Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi Third,

Sorry to hear that the news is not great. Where did you get your results from? If you got them from a clinic they can do contact tracing for you and do all that awkward part for you of you need them to......they should have advised you on some of this when you spoke to them initially. Did they take a full history (partner) from you to start with?

Sorry you are having a shitty time with this though x

P.s. just remember that nothing lasts forever and you won't feel like this forever. At least you have been checked out & doing something about it x

Look after yourself xx

Third Breathe. Remind me whats happened again, I have read a few threads recently about STI's etc and don't want to be presumptious. Why don't you wait to say anything until you see the doctor tomorrow and have a bit more info? I assume your bf knows you were being tested etc?

If it is STI you are talking about, then your bf and ex both have a responsibility for their own sexual health, if they chose to have sex without protection, they cannot blame you (unless you have been cheating).

Hand hold third is wait to speak to bf in person - go see the Dr, they will suggest how to speak to ex and what to say

Will write a proper post on laptop later as I need some advice on where I’m going wrong

Mr old friend has ghosted me - which is shit cos we’re supposed to be going to a reunion of our crowd in September 🤷‍♀️

No real irons - got mr MH nurse who I’ve been chatting to for a few months - think we’ll meet coffee but doubt there’s attraction - do men want to be friends if no spark??

I have been talking the last two nights to a very scrummy bloke 14yrs younger than me wtaf would he see in me? It’s funny because im being more laid back about messaging him than I have been with others and he’s making lots of effort to keep the conversation going - must stop thinking of the wicked things I’d like to do to him 😩

third depending what it is, you might not have given it to whoever you slept with - obviously you may well need to inform them xx

barmcake I had a thing with a guy 14 years younger, he is super hot, funny and smart, but beyond that it wouldn't have developed. That said I have several friends with guys much much younger than them, its becoming more and more a norm. He likes you because you probably are hot, laid back with experience. The younger guys say to me all the girls their age are interested in is snap chat filters and living their life through social media ;) and don't have much to say. We on the other hand have lived and can offer something. plus the whole sexual experience thing.

I saw a profile the other day, said the guy was 24. In his bio aid he was 18, looking for a cougar so he could be a cub. hahaha! I didn't swipe ;)

🙄 bloody hell I am all over the place at the moment!
I need some good dates to reignite me but can’t bring myself to re open my OLD profiles 😕

Told my b/f and he is being tested Thursday. He's scared but still being very supportive to me. Guess if this doesn't break us it will make us stronger!
I need my STBX to give me a lift to the clinic in the morning so will have to tell him tonight.
What a fecking mess.
I feel like I've ruined the rest of my life thro stupidity and ignorance.

Third what were your resaults? Did you test positive for herpes? Or something else? Try not to worry, you may not have passed it on and even if you have it can be treated. It might feel like it at the moment but it won’t ruin your life, just breathe. You will have to tell your ex, he can then get tested and go from there. I was shocked that my tests came back clear as I hadn’t been careful.

And Third is it possible the infection came form your ex in the first place?

third as love says, if it is herpes (and I do recall you were getting tested for that), it's perfectly possible you got it from someone else and it's been lying dormant. My exbf (the one from last year) had herpes. He did tell me about it when we met and I went ahead with the relationship anyway. The treatment these days is fairly advanced. I went to the doctor and she advised that he take a maintenance dose of the antivirals (the newer ones where you take one a day) to stop it becoming active when we were together. He did that and never had an outbreak the entire time we saw each other and I never picked it up (got tested after we broke up).

Herpes is absolutely everywhere and in a lot of cases, people don't even know they have it

whatever it is, massive sympathies from me. It is so bloody awful when you get news like that that you don't want

Apparently as many as one in 7 of us carry herpes or have done at some point.

Love and Daffo - yes Herpes, type 2.
Yes it is possible my STBX gave it to me.
Testing for it when you have no symptoms is not done as standard. However, anyone I've slept with can now be tested for it, a blood test rather than a swab. It is so common and most people don't show symptoms. The theory behind not routinely testing is that most people wouldn't tell any future partners if it came back positive. It seems crazy to me. I am one of the unlucky ones I guess!!

Third just tell your ex, also tell him that it may have come from him in the first place, he should get tested. I think if I tested positive I would not bother telling any of the people I had slept with apart from who I’m with now (I haven’t been in any long term relationships for a while). Try not to worry too much, these things are pretty common and as you say ‘they often go undetected with no symptoms’.

Third - hugs - I've taken a chance a few times and been lucky - don't beat yourself up x

Third I have had routine checks between relationships, but not for that. Just very aware that a fair proportion of us on here could have it or pick it up in the future, including me. Just one bit of bad luck, hope the treatment will help.

My date with Mr Stable was one of the biggest let downs ever must stop imagining too much ahead of meeting!

im just here to rant.

i havent really been bothered with irons/dating for the past few weeks. i deleted tinder, and have only been replying when ive had a proper sit down and thought of what to say. its just not important to me right now.

ive been so ill the past week, plus i have an operation on friday that has already been cancelled once due to snow, i dont want it cancelled again because i have a cold/flu.

i told both my irons this. yet i still end up with 6 whatsapps from an iron i havent even met yet

“hello?”
“ok i get the hint”
“whats up?”
“what did i do wrong”
etc

that was over 2 days. i replied saying sorry but ive been so ill, i havent even replied to my mum because i couldnt find the energy to charge my phone. i understand it can seem rude, but as far as priorities go, someone ive never met isnt really up there.
its not great to be on the other side of that,
i know. but i think taking irons with a pinch of salt until they’re a firm fixture in your life is a good way to be.

i dunno why im so annoyed its like, i have a life, leave me alone. anyway, thats why ive taken a break.

also, when you’ve loved someone for 5 years, its hard to put up with something mediocre. like, hes alright, ill date him. ive just been settling and meeting people who are alright. i guess thats given irons a false sense of hope.

so yeah, im on the bench waving a banner and supporting everyone from
the sidelines.

Most boring date ever goes to MrBuilder! He was so funny on text and we really clicked. However in real life he talked at me for two long hours and did not ask me one question!

Let's hope MrPolice is better tomorrow
X

Newphase at least you won't be left with any doubts... Next... Mr Police!

After my rubbish date earlier Mr Cute has stepped up messaging. Plus I have a Mr Fox as reserve now. Initially slow messaging on Bumble, but we realised we have some things in common and chatting more.

New the same thing happened to me last Friday - very disappointing!

I've somehow ended up with three dates in 4 days!
I think one of them is going to be a bit keen and will want to see me again. I don't think I should tell him I'm meeting other people though. That seems a bit unfair. I'm just treating this as making new friends. I have zero expectations.

In all honesty I don't know if I'm that keen on any of them. Mr French is the most engaging and funny. But he's showing signs of love bombing so I'm taking him with a pinch of salt right now. He's good fun though.

Hope you feel better soon esk. You're right to take a break. And just look after yourself. If none of these dates work out I'm going to walk away for a while.

Just caught up.
Was getting a vibe from Mr Bald who I've been talking to for about a month, nightmare trying to meet up. He sent me this last night:
"Hey sorry I can’t meet up. Someone I dated the other month is back on. Shit move I know . I can only apologise."

Grim. He was my last iron I guess. Might bin OLD for a bit.... Meh.

Sorry you're going through stuff Third

Meh, meh, meh
No other words right now.
Iron I’ve been seeing for a while, all casual like I’ve gone and got feelings for just when he’s gone all flaky.. I don’t need a FWB right now so I’ve ended it and blocked to stop myself from contacting in a moment of weakness.
I’ve read the thread rules.. I did right ?
Just feel a bit down about it.

Tech try to summarise the flaky things he did here. No doubt you were right to end it, but we'll need more to really help.

I'm having a date 2 with Mr Cute soon. He's playing it a bit cool for me, but that is based on what I like. I think I need more texting, meeting and positive messages than most, so my judgment on flakiness may be more easily triggered.

Ironneon what about booking things into free time then revising your profile, update photos?

TomHardy I like your organisation for multiple dates - I hope they are not like buses and you have to decide between them.
Why don't dates line up nicely in timely order?!