of my skin and faded the pigment area a lot.

I'm doing face exercises as the marionette area was dropping a bit. I think they're helping - I've devised my own not to introduce new wrinkles from doing the movements.

I think the level of wrinkles you describe though you might need some kind of dermabrasion, laser treatment or similar. I don't know what is out there as not at that level yet. Hoping to stave time off a bit with the retinol.

There's also glycolic acid which you can get on the links I put above:

Here's the Telegraph's write up on it:

[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/beauty/skin/glycolic-acid-what-is-it-and-how-can-it-help-your-dry-skin/] I might get this myself from the Ordinary.

I would strongly recommend the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

To address the consequences of ex’s emotional abuse and to make sure you don’t end up with someone similar.

OP. Don't ever think you are old, ugly and no one wants you. It's just not true and is a sign of perhaps low self esteem or depression. Don't go there.

Just be your.self. perhaps try to lose 10lbs and get.some newer clothes and start taking to people. You will nab a guy.

Fwiw.. I am late.40s and often see women on their late 50s who.look tired and worn out... But they are beautiful.

Mm2one I could easily lose 10lbs but that would take me down to
7 stones 11 pounds. Do you think at 5' 3" that I am a bit heavy at
8 stone 7 pounds. I'm 51 by the way but do think I look as you describe, old and tired.

Will update about my trip to skin clinic later.

Thank you to everyone

Good luck at the skin clinic. I'm also thinking of laser skin tightening but for my neck not my face. I'm more than ten years older than you and lucky with how my face is aging but my neck is a disaster. I always had a bit of a scraggy neck but in the last six months I swear it has aged 10 years so I am left with a face that looks ten years younger than my age and a neck that looks about 15 years older and it looks seriously strange. I've even been asked if I've had a face lift as my face and neck look so badly matched.

It is demoralising and I know some people have worse problems but actually if it's making you, and me, miserable and we can afford something that helps then why not?

I hope you update as I am really interested.

Blimey OP, don't think of losing weight!! You definitely don't need to.

I'm really glad that, despite how this thread started, you've been able to acknowledge so many positive points about your appearance: your slim figure, straight white teeth, good eyebrows and long dark eyelashes, obviously decent mind and good personality as well as all that .... financially ok to a degree. You have such a lot going for you and I do understand that you need to make changes for your own confidence, but you're starting from a stronger position than many!

Ha, I've got the opposite in my 50s , am told I have a great face, really good skin, nice hair etc but am a 16/18 with big boobs. I swear my face is better because I have got a bit more weight than I should have. Whilst your 40's seemed to dismantle your face (and I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as you think) my 40s and early 50s did same for my body and Botox won't fix that! What I will say is a good stylish haircut, bit of color if needed and tasteful but quality make up can cover up a multitude of things but the most important thing I think is a positive vibe, a smile and plenty going on in your head. There are men who at the end of the day do not go 100% purely on looks and the same is true of women, otherwise half the population would never get a look in and there seem to be plenty of average looking couples out there.

Former beauty editor here. I would not bother with the expensive facial treatments as in general they have almost no long-term effect.

What you need is to take care of your skin daily, and from the inside out as well.

1. Get plenty of good lipids/oils in your diet, avocado, flax seed oil, etc, and enough protein that your skin can rebuilt collagen. Lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Stay well-hydrated, it keeps your skin as plump as possible. I cannot emphasise the importance of a good diet enough.

1. Don't be too thin, it makes your skin appear saggier.

1. Use a gentle cleanser that doesn't irritate or over-dry your skin. This can be a cheap drugstore one (avoid sulphate ingredients) as it's on and off quickly. You don't need to invest in this.

1. Forget about toners for older or dry skin.

1. Add a daily AHA/BHA leave-on exfoliant such as one from Paula's Choice. This will help improve the texture and brightness of your skin. Once you build up to a Retinol moisturiser you can probably drop this step or just use it on your decolletage.

1. Add a serum or combination of serums that boost your skin. Look for peptides (they improve the function of following ingredients), hyaluronic acid (improves hydration as it can hold hundreds of times its own weight in water), niacinamide (boosts collagen and improves lipid function) and Vitamin C (brightening, evens out blotches and antioxidant). Squalane is a good carrier oil. Don't bother about anything else. There is always some 'buzz' ingredient out there. These are the ones that work.

1. Invest in a quality, Retinol-based moisturiser. 1 percent Retinol or higher (you may need to work up to this) will make the most marked difference to your skin's appearance. Retinol is a normaliser, so after the initial period of possible flaking or breakout, your skin's function will improve.

1. Use a daily sunblock of at least SPF50 if you're out in the sun four hours a day.

1. Be consistent. Buying an expensive moisturiser and using it twice a week is going to do sweet FA for your skin. You need to look after your skin every single day. You can expect to see solid improvements after about 6 weeks following a consistent routine.

Oh, and 10. Sleep on your back, using a silk pillowcase if you can. Smushing your face into a pillow nightly for eight hours has an effect. This can also help improve your neck and shoulder posture, which is de-aging.