Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Just caught up on some great and funny posts
I really identify with the kids / no kids as I dated a guy for 10m couple of years younger than me. His ex-wife had a baby last Aug and I should have recognised the signs that he was thinking longer term I guess. He seemed disinterested in meeting my two (6 & 8). He had all the time in the world to (over) analyse. I was going to him practically every weekend even though I have my own house. I was offended he didn't want to meet them. It fizzled out.

Maybe seeing MrBald on Sat for a 'date' Nothing intense at all, say 3 texts a day and long interludes which I like. He has 2 kids similar ages.

I don't think I could live with another man. I do get lonely in the house on my own when the kids aren't here, but I am completely independent which I am most grateful for...

I have a new iron! Wow it's the first person i've come across on tinder that i've actually had a good convo with right off the bat. He is funny, clever, he is a reader / writer, seems genuinely nice, best of all he didn't run a mile when I told him about my gender critical feminist leanings, in fact he is completely on board and seems interested in the subject! Too good to be true, too good to be true...

I tried OKCupid, spent ages answering a billion questions and being selective. Four matches, one seemed great when chatting. Switch to WA and he's a smoker...don't know how that that slipped past. Now hidden my profile as annoyed with that site.

Bumble seems better, but very little written down so seems like guess work. Nevertheless, I am talking with six men, three are articulate and seem keen on more than a quickie. May get a date this weekend.

Carroty I hope he's true and good for you!

I have three irons and a few interesting conversations. But, there is a loads of stuff going on with my teenage children and a their relationship with their Dad right now. It all kicked off yesterday.

I'm thinking of giving it all up to focus on them right now as they need me. They want me to date as they want me to find someone, but I don't know if I have the emotional capacity. Aargh!!

tom my advice would be don't actively search during this time and take a a natural breather. See who contacts you during your hiatus. That'll show you who is thinking of you and might re focus.

Ive loads going on I've drastically reduced my app time and hidden my card of tinder until i have more energy and time to focus.

Hope things settle down.

Mr french and I are on for Saturday it seems.

My irons are not the iron I want.

MrUni who is in the midst of separating and midlife crisis is understandably flakey but having promised he won't disappear on me as he did before, has done just that.

I need a grip and a no text allowed rule but its so tempting to try and tempt him into communication.

I had a decent date last night, actually suprised me. I went along with no pre conceived ideas, we had done a bit of back & forward texting and I wasn't sure how keen he was but decided to go anyway - we've been talking for ages but miss the opportunity to meet.... it was a great date. Laughed, talked about all sorts of stuff. Had a little smooch, so that was nice. Lots of chemistry and we are meeting again..... at last! A normal date that went well.

Don't lose hope! There are still normal ones left.

Can I join in? I have just had a breakup after 4/5 months but want to get a feel for dating again, and maybe do it differently this time. There were so many red flags in him that I didn't heed and now I have to heal my heart again.

I'm not jumping straight in just yet. Really I would just like to meet people and get out and about again, perhaps be the one being wined and dined this time rather than paying for everything!

pudding that's a great idea. I don't have to delete myself, just take a big step back. Mr Writer and I are whatsapping. I might tell him I need a bit of space. The ex-h has behaved like a twunt and I'm picking up the pieces with the kids. They'll be ok, they just need me there as their constant, because their Dad isn't. He's a twunt more focused on his 'new family'.

I think I'm with esk, you're a great mentor!

I am seeing MrG tonight. I can't manage more than one man at a time so in the few weeks we have been seeing each other, I have come off OLD (not permanently but paused the profiles as have no space with work, kids etc. to keep messaging anyone else!).

I am nervous about tonight and it's unlike me. He makes me happy, he's told me I make him happy and I am trying to hold back the expectations that are desperately trying to creep up. We've had a smooch but nothing more and tonight will probably be the night it goes further EEEK.

Good luck pudding and daffo this all sounds very exciting. Keep us posted!

I have a date tonight, with MrBlue, he's a little intense and very forward. I can't always read him so im a bit nervous.

But intrigued so my own worst enemy when it comes to OLD I think. I'm at the stage where I'm working myself out having been with someone from a teenager so I guess trying things out.

And one planned Sunday with MrLoco.

Back to work Monday so all play will no doubt stop as RL kicks in.

So then........ interesting second date ideas -: daytime

Anyone got any good ideas?

I’m all about the National Trust; nothing like a good walk through a formal garden, pretending you’re the lady of the manor and the gardeners about to show you what his done with the delphiniums....
Plus their cafes generally have excellent cake.

Or a museum? Paintballing? Protest march against Trump?

I was going to suggest National Trust too VixenSixen always a good day out and the cake is normally lovely.

Ive got a second date on Saturday night with the guy I met last Sunday for coffee. We are going for drinks and dinner. Not sure if I gave him a name or not.

mroil still messaging me, he is back next weekend so lets see what happens.

That sounds like fun Smeaton NOT

And I'm in no way doubting how it went but it makes me wonder how SHE thought it went?

Would anyone like (honest) feedback after a 1st date that went nowhere?
What we think is gentle 'getting to know you questions' could very well feel like a Spanish Inquisition to be on the receiving end of.

Especially if you're having lots of 1st dates that go nowhere, would you want to know honestly why?

Jax my experience of Muddy Matches was positive. Lots of genuine guys on there even if they were all a bit ruddy cheeked and into walks in the countryside. I met someone nice that I ended up dating for a bit. Really nice guy just not for me.

I dipped into the other thread when I was getting jerked around on Tinder and then had a first date with a Mr French. However....I have now been seeing my Mr French for a month now (also Tinder) and am officially moving onto the smitten bench . Am scared of getting hurt but I'm falling in love and he seems equally keen. So maybe Tinder can work? Good luck everyone.

silver busy busy ;) I am the same, I was in one relationships 17-38, didn't end well (emotional abuse). The scars are deep but I am enjoying rediscovering myself, setting boundaries and having fun. Enjoy your dates.

Daffodeffo he makes you happy, take one date at a time.

Tom I hope things settle down. I find myself explaining to people all the time i am busy (I have a lot going on also with my ex and house sale/ house renovation, work etc) and if they like you enough they will respect that and hang around. Anyone else isn't worthy of your time! I am flattered you say I am a mentor, really I am not........much more experienced folks on here ;)

So date confirmed with Mr French tomorrow, if it goes well I have the options to stay with him or go stay with a friend who will house me even if its 2am :) We are meeting in Lisbon but weather looks shit so not sure what we will do, eat and drink probably!

Isnt the point of a first date to ask questions about each other and get to know things... or maybe I am guilty of the same thing.

This dating isnt easy.

smeaton don't remove your balls :) I think feedback is a good thing, if done well. Tell her you didn't like the interrogation and it felt one sided, maybe she was just really nervous. I talk for england when the nerves kick in and I worry sometimes I sound a bit self centred......when in reality its just nerves making me ramble.

spring I would want to know I think. And I have told dates I haven't felt chemistry with why in a nice way. That said all the guys I have met have been nice, just not right for me so far.

jax good luck with the date.

Mr A sent me a long email today apolgising for the kind of argument we had yesterday. I can't work him out at all, perhaps I muddied the waters in the first instance as I was so attracted to him. Funny how you go off people though isn't it? (disclaimer: I still would, he interests me).

Sorry Smeat Sounds totally shit