Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I have a flaky date at the moment....

Had a great time on Sunday and defo felt that things might have been moving towards something, obvious chemistry and some great conversation.

He has now done the classic retreat and now game playing a little bit with me.

Luckily for me I have been binge watching Matthew Hussey and remembering the WMLB mantra, which is keeping me sane but Jesus, why the headfuckery......

If you like me you like me, if you don't just say - I'm a grown up, I can take it and would prefer you to vacate the space in my head to make way for better things.

I'm finding online dating is a nightmare..... the reality is that in the early stages of dating the person you are seeing is probably dating other people. I think this might be the case here.

He is now on ice, haven't got the time to mess about here. And definately not into game playing. This is disappointing as he is 4 yrs older than me and I thought he had his shit together.

Ladies, set your standards high, reflect what you expect. Don't let him mess you around, if it stops being fun or you feel unsettled and uneasy - HE IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.

You are the prize x

Love well done for not giving in and going round.

Lost and tech soul destroying is exactly what it is. I'm in exactly that position having seen him and now left in the "on the hook" phase that follows whenever we get together. I need to be proactive, not reactive, and block his ass. I sway from thinking it's just a bit of fun/ what's the harm when i'm not seeing anyone else anyway - to feeling quite sad as I know I really want someone who makes an effort and actually wants to see me other than just for sex. And firing off a few texts here and there doesn't count as effort. How are you feeling for the clean break lost? Did it just finally hit you that this is all it will ever be with him?

Vixen what is the WMLB mantra? Need to buy this book!

Completely agree with those above with WhatsApp last seen checking - it can become an obsessive compulsion almost.

Smeaton sound advice as always.

Hey coataricachica the WMLB mantra for me is 'You are the prize'. ..... I actually gleaned a lot from this book. I had been going so wrong in the past (Still learning) but the book has definately given me a proverbial shake by the shoulders and upped my game now. Plus, confidence and knowing what you want is sexy and appealing too, if you don't feel it- fake it til you make it!

This article is great- go and buy the book, you can read it pretty quickly and you'll be dipping back into it now and then.
:-) x

www.thedatingtruth.com/2013/09/why-men-love-bitches-and-they-do/

So I've not heard from Mr Academic since last night. I am worried I've been ghosted again. I climd message to say thanks for last night, but I don't want to appear needy. If I said something like:
Thanks for last night. The prosecco is on me next time.

Is that too forward?

smeaton he did come to mine on Tuesday, I’m not sure what he would be like if I suggested doing something that I like, I haven’t tried it yet, maybe I just need to be a bit more firm? I have kind of let him take the lead a little and he’s probably taken advantage of that.

Checking in from India.

Whatsapp is the devil: turn off ALL notifications, turn off READ receipts and thank me for it later ;) Turn it all off! Only check your phone when you have time to do so and stop looking at it.

R/e Mathew Hussey, I like him but Amy Young is much better at the "giving no fucks" shit. Once you get passed the "whats up buttercups" girl makes a lot of sense!

I am absolutely battered in terms of tiredness, I have had minimal sleep in the last few days, but i am feeling good. My work is going better than expected, I got upgraded to business class, been propositioned by a tuk tuk driver and have quite an attractive indian guy helping me today and tomorrow. I have hardly messaged Mr French (havent had much time and there is a 5 1/2 hour time difference).

I have though been in touch quite a lot with the first iron I ever met from tinder (who when I met him shocked me with how camp he was and I didn't feel any chemistry??). He is such a lovely lovely guy, and I might have been a bit harsh on him because I was uber cautious back then. I am a bit more relaxed since I met him now I have been on more dates (and had more sex). I will see how it goes with Mr French, but I might suggest meeting him again. if nothing else we (I think) have a good basis for a nice friendship. He is so humble, I really like how he messages etc. I just didn't click with him physically.

Anyway, gotta run, more curry to eat!

I echo what Vixen Sixen says: we are the prize, let go of any man that makes you feel less so. There are men out there that will make you feel like you want to feel (I live in hope!).

Costa it’s just switched in me I think. I have been warned by friends and in here god knows how many times... but I went back to him thinking he may be different this time as he was doing the chasing. I’m glad we went away last week as like I said to him... we are going out on a high!
I haven’t messaged him and I won’t. Once I have made my mind up and feel like I am humiliating myself... that’s it: I do NOT need to accept that kind of half hearted crap from anyone, that’s why I have got divorced ffs!

Lost you sound like you've really made your mind up, great news even if it's not the outcome hoped for. If you don't mind me asking, what was the deal breaker for you? The lack of relationship progression? I can tell by his response that he wasn't giving the commitment needed.

Newyear
I think the deal breaker for me was the fact that being in such a lovely place, We sat there on what couldn’t be more romantic and perfect weekend and he STILL wasn’t able to move any further forward after 7 months... the comment about ‘not being able to introduce anyone to his family or friends and match my expectations’
I just thought.... I’m nothing to be ashamed of or kept secret... I am worth so much more than that!
Go Headfuck someone else .....

Lost that makes sense. I think I'd be really frustrated by his reaction too, as I'd have hoped for more explanation or understanding but he kind of rolled over and made it your problem. So frustrating.

pudding I watched about 4 Amy Young clips on the tube home from work. She's brilliant!

lost you really deserve so much better. I am so pleased you made the decision to not contact him.

I messaged Mr Academic to mention something we talked about last night and to say thanks for last night's date. He did reply and said thanks. Neither of us mentioned meeting again although we did talk about it last night. He's quite flakey with his messaging, so I'm not going to say anything now. I am not playing games, but if he wants to see me again he will ask me. Thanks to Amy Young for the inspiration on that one!

lost hearing what you're saying is like reading my own thoughts: "I went back to him thinking he may be different this time as he was doing the chasing." Exactly this! But nothing has changed despite me giving it several chances, all on his terms, mind you. I too feel like his mistress and know I deserve so so much better. This was why I left my husband too ffs!

I've decided that's it now so do I just block and delete or message saying something and then do it? I have a feeling any words would just be wasted so probably better to just cut him off dead now.

Why do we always go for the headfucks? The ones we can't have? This year I have come across about 4 men who have made it very clear they want a relationship with me. Do I want them? No, of course not. Give me a challenge!!

Argh. Give me 'you go gurl' vibes please. Gone to gig on own that I was supposed to go to with droopy boy. I thought I was brave, but now I'm on my own in a small venue 🙄

Hope the gig is good Sky! Kudos for going alone, enjoy it smile and live in the moment...that is a much better way to spend your evening than on sofa like me so make the most of it x

I too have just watched a few Amy Young videos. Yes girl. She is the absolute bomb. Signed up to the mailing list too now...... this should be like mandatory homework before embarking into the mysterious world of OLD.

SKY - good work on going out alone, you never know you might bump into someone and hit it off. You've got to be in it to win it x

Cost just leave it, any message just gives him the opportunity to answer and manipulate you back again......
Its really hard to not reply but very empowering....

Ladies......On the subject of feel good/inspirational speakers etc Trent Shelton is very good, he is a bit 'all american' at times but speaks a lot of sense about self esteem and relationships. You Tube him

Potential new iron this evening. His first few messages were ok but now it's me asking all the questions and getting just one or two words in reply. The only questions he's asked so far: Are you romantic? And can we swap phone numbers?
He asked for the phone number early on so I stupidly agree (on Match so easier to use WA instead).
Then the conversation went downhill so I just stopped sending messages. Was that rude? Should I leave it to him to come back with a question/comment for me?

runs I'd say if it is becoming hard work walk away. If he wants to chat he will. Why ask to swap numbers if he doesn't want to talk? Unless he's busy ~chatting to others~ doing something else. I don't waste my time if it's hard work.

Thanks everyone!

Ach I messed up! I forgot the rules, didn't listen and got over invested. So took myself out of the situation before I really got hurt.

Feeling a bit tender and still need to return his stuff so will need to see him again but meanwhile I'm right back on POF and Tinder, distracting myself!

runs I think give it up for a bad job that one. If it's like pulling teeth, it's no fun!

I survived my solo trip to the gig. Awesome night even though I was sober and alone. Got my photo taken with my music idol too 😘 Did me good, not focusing on men tbh. I need more of this!

Thanks everyone. I just felt rude abandoning the chat without saying goodbye or anything. I'll see if he comes back and take it from there.

Sky sounds like you had a great night. Sometimes doing something just for yourself is what you need.

Runs I think it’s best to walk away from that one, I think this often happens when you move over to WhatsApp, they are really easy to talk too or it soon fizzles out.