Anyone else sometimes find being single utterly soul destroying.

[Quiddichcup]

Ive been single for nearly a decade. Add on a couple of half and half years before that too and it's nearly 13 years.

Most of the time I'm fine but I find it more and more upsetting that when I do try to put myself out there it's so awful that i can only see running back to the safety of my own isolation as the only option.

In the last two days ive been hit on by a married man in real life. Another in real life who I thought we had a date next week, mess me about so much that i cancelled and told him never to contact me again. And someone from online dating ask me out and then confess he wasn't at all over his ex wife, so I declined the date as it would be a total waste of my time.

In some way it feels self inflicted, If I had lower standards I could have gone out with any of these men, but I deserve and want more.

But wanting more has lead me to bring single for so long.

I know it's not the end of the world but any kind of relationship feels so out of reach.

I'm on the mobile app, there's no person?! Do I need to go on the desktop?!

I go through phases of loving being single, but I've become complacent! I've been single for 11 years, I do have a fwb but I think that may be hindering my lazy attempts at finding mr right (he isn't on tinder lol)
I love being able to do as I please and sleep like a starfish, but I also want to get married and find someone to grow old with! Meh!

@Khaleesi0 - I’m on my phone too - but not the app just via safari I think. I have a top bar which says mumsnet and then to the right there is a little hook (the search I think), then a little person, then 3 horizontal lines. If you don’t have that you should maybe try on desktop? (Sorry - I’m not very technically minded)

khalees, yes you can only pm from desktop - as far as I know!

Ah - I don't mean desktop - I mean website as opposed to app! Sorry

@Quiddichcup I was on another chat site (related to my profession) and was talking about OLD as I was lonely. Someone suggested "gym or clubs or singles holidays" I could have screamed. I do all that!! I just need something more!

I’ve been reading this whole thread. I don’t really feel I can comment as I’ve only been single for about 20 months after STBX walked out.

I completely understand the loneliness in everyday life. This is not about needing a man for diy or doing the shop or car maintenance, but about having someone in your corner, someone to share your life and thoughts with. I feel I have so much to give emotionally but there just isn’t someone.

I don’t have much hope in OLD and I’m not quite there yet to try.

I also had my fair share of ‘advice’ from married people: the hobbies, the cat (I had a miscarriage three weeks after he had gone as we were ttc, and people thought a cat would a nice substitute for a baby). I had people tell me that a family are not all that anyway, that kids are just hassle and husbands tend to be lazy sods. I got all this from a work colleague who was pregnant with her second! I asked her whether she’d give her baby up for adoption then and leave her husband which shut her up.

Sorry, I’m waffling now. Just wanted to delurk to say hello and I can understand (despite not being single for long).

I think humans are meant to live in couples and groups. Yes some love to live alone, but it is perfectly natural to prefer being paired up.

I've only been single for a couple of years after a divorce and more than a decade with that person and already I know exactly what you mean. At first I felt positive about the future, but now I just feel lonely and I hate it. The weekends are the worst and what a previous poster said about going from Friday to Monday without talking to anyone really resonates with me. I used to think I liked my own company but I can now see there's a limit to how much time you can spend alone.

I've got a 'good' job, a nice place to live, friends and family I see regularly and hobbies but it's just not the same. I miss going out as a couple, I miss the feeling of having someone who has your back (even though it turns out my xh didn't), I miss having someone to talk to about my day, I miss having someone to go on holiday with (there is of course nothing - other than money - stopping me going away on my own but I don't enjoy it). Like lots of other posters, I'm also constantly worried about money. I've not been brave enough to venture into OLD. The more I read about people's experiences the more terrifying it sounds. I can't imagine ever meeting anyone that I liked enough who'd want to be with me, but I do know I don't want to be on my own. I have a wide social circle but I don't meet single men IRL ever.

The whole thing is made a more bitter pill by the fact that my ex seems (from afar at least) to be thriving in life. It really doesn't seem fair but then life isn't fair, I know. I feel very sorry for myself and I feel very sorry for anyone in this position. I don't know the answers but am sending solidarity.

Another one over here putting my hand up to being lonely AF.
Single 3 years after a controlling and abusive relationship thankfully came to an end when EXDP decided the 21 year old at work was a much better option. (She Was 😊😊)
Dating with children in your late 30s seems impossible. OLD doesn't go anywhere. In fact I've deactivated and given up.
I Can barely get a date let alone a second.
I'm attractive and look good for my age. Often mistaken for being much younger but I haven't met anyone new outside of work in years.
My friends are amazing but have there own lives and families and I often feel like a burden on them if I'm honest. And I'm always the gooseberry in the corner at events and occasions (at least I still get asked to go on then even if it is as a single person lol)

I just yearn to be part of something again. Long weekends away, meals out, holidays and just a hug after a tough day.
I think time is a factor. As in the week I have none and only get EOW to myself. How can you meet up with someone just for 2 days out of 14?! I've met people but it's just fizzled out. Mainly due to my reluctance to invite them over mid week to mine (DD 18 and 5 And really not happy introducing them into a number of "Mummy's friends") or having no childcare in place to pop out for drinks or visit theirs.

The only attention i get is snakes via FB messenger who think because I'm single at this age that id happily have an affair with them even though they are narcissistic alcoholic serial cheaters and they're only there for the kids 🤣🤣

FML.... And pass me a gin 😂😂😂

Hi all... after posting earlier in the thread and re-reading, I'm really hoping it's a phase, a symptom of a wider malaise in the world and not that any of us are unloveable either by accident or design.

Opportunities for work, steady income are few and far between. This coupled with additional societal pressures means some folk just aren't prepared to risk it.
They believe they have enough on their plate already. I know I do..