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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

999 replies

VetOnCall · 02/04/2018 22:56

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Catmatrat · 23/04/2018 08:35

Oh dear, scarf!!

MinnieMul · 23/04/2018 08:38

love glad Mr. Tinder didn't cancel on you yesterday. Hopefully you can cover the mark on your neck with makeup.

Lovemusic33 · 23/04/2018 08:45

I am trying make up and if all fails I will wear a scarf. I have love bites, always makes me feel like they are marking their territory Angry

Catmatrat · 23/04/2018 08:48

I’d be really annoyed about that. Make sure you tell him you aren’t happy about it and not to do it again.

RunsforCake14 · 23/04/2018 08:50

I just want to say how much I value this thread. After posting yesterday about Mr Flakey, some of the replies made me think a little more about his actions.

So I went digging. It took a while but I found him on Facebook. And at the same time he matched with me on Tinder he had publicly announced on FB that he was in a relationship with someone.

I messaged him to tell him what I thought of him and that I thought his girlfriend should know. He begged and begged me not to say anything. The reason I originally gave him a week to decide what he wanted was because he's going on holiday. He said by himself but obviously he's with her.

I didn't hold back with what I thought about him. He said there was an explanation but I didn't hang around to find out. Blocked and deleted.
Thank you thread for making me question his actions

Skyrabbit · 23/04/2018 08:56

Runs that's unbelievably shit of him. Your radar was right, I guess. At least you hadn't wasted time meeting him. What possesses blokes? By the sounds of it, his relationship is relatively new, and yet he's on tinder?!! Ffs.

Would anyone mind having a quick gander at my profile? Since I reached 46 (😱) I'm just not getting many views, I'm guessing because I'm over 45 now, but it may be my profile?

RunsforCake14 · 23/04/2018 09:03

Sky I believed he was a nice guy. He told me a lot of personal stuff and it was true, judging by his facebook posts. He just omitted the fact he was in a relationship! No idea why he did he it.

I'm happy to look at your profile if you PM me the link

Skyrabbit · 23/04/2018 09:10

runs it just seems like such a lot of effort to go to, and cruel to boot.

How do I send a link to you??

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2018 09:10

sorry to hear that Runs, but well done for looking into it! x

sky also happy to look if you need another opinion (we are a similar age!)

RunsforCake14 · 23/04/2018 09:17

Sky if you're on pof then just msg me your username

Skyrabbit · 23/04/2018 09:28

Thanks runs and daffo have pm'd you 😄

RunsforCake14 · 23/04/2018 10:41

sky I've sent you my feedback. Hope it helps

Mumfun · 23/04/2018 11:16

Unbelievable Runs. I am so sorry. Angry

RunsforCake14 · 23/04/2018 11:33

Thanks Mumfun. I'm actually quite relieved that I found out the truth. And thanks to this thread I didn't hang around waiting for him to try and explain his actions.

I told him what I'd found out. He apologised and said he would explain when he could. Previously I would've give him a chance to explain. But I just blocked him.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/04/2018 12:09

I use 2 surnames one for work and one for at home. If I used Facebook I could use either. Mine are married and maiden names but can imagine other people in my professions doing the same and if they are men I guess they just pick a raindom
One?

TomHardysBitontheside · 23/04/2018 13:34

runs that is just rubbish. I'm so pleased you've found out now though. Makes you wonder if anyone is trustworthy though.

pudding21 · 23/04/2018 13:40

Runs well done on doing some digging, your spidey sense were right. I think the thread is good for reminding us, just because we are in the dating game we shouldn't just settle for anyone, any hint of something it should be "investigated" and decide if its right to continue or not. We are valued people, so therefore should not be satisfied with scraps. I want that nice battered bit of cod :)

What a shit, and well done for calling him out on it, hopefully (it won't) make him think twice in the future.

love I haven't had a love bite since I was about 15. Good luck!

Going to see mr French in a bit, I am super bloated today though and I don't bloat. Bloody typical!

Lostlily · 23/04/2018 14:29

Runs!nice to see you back.... not so nice to hear about your experience.

I am so confused and feeling a bit poorly, in the middle of a month of night shifts too 😕
I just want Mr Headfuck so much to be honest and let me in....

Mr Smiley was such a lovely man and we had a nice time together but he did hurt me with the things he said.... about me bing ‘too posh’ and
‘Pretentious’ at times and that I was so hard that I was impenetrable!!!
I did really like him and he was so nice to me but he has a LOT of baggage and if I can’t be myself????
Mr Headfuck on the other hand is the one who iS impenetrable!!

Maybe I should fuck then both off and start again lol

Lovemusic33 · 23/04/2018 14:30

Runs what a c*nt, I have come across a few like him, makes me lose faith in OLD.

I managed to cover the love bite with make up and no one in the meeting noticed (I don’t think), I messaged him to say I wasn’t happy, he said he didn’t remember doing it Hmm.

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2018 15:16

lost I hate to say it but they both sound like total head fucks :(. If you don't feel accepted, DON'T go there, whatever you do. I did 9 months with someone who didn't really accept me for who I was and it's torture. You can't change, you spend your life feeling like you are on eggshells. It really is just a sign you are not that compatible. Read this article (written for men but the principle is the same) about the 3As in a relationship - acceptance, appreciation and acknowledgement

goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-3as-in-relationship-success-acceptance-appreciation-acknowledgement-slake/

you are so attracted to the sort of men I used to be - the more exciting, head fuckery, but brilliant sex, partly unavailable type man :(. It's a type I'm afraid and it's worth thinking why you are attracted to them and them you! xx

Lostlily · 23/04/2018 16:50

Daffo
Food for thought!

I am just not enjoying this whole dating thing at the moment. It should be fun and exciting after such a long unhappy marriage but it’s actually starting to make me feel insecure about myself and I’ve never been criticised in such a way before!
I messaged Mr Smiley earlier saying his overwhelming messages yesterday and now his ambivalent ones today are just mind games and I haven’t go space in my head for it all.... he hasn’t answered since so maybe now he will leave it.
That’s one gone 🤔

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2018 17:11

awful that he is making you feel so bad lost. Definitely not worth it. OLD is hard enough without men making you feel even worse! x

TomHardysBitontheside · 23/04/2018 17:27

lost anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or is simply hard work is really not worth it. Dating definitely should be fun. If it isn't then move on. I've learnt so much since I started OLD. I've found this thread to be such a support and helps me get through the bad times.

Maybe take a short break? After a few days/weeks and you've cleared your head go back into it again and see what happens. You deserve someone who doesn't play games and who accepts you for who you are. There is someone out there for you, hidden behind the big carp and toilet selfies!

Skyrabbit · 23/04/2018 17:50

lost Honestly, I think they're both headfucks. MrSmiley is a projecting negger with a chip on his shoulder the size of a Walkers factory. Insults? Fuck that! This should be the time you're getting nothing but compliments! Can you imagine what he'd be like after 5 years?!
I think you're a kind person who can see who these guys COULD be, but quite frankly both of them seem to be craving you chasing after them, despite their behaviour to you.
Girl, you're better than them (snaps fingers and cocks head)

*disclaimer. I may be a tad overwrought and down on men today 😂

IronNeonClasp · 23/04/2018 18:29

Just caught up. Seems some turbulence and absolute twats out there... Can't face any of it at the moment !