Help repair my face before I think about dating

[Whydoilooksoold]

Apologies for posting here but tried lifestyle/beauty and got no replies

Basically I am 51 but look older due to years of worry and stress with sick parents, domestic/emotional abuse during 24 year marriage and financial worries.

I have tentatively began to think about dating (sure no one will want me) but first I need to feel better about the way I look. I am considering a course of skin tightening using the Soprano Ice NIR laser but can't see much in the way of reviews. Has anyone tried it and found it successful. I know if only I looked better I would have more confidence.

Hi op. There are different types of facials you can have to leave your skin feeling young and fresh again. Maybe pop into a salon near you and enquire?
Try to look after yourself. You have been through a lot.
Invest in self care first and the confidence and attention will start happening again 😘.

I know what you're saying Tatiana but surely we are all guilty of wanting to look the best that we can. It's a chicken and egg situation whereby looking better makes us feel better, that's why we buy new clothes and get our hair done.

No matter what we tell ourselves we are judged on the way we look. I know beauty treatments don't create confidence per se, but you cannot deny that looking more attractive makes us feel better within. Surely if it didn't no one would wear make-up, dress up or diet etc.

We all know that with dating it's all about first impressions. No one ever looks and thinks "I bet she's a nice person" I've spent my entire life with the wrong man and now want the best chance to meet someone new. My age is already against me and my confidence is zero. I know looking better will give me the lift (no pun intended) I need

I love Aldi serums and moisturisers and they now do a micellar water, but I think it's bigger than how you think you look. We're a similar age, I'm 49 next. It's important to me to look the best I can for me and my own confidence. I get up 2 hours before I'm due to go to work to do my skin, hair and makeup.

When was the last time you spent time on yourself? How long is it since you changed your hair, clothes and make-up? Our skin and hair changes as we age and the makeup we wore when we were younger can actually age us massively. Be careful that you are not stuck in a rut, which is hard when you are going through a tough time. Start thinking about you and start to love yourself before you start dating

I'm sorry I can't help with the specific treatment you are asking about as I have no experience of it. What I would say is if you have dry skin try a tinted moisturiser rather than a foundation. Some contain SPF and even a tanning agent to build a bit of colour.

I know exactly what you mean OP. I'm 46 and have aged drastically in the past two years. I'm not even blessed in the teeth department.
I pass for my age plus a few years now and it is hard to get used to when I was always the fresh faced one being mistaken for decades younger.

I do find that looking after my skin makes a difference. You have had some excellent advice above but when you are single and looking to date it is so hard to put yourself out there when you know that you are past your best in terms of looks. OLD is brutal at the best of times with middle aged men generally looking for much younger women. It can be soul destroying.

Have you thought of trying a site such as muddy matches? It's for outdoors types, farmers and the likes. It's not as busy as the more general sites but you may find that more like minded people will be more likely to see "you". Good luck and if you decide to get the procedure I would be interested to hear about the results.

Smile constantly around the house, and put your face into a gentle smile whilst driving. Wear sunglasses constantly - this relaxes your eye muscles.

You should concentrate on your good points:

Good teeth - they are expensive to fix!
Slim - don't underestimate this when it comes to dating.

Get a good haircut and possibly a colour but the colour needs maintaining so factor this in.
Good moisturiser for lips - Aerin lip rose conditioner is good. Or eight hour lip balm by Arden.

Keep hands and nails in good condition.

You will find that once the worry goes your face will look less stressed.

I also second Aldi serums - they are comparable to the best on the market!

Also leave it a while before dating again. Let the men in their 50s ride it out - very few are successful in trying to get the 'younger' model. They put things into perspective as they hit 60 and are still alone or have had little success.

There are a few men who whilst in their 40s want a woman who is successful and they care little about age.

Remember, at our age we will come with baggage. It's inevitable.

I can't help with regards to whether this treatment will work, but YouTube is great for reviews.

Do you really think the Aldi skin care is as good as some of the very expensive creams on offer? I went to the Givenchy counter as I know their black serum is apparently the very best. I asked for a sample and was met with a withering smirk and told "we don't do samples. We don't need to, we know our products are the best" I thought this was very high handed as the cream in question was over £150 and at that price I want to make sure I'm not allergic.

I don't want to give my DC's a complex about looks. My son tells me they are not wrinkles but beauty lines and my daughter said "Mummy, for god sake you are lucky you do not have things like facial tumours to worry about. Then you would be upset" She is 12 and of course she is so right. She hates make-up and says people should like the "real her" I'm sure she'll change her mind one day but I did feel ashamed for moaning.

Sounds like you need to listen to the ones that know and love you best? I know it's easy to say it, but people really do end up fancying the person not the face and when they do the face is the person. Look someone eye to eye, communicate and it isn't the wrinkles you interact with, it's the person, the character. You need to build up that person, that character, which is actually possible - because you are a lovely person that has been messed up by your ex. - and and not the wrinkles which you actually can't do anything about, despite the claims of the cosmetic industry.

Tbh, hormones are a bitch - I always looked very young for my age but menopause caught up with me overnight and I received fifteen years to the back of the head instantly. If you're ageing naturally then nothing much will make a difference (have you inquired about HRT?).

But, if it helps, I am hideously ugly, trust me, the sort of face that men used to laugh at, and I am never short of offers because I hit them with my personality before they ever get chance to recoil.

A man who loves you will love you wrinkles and all. You just need to find the right guy.

The Aldi serum range is excellent. It is incredibly good value so if it doesn't work on your skin then it isn't a huge expensive waste. I too have sensitive skin and it doesn't leave me with the small flakes that may arise due to sensitivity. I'm currently using the Soy restorative and it does sooth sensitivity, especially during this cold weather.

Your children sound like mine! They think I'm lovely as I am. Unfortunately, I can't date them

I agree that you need to build up your confidence level before embarking on the OLD scene. I swear there are men out there who can sniff out a vulnerable woman. You don't want to end up with another abusive man.

I think it was Helen Mirren who said "wrinkles are just the stories we have to tell". I am collecting a lot of stories these days

And my favourite Roald Dahl quote:

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

Sorry no one replied on Style and Beauty. I hang out there a lot but I didn't see your thread.

Definitely try as many of the products and treatments recommended above as take your fancy. Looking after your body is really important. Just don't neglect your emotional wellbeing. Sounds like your ex did a number on you. Nurture yourself

Firstly, I would try The Ordinary rather than any other skincare - they are significantly high potency than pretty much any other creams, and definitely than anything else in the price range. Email them and tell them your specific concerns, and they will recommend a regime for you. That will be far more effective than any generic creams recommended on here. Most important is achieving proper hydration, probably through hyalauronic acid.

Secondly, dermarolling has a noticeable impact - either a course in a salon or you can buy one and do it home if brave.

Next, where are you in the country? HIFU facials by reputation have a significant impact - a friend has been transformed by it. I can recommend a salon depending on where you are.

In the morning use a cream cleanser such as Simple & alcohol free toner (Simple again) with cotton wool pads.

Wash your face with a face scrub (try Clinique 7 day scrub which is really gentle) after cleansing up to 3 days a week.

Then apply a serum followed by a face cream for dry skin containing spf.

I recommend boots no7 beautiful skin B.B. cream normal/dry skin instead of foundation.

Lanolips is amazing for dry lips as it contains lanolin.

At night cleanse & tone then use eye cream & a rich night cream.

In a week you should have much less dry skin.

I know what you mean about suddenly waking up and your face has fallen - I’m 44 but feel I’ve aged about 10 years in as many months!

I started using a few bits from The Ordinary after reading all the threads on here about it. Not seeing any difference yet but just paying a bit of attention to my skin will probably help in the long run.

One thing that could help you is to put on a little weight - I know you said you’re naturally slim and active so that might not be easy, but as we age most of us look younger with a little padding under the skin. And men like women in all shapes and sizes - but at an 8 you have a little wiggle room, even for men who like slimmer women.

Your comparison to telling a larger woman that she looks fine, even if she doesn’t feel it, is spot on. But imagine that woman has been told by her ex that nobody will want her because she’s fat. That’s why she feels shit. The larger woman whose DP tells her she’s beautiful and he loves her curves and big boobs will be much happier in herself. The way others see us matters of course. But you can’t trust the opinion of your nasty ex. Please believe that.

However, regardless of how you change the outside, you will need to work on the inside before you start dating too. You must believe that you are the prize, that any guy is lucky to have you, or you will end up being played - especially if you’re dating online - it’s a bloody minefield, even for people with self-esteem!

By all means take care of your appearance, but also spend some time really looking at yourself as a person, what you have to offer, what YOU want from him and how you see your future. Once you’re more secure in yourself you will be able to find an equal and fulfilling relationship, not settle for the first man who proves your ex wrong!

Ps. Your DCs sound awesome!

Was also going to suggest The Ordinary www.telegraph.co.uk/beauty/skin/the-4-serum-that-is-challenging-the-price-of-premium-skincare/

I know it's obvious, but I'd suggest not doing anything that drastic unless you will be able to keep it up in future. So that you don't charm someone with your youthful looks, then a few weeks down the line they are wondering why you look ten years older :)

Worked in cosmetics for a whole and I can honestly say Givenchy isn't any better than Nivea blue pot. I've tried all the expensive brands, Decleor etc and stuff from Sainsburys is better.

How's your diet?

Love yourself, smile, be happy, be interested in life and other people, be confident... When I have attracted other people I have had all these things (am not young or conventionally attractive) I'm just me !

Good skin care via the ordinary. Good nutrition via the nutri bullet smoothies. And the most amazing has to be botox.......first go and its fantastic. Didn't have a lot and had lots of injections so the overall look is natural but less tired. Fillers also but just a tiny bit.
Look at your good bits and focus on those.
Make up. Doesn't have to be lots either but a bit works wonders. Sheer and glowy with a bit of eyeliner and lots of mascara.
Sleep......lots of it.

Oh and defo HRT. Gives you energy and thick hair.

Hi op, sorry to hear your confidence is low. I am the same age as you and have cheated the year s really effectively with Carolyn’s Facial Fitness, it’s like yoga for your face, really great for the smokers lines, infact for all of it except the neck. But who knows what my neck would look like without it

I went on HRT for a while and I don't recommend it. You will ride the crest of the wave that is the menopause and come out of it a wonderful woman.

Your adrenal glands do take over post menopause. Plus extra fat on the thighs is a good thing too. Extra fat is laid down pre menopause to compensate for loss of ovarian function - like a savings bank.

Just so long as it is weight distributed. Face, abdomen, thighs. No way am I going to be the sylph like figure I was in my 20s.

Decker I did try Botox but was disappointed with results. Had it around my eyes but I didn't really do anything (apart from a huge black eye first tine I had it that lasted 2 weeks) Also had filler for lip lines but still had lines after filler though not as bad. Where did you have filler?

Ohyesiam I have often wondered about facial yoga but heard that all the strange faces you have to pull can actually make things worse

Halfwit I do eat fairly healthily, but do eat lots of dairy and rarely drink water (bad I know) We rarely eat ready meals and I do make most meals from scratch.

How do you know when you need HRT? I'm still having periods. Does it help your skin?

Myrelationship Thank you, my kids are awesome. That's another thing, I want them to be proud of how I look, not embarrassed