Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Nothing to add really - except big hugs to everyone who has had a flake or headfuck.

Remember to read the rules on page 1 of this thread.
Go watch Matthew Hussey on youtube - he also has fb/twitter etc.

Ive got little butterflies about meeting MrFrench but going to busy myself today before I meet him.

Love did you send him a message?
Matthew Hussey is giving me more confidence to message first, but to say something that doesn't seem over keen. Like asking a question about something that could come up next.

Maybe he thought you were busy with DCs and would be tired. I would message today and say something like "thanks for coming around, hope you felt relaxed" or similar and then he may tell you how he feels?

Thanks everyone. Not sure why this one is affecting me so badly. But onwards I will go.

Off topic but related. Any tips for dealing with the lonelyness of being single. I wonder if that's what's getting to me at the moment?

thenew take up hobbies, read, keep busy - get things in your life that are just for you. I think that way you are not concentrating solely on dating.

I have great friends and family. And of course this thread to keep me on track.

What do you do that is just for you?

Thanks Jax

That's what I struggle with as I work full time with sole custody of DD in the week but have a 2 hour commute. DD is 14 so doesnot need childcare but I can't leave her on her own in the evening as it's too much alone time in my opinion. So I've had to stop all my usual me stuff.

Family / friends are all good but not present in a day to day fashion so I've been substituting my phone for company.

Think I need to do some rethinking about how to set up my life!!!

choc I haven’t messaged him as I don’t want to wake him up if he’s sleeping after a night shift, I will message him when I get back from work at 2pm if I haven’t heard from him.

thenew it is hard when you have you your child/children all the time, my dd’s Go to their dads every Sunday for most of the day but other than that they are with me all the time, I don’t like leaving them as I leave them 2 nights a week to go to work (they are 12 and 14). Finding time to date isn’t easy.

Tech yes join up.....its lots of fun lol
Tom Choc Daff etc etc ...I did it
So...I confronted Mr Headfuck straight on, I said that its been 7 months, I feel like our relationship is very 'affair like' and never know how he is feeling. I had a lovely weekend with him and perhaps that was the right place to stop this..on a high!
He replied with :
"If that's what you think is the right thing to do, but I will definitely miss you and I really like having you in my life, I am just quite shut off emotionally in general and its very hard to be deeply intimate with someone, you are great and I am sorry I cannot match your expectations, I just don't have the free time you do and I'm not in a place in my life where I can introduce a new partner to my friends and family"

Not much I can say to that ...........

lost Good for you for confronting him at least. I recall from our earlier posts on the thread that you and I seem to be very similar in the situations we were in and how we deal with them in particular.

I probably wouldn't respond to that message as it's pretty conclusive.

Now the question is: are you going to shut the door on him for good ie block and delete or leave the door open just in case in the future...blah blah blah. X

newphase is your commute driving? I signed up for online study, which involves a huge amount of reading, which certainly helps fill my time and takes my mind off being alone (I didn't say lonely ) and should yield some benefits when it's done.

I am at that point with MrG where he is being wonderful but we need to move things forward but with both of us being resident parents and having little time when the dcs go anywhere else, this is proving difficult. We are meeting this week to discuss what to do next. Tbh he seems a decent, lovely bloke (so far) and I would have got to this point with anyone - it's just complicated by both of us being the resident parent.

thenew I had to totally rebuild my life post divorce. I also had residence of the dcs (who were youngish at the time). I had to force myself to go out and do things but years down the line, I am so so glad I did. I now have a new group of friends. But it takes so much time and it can be really hard work! But it is worth it in the end. If you have something like nextdoor in your area or walking groups or if you like singing join a choir etc. That's the sort of thing I did. But I can guarantee it will feel like extremely hard work to start with and not worth it but you need to persevere!

Lost you could be describing my 9 month relationship there, except I met some of his family. I think it's a huge cop out, on his part, but well done for confronting him. I ended up feeling so low at the end of 9 months with Mr Tall. We had a terrible weekend away, with intimacy being a big issue, and he basically ignored me for 3 weeks afterwards. I asked him what was going on and was told he had so much love for his children he couldn't let anyone else in. He also told me I was great and he wasn't good enough for me, and he'd never find anyone like me. It was really hard, but as I said before, I focused on his narcissistic behaviours and that helped me get over him. It will be hard, it's ok to cry, but you deserve so much better.

thenew you say you have lots of friends, so why not chat to them on WhatsApp if it's tricky getting out? I have various chats going on with different friends - TV, diets, general chat, the lot. And I do see them when I can. I think joining a choir is a great idea. Or try a meet up group? I was thinking of joining a local one to go for walks. I'm quite happy in my own company, but I know what you mean about substituting your phone for company. Sometimes it's nice to get a message and know someone is thinking about you.

Got a message from Mr Tinder, was meant to be seeing him tomorrow but he has cancelled (apparently he forgot that he had arranged to go somewhere), I have played it cool and have said ‘that’s ok, I have other things I can do tomorrow’ even though I am pissed off. I will enjoy having a day on my own.

lost this part "sorry I cannot match your expectations", really annoys me. I had that from a passive aggressive man before. It suggests that you are at fault for setting the bar too high. It's rubbish as everyone wants respect, honesty, affection and interest in a relationship. You were not being unreasonable wanting a regular relationship.

I'd shut that door and lock it!

Mr Cute is away at the moment, but messages are positive so I'm going with it. I already know I have the potential to really like him, but Matthew Hussey videos are keeping me cool.

Matthew Hussey is also really easy on the eye!

Love I think your response was good. He can now work to arrange another date.

He responded with a sad face. I haven’t bothered messaging back. He did ask me when I was free again, he knows I’m free Sunday as we discussed it yesterday, he also knows that I’m really busy next week so won’t be able to see him. I will leave it up to him to suggest something for Sunday. I am free Friday but not going to tell him that as I want some time on my own.

tom We had a great weekend away, were very intimate and he was more attentive and affectionate than he has ever been! But I could tel as soon as we got home it was........bye then, see you next time, whenever 'He' wanted it ...

choc and Costa
I've had enough of it all, its done my head in for bloody months and I've had chance of some dates but knocked everyone back because I was so drawn in by him.. .
I have said that I don't want to hear from him again and I am annoyed with myself for letting him back into my life, I wont be doing it again.
Delete!!!

Ahhhhh (sorry need to shout), have suddenly realised why I like being single. No offence to the men on here but do they actually listen to what you say? Mr Tinder now being ‘Mr pain in the ass’, I’m stepping away from my phone and the internet before I have a meltdown.

I don’t know, I’m tired and grumpy today which isn’t helping my judgement (doesn’t take much to upset me today). So he messages to say he’s cancelling tomorrow’s plans, I told him he doesn’t have to do that because of me, he then says he’s cancelling because he’s working all night and won’t feel like going tomorrow anyway, he then mentioned working away all weekend, well yesterday he asked to see me at the weekend . Just feels like he wants me to sit around waiting for him on the off chance he gets out of bed early or on the off chance he’s not working. I don’t do sitting around waiting, on my days off I like to go out and do things so if he’s busy that’s fine but would be nice for him to actually tell me what’s he’s up too.so now I don’t know what he plans on doing tomorrow, I will make my own plans.

I’m just not used to having to arrange my life around someone else, been single for so long and I love being able to do what I like without having to hang around waiting for someone else

I now have a missed call from him on mesaanager but can’t be bothered to call him back.

This dating is hard work, thought it was meant to be fun.

love that's pants, do you think he's genuine about the timetable clash? If he is, I'd give him a chance to make it up to you? It happens (I've got to cancel a date tomorrow because I forgot I had a hair appointment - no deeper meaning other than I'm shite at writing stuff on the calendar!)

sky, I don’t know him that well yet but I’m guessing (from what I have seen so far) that he’s not a very organised person, he’s not the type to write things down but apparently sets reminders on his phone which is how he found out he was meant to be somewhere tomorrow. He’s been single a long time so probably not used to trying to organise things around someone else. His Job is a tough one as his boss literally phones him each day telling him what he has to do that evening, his job involves travelling so he doesn’t know where he’s going until a few hours before. He does seem genuine but I’m not letting my guard down .

love I'm going to be harsh here and say just don't sit around and let him call the shots. I've been there and it's draining. I realise it must be hard for him working nights, but if he really wants to see you he would be making an effort. I'd use the WMLB approach and just be really unavailable for a while.

Date 2 with Mr Academic tonight and I'm quite excited. Just a drink in the local pub. He's a bit quiet so hopefully beer will help!

Also, I still have Mr Writer and Mr Punk messaging me. I friend zoned both of them but agreed to keep in touch. Mr Writer is keen to meet. As friends. And Mr Punk told me he is smitten with me and has a crush on me! He sent me a long email about a recent dating experience and saying how drawn he is to me. I replied telling him I'm flattered he likes me but he knows nothing about me, my family or my job. He's never asked me what I do! We've never spoken on the phone (he wants to) or met. I feel awful blocking him but he's immensely needy and might have to. He's only been single a few months so clearly desperate to find someone. Sighs....

toms Mr punk sounds exhausting! I think a written warning, then dismissal blocking is in order. He's not in for friends is he?

Thoughts on a 55 mile distance? I'm saying too far, when I have the kids 100% of the time? He says it's 'just up the road'. I think realistically it's a no isn't it? I'm not relocating for a bloke, and I don't expect them to do that for me

Tom I think that is what I shall do. I’m not going to make myself available tomorrow, I’m going out on my own, no way I’m sitting here waiting to see if he decides he has time to see me. His job was always going to be a problem, it was the only slightly red flag when we started talking. I really don’t mind if he’s too busy as long as he lets me know, he’s the one that wanted to see me more (I’m happy with once a week). Anyway, not going to let it get to me too much, not worth it.