Help repair my face before I think about dating

[Whydoilooksoold]

Apologies for posting here but tried lifestyle/beauty and got no replies

Basically I am 51 but look older due to years of worry and stress with sick parents, domestic/emotional abuse during 24 year marriage and financial worries.

I have tentatively began to think about dating (sure no one will want me) but first I need to feel better about the way I look. I am considering a course of skin tightening using the Soprano Ice NIR laser but can't see much in the way of reviews. Has anyone tried it and found it successful. I know if only I looked better I would have more confidence.

I went to the Givenchy counter as I know their black serum is apparently the very best. I asked for a sample and was met with a withering smirk and told "we don't do samples. We don't need to, we know our products are the best" I thought this was very high handed as the cream in question was over £150 and at that price I want to make sure I'm not allergic.

Missed this before. This is exactly the kind of shit I hate. There is nothing special at all about the Givenchy serum. It's just marketing based around a "buzz" ingredient. It's ludicrously over-priced for a very pedestrian serum.

Always buy skincare from companies that do skincare as their core product, not as an accessory line to a fashion label. The salesperson's demeanor says it all. Genuine product companies are more than happy to let you engage with the product before you buy, rather than insisting you fork out $$$ without even trying it first.

"Always buy skincare from companies that do skincare as their core product"

This ^

I had a green skin peel in my 30s - literally dropped 10years off me. It took off lines on my forehead which 10 years later have not returned. If a medical peel is too drastic - try micro dermabrasion which can soften lines instantly without needing time off work etc.

Also, peels also result in skin tightening in my experience - I’m a huge fan but I’m guessing it depends on your skin type.

I know it’s not what you’re asking, but have you thought about investing in some counselling?
All the skincare and procedures in the world aren’t going to get rid of the nasty shit your ex said to you that’s still spinning round your head

@ShamelesslyPlacemarking
Great advice!!!
Will try and follow. Even though I’m not the op!

@ittakes2
Did you just have one peel or a series

Really appreciate all your comments!

So I went yesterday for a consultation about the Soprano Ice NIR Skin Tightening and after explaining to the skin consultant what I wanted to achieve she told me that she doesn't think the treatment will meet my expectations.

The Soprano blurb says "Fine lines vanish and deeply embedded lines are strikingly reduced leaving you with younger looking smoother skin" This is exactly what I am looking for but I am not sure the consultant believes the blurb as she went on to say that changes are only subtle. So, confused to say the least! Plus, sitting there looking at the laser machine I suddenly didn't fancy having a machine to sort out my face.

She discussed other options such as derma roller and peels and basically starting with a really good medical grade skin care regime. She recommended a range of products called "Zo Skin Health" by the same people who make Obagi. Reading up on it last night I think I am going to go with that as lots of reviews highly recommending it.

I need to decide between peels or derma roller, anyone tried either?

I think there is definitely part of me that see my lines as being much worse than they are. I do use a 5 x magnifying mirror so I guess that doesn't help matters. I think having bits of my face improved is great but I need to tackle my entire face and improve the quality of my skin, starting with more fruit and veg (already eat a ton of veg though) lots of water and good skin regime.

I liked the consultant but she didn't seem to know how much most of the treatments were as had misplaced her prices (and she was the owner) but I did like her honesty. She told me to go away and consider whether I would stick to the skin regime as did not want to sell me products that are expensive only for me to not follow it properly. I have been guilty of this tbh.

Sorry for the long post and any typos

Whydoilooksoold thanks for update. You sound like you are feeling more positive. I'm thinking of making an appointment to see if they can do anything about my neck, I've been in scarves and polo necks all winter and dreading the great "reveal."

@feedyourhead what brand are the glycolic products, I fancy trying those

A male perspective if I may.

Spend as much time on what is happening inside your head as putting various bits of gunk on your face. You got told some terrible things which, judging by what you have written, are very unlikely to be true.

If I may speak for every single man in the world, what we really like is confidence. If skin products help deliver that then crack on but don't spend £150 on a pot of cream.

Good luck. You sound fun.

I think there is definitely part of me that see my lines as being much worse than they are. I do use a 5 x magnifying mirror so I guess that doesn't help matter

Are you seriously looking at your lines in a magnifying glass? What do they look like in a normal mirror?

There’s been some good advice for basic skincare and keeping your skin hydrated. I use Caudalie, Dr Hauschka and Neal’s Yard, Decleor Angelique oil and avocado oil. By all means try derma rollers and peels.

But the bottom line is - no matter what skincare products claim you cannot get rid of lines once they’ve formed - it’s big fat lie.

People can freeze existing lines with Botox or puff out the lines with fillers but it doesn’t actually rid them and they end up looking very odd. (And despite what manufacturers say there is some scientific evidence from Canada and Italy that the botulinum toxin does migrate beyond the injection site).

The only way to actually get rid of lines is surgery - face lift etc. And I’m not recommending that.

But you could spend an awful lot of money chasing self confidence in a cream and never finding it. Please consider spending some of your beauty budget on therapy and other forms of self support.

Brilliant advice from BlokeHereInPeace. Made my day that, thank you.

Also from ShamelesslyPlacemarking re sleeping on back. I try to, but most of the time end up on my side and wake up with a scrunched up cheek and especially my mouth all puckered up.

Feedyourhead, could you post links to the Superdrug products? You've inspired me.

Sleep training on your back is easy, and it leads to better sleep as well! Rather than mourn there is no one there in your bed, enjoy the freedom of the space you now have to sleep freely.

I would disagree with Bloke in that there are some men, not all men, who target women with self esteem issues. These men do not like confident women.

Tbh, if you are considering spending £600 on a little known treatment, I woyld spend it on the much better proven Botox and fillers ... makes a huge instant difference

I would go for...

1. Great haircut and colour. Visit salon monthly to maintain it.

1. Good quality foundation (Dior, Clinique etc.)

1. Eyebrow trim & shape if needed, then eyebrow pencil daily.

1. Small amount of blusher & lipstick if they suit you.

1. A few good quality outfits including nice underwear and new shoes/boots & bag.

I would avoid Botox, lip plumping etc. Too invasive and sometimes produce an unwanted result.

Good luck

Hey OP. I saw your post and I think it's great you are looking into self-care and possibly dating again after years of stress.

I wanted to share with you that someone I know was in a similar boat at one point - she had many years of extreme stress and tbh it did affect how she looked. One reason was simply the toll of all that stress and the low energy she had, sleepless nights and so on.

However, once the stress had passed and she started to find time for herself again and to relax, her looks utterly changed again without going for lots of treatments and so on. I really think this was a result of not being so worried and anxious all the time. It took 10 years off her!

So, my advice would be to explore skincare and beauty treatments if you'd like to - but do it for you, not some possible future relationship, and spend as much time as you can doing nice things and activities for yourself. Get the rest, give yourself lots of 'me' time and I believe you will feel so much happier and as a result, it will show in your physical appearance.

I don't know about getting rid of lines, but looks and how you come across are so much more than just that 'surface' stuff. It's about how you are feeling generally which just comes out in your overall 'energy' as it were.

That's why I think advice to concentrate on rediscovering who you are, what you enjoy and your confidence is a really important step, alongside beauty treatments if you desire.

I think BonsaiBear is right. Various expensive creams/treatments will not make enough of a difference, like the consultant said. I'm 45 next week, and I'm slim too, but I have deep worry lines between my brows, and when I haven't slept well, they are deeper!

One thing you could try, is the olive oil cleansing method. It has made a lot of difference to me, and I have not used any products for 7 years now. I have adult acne, and it's massively improved. Also my skin was dry, but oily, and it's normal now.

Also I get my eyebrows tinted and waxed every 6 weeks, it really makes a difference as they are very sparse and light. I am also thinking of getting LVL, it's like a lash lift. But it's pricey, £40, and it lasts only 6 weeks.

Also, summer is on its way. Get yourself outside, a light tan makes you look so much healthier.

If you have a pool/gym with a sauna, go for it. Saunas are very detoxifying, and it improves my skin, I go 2-3 times a week after my swim.

I do think that beauty comes from within - from what you eat and from what you tell yourself. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal! Also I think that dating could very well boost your confidence.

Hi OP, you've had some great advice on here but I also second the comments about Botox. I know you have had some around your eyes and were not happy with the result, but it has remarkable effects on forehead lines and can really transform your appearance.

Rather than go to a beauty salon to get it done I'd recommend you go to a medical practitioner. My sister has hers done by a female GP who also has a separate aesthetic practice which she runs in the evenings and weekends; people travel from all over the UK to be treated by her. Certainly my sister is so much happier in herself since having her forehead (and area around the eyes) treated and goes once a year. PM if you would like the GP's details though obviously I don't know where you are located.

I know not everyone approves of Botox but it's a matter of personal choice and if it boosts your confidence, then all to the good.

Blokehereinpeace What do you mean when you say "you got told some terrible things" etc etc

I did get told to try to lose 10 pounds which surprised me as I'm a size 8 and a loss of 10 pounds would take me to 7 st 11 pounds.

I inferred he was referring to your ex:

“My ex used to tell me to look in the mirror and see why no one would want me”

OP have you considered a thread lift? It's expensive but I would recommend it in a second.

My skin aged very young due to drug abuse in my 20s and the thread lift reversed years and years of damage.

Hi everyone

Messofajess what is a thread lift please?

Peachheachpearplumb I honestly don't think the laser thing would work on your neck as the consultant said that the effects are very subtle. Not that your neck is terrible but I just got the feeling that the laser had been hyped a bit and she knew I was after real results.

Titianakarina Yes, I do use a 5 x magnifying mirror. They obviously don't look as bad in a normal mirror but I can see them.

I know that there are bits of me that look good and can readily admit that.

I have very thick naturally curly hair that needs little care and looks nice easily. I have nicely defined brows and long eyelashes, white straight teeth, I'm slim (size 8) 5' 3" and I have a decent (ish) figure and can still wear a bikini and have a good bum (if only my bum were on my face)

BUT!!!! It's these bloody lines.....oh god what shall I do? Derma Roller or Peels?

Someone mentioned the freedom programme but I'm not sure the violence affected me enough to need it. I know that probably sounds so weird but when I listen to other women who have suffered DV I don't feel like them. Plus I've never come across anyone who had similar DV experience so feel there is no definite slot to put it in.

I think the emotional abuse is far harder to take but because I am such a tough tenacious person I just deal with stuff and right now I have lines to deal with.

As a black woman who is obsessed with skincare I'll say the cheapest option is cocoa butter every day, morning and night. I like to mix my cocoa butter with baby oil to make the skin glow a bit before I put my makeup on. One thing I will say though is never ever ever get out of the bath/shower without rehydrating the skin afterwards with some e45 (good cream) or cocoa butter (even better).