Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi I've been watching this thread on and off as sometimes I think I'm going mad with the way grown men behave... been OLD for a while have met various characters some good some not so good. Latest guy we'd met about 10 times got on really well he told me wanted long term and was falling in love with me . He went traveling for work and was in contact but not loads and I put it down to his busy work schedule and time difference. My friend seen him online a lot especially during the night here as it was evening over there. Naturally I was upset but waited until he came back we met and I asked him about it and he said he wanted one last fling before we got serious!!
Back to the drawing board for me

A Iron is a potential date, someone your chatting too.

chocolate . that is utter shit!

potatoes don't message your iron to ask if he is ghosting you, if he isn't and is just busy, he will think its odd and then probably ghost!

chocolate what a tit. At least you know now rather than later.

I am feeling really "meh" today and a little bit vulnerable. I am still feeling shit from the kidney infection and a bit overwhelmed with the next week coming up. I am starting to think about Mr French too much, he is occupying too much head space and have hardly heard form him this weekend. I know he still has his french phone so only looks at whatts app when he has wifi and is an outdoorsy kind of guy, but it doesn't help my overthinking. I keep telling myself all the rules, and I seem to find it difficult to take my own advice.

Last night I deleted tinder, if it doesn't develop with Mr French, i am going to take a big breather and focus on the kids, work, my house and everything else that is wonderful in my life. I don't want to feel stressed with dating at the moment (this might change in a week).

He did tell me when he is not working next week to see if we can arrange something before I go away, but I am not sure I will have time. I might have to call time on this before its even had chance to begin :( (not that I want too, but I would want to see him more and I think i would end up falling for him hard.

Have a good week everyone :0

Awww Pud have a hug, Mumsnetty or otherwise.

I still CBA with dating, plus I’m starting to wonder where I’d fit a boyfriend (don’t care if I am too old for that term) in. In a manner of speech
All my weekends are busy now til late May; I’m really fortunate with the number of good friends I have and God knows I’ve needed them over the years. But I couldn’t and wouldn’t just drop them for a guy. In fairness past partners have fitted in really well; my previous relationships have been with socially confident, laidback people who sort of slot right in and don’t view my mates as competitors for my time (unlike Mr Mr). But none of those started online, and outside of pursuing a FWB sitch (which I know isn’t for me) the guys I’ve met, to a man, have seemed Super Full On when they talked about relationships.
I can’t/won’t cancel my friends to clear time for dates, maybe that’s the issue. But if I say “right, June and July will be The Months Of Dating; I WILL find someone” and go balls out with gigs (sorry Ignoring I didn’t reply to your Q before: the answer is no I’ve been crap ) and become proactive in approaching men online (not comfortable with that) and keep my weekends free, not only do I not have confidence I’ll meet anyone online that gives me the RH (from my extensive research of 6 men 🙄) but also I have no confidence that if I were to meet one that it’d ever get off the ground because of logistics.

Whoops pressed post instead of preview. Wonder how many typos are in there

Anyhow didn’t mean to be the thread downer; just found out a close friend of a close friend has stage 3 mestastasised cancer so am not at my sparkling best. Normal service will be etc. etc.

Ahh big hugs to Cover (so sorry about your friend) and Pud - I'm also feeling a bit fed up with OLD. I even had a few tears at the end of Godfather 3 last night!! Been messaging Mr Waterfall but his messages are monosyllabic - he asked what I did workwise, so I told him and his attention grabbing answer was ..............."OK" - sometimes I despair and think I ought to get a cat or two.

can I ask advice please? been seeing a guy OLD only a month he confesses he likes kinky sex ie anal having his bum played with etc. I've told him I'm not into that at all in fact it turns me of .
He said we can work around it as he wants me to be happy and we are meant to be meeting face to face to discuss it but I don't see the point.
if that's how he gets his rocks of its not going to change.
Do you think I should end it with a text or just block?

we've not dtd yet and now the idea turns me off.

Just found this - maybe a new rule ?

NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY
WHEN ALL YOU ARE TO THEM
IS AN OPTION.
---Maya Angelou

cover sorry to hear about your friend. I have been there, I know how it feels so big unmumsnetty hugs from me too (())

Thanks Val: gotta love a bit of Maya Angelou. If you haven't heard it, look at Still I Rise. Wonderful poem.

I have always loved that quote and it has hit home to a couple of younger colleagues being dicked about. Wish I could take my own advice sometimes, it's usually very good apparently

Thanks Val and Pud; I’m just a support for my friend as she deals with her friend IYSWIM, much as she did when I lost a good friend suddenly a couple of years ago. But I’m just......blue. Much like my language.

I love poetry; I’m reciting April Rise in my head a lot at the moment and enjoying the sun when we get it.

User it’s probably not going to be a good match and whilst I’m always a bit at men wanting to discuss the specifics of sex before clothes have even been shed, in some ways best you know now, eh? It’s clearly a significant enough turn on to mention up front (or rather behind, ho ho) and you’re right; he’s not going to stop wanting it as part of a fulfilling sex life.
If you’ve already met then it’s only polite to text. Just a “I realise it’s not going to work out between us; good luck for the future” message is polite. Then you can block, which obviates the need for a discussion as to why.

so sorry cover - fingers crossed they are able to access treatment and be made comfortable. It does put things into perspective x

I still also have my fingers crossed for third and the test results

user I would go with what cover suggested. As I said before I think, if there's a sexual kink or fetish, I think rather it comes out early than down the line so if it's not your thing, just say thanks but no thanks

I've got months down the line with someone before and then they turned around and said they liked going to sex clubs/swinging meets and 'watching' and would I mind participating so they could watch me having sex with others etc.

tbh I always now ask very early on how naughty someone likes being as I'd rather know if someone's definition of naughty is tame or hanging from the rafters with an orange in their mouth!

User it depends if he’s going to except that he’s not going to be getting thoughs things from you? There are things I like but I can live without ever doing them again if a partner didn’t like them. Mr Tinder likes a few things that I don’t like, I have told them I won’t be doing them, there are probably things I like to do that he doesn’t. I think just be straight and tell him there’s no chance of you ever done no thoughs things so if he can’t do without them it’s best not to carry on.

Thanks for the advice I guess I'm worried that he will not be able to get off on normal sex and may try to push my boundaries? He confessed all on our first date which was a bit of putting and it's a shame as we got on really well apart from that.
Never dated a man into this kind of shit seriously is it a common thing because I find it all weird.

User I have met many that think it’s normal, most are porn watchers (that’s where they get their crazy ideas from). The worst one was the guy who sent me photos of but plugs and asked me which one I prefer . He probably confessed in the hope you would agree to do it, chances are he’s never even tried it and he’s just seen it on a porn film. I find most of the ones that talk about these things are just fantisis, they turn out to be rubbish in bed.

Very true Lovemusic it's just a shame he had to ruin things by talking about this.
Just when you think they are normal.....
Oh well don't have any other irons at the moment which makes it seem worse but when he next texts I'll just politley tell him why it won't work.
Don't want to ghost as had it done to me and it's not a nice way to end things.

user I wouldn't end it for that reason. From what you've said he seems keen to make things work for you. He might be happy to live without it. As others have said, he may never even have tried it. When I was married about 14 years in ex-h asked me if I'd have a threesome with another woman! I said no.

So I've got two dates this week. Mr Punk on Thursday. He's lovely and very sweet. A friend knows him and said he's nice but drinks a lot! Mr French and I swapped numbers yesterday. He WA me at 7.30 this morning to ask me out tomorrow. I can't do that so we're meeting on Saturday. He hasn't stopped messaging all day. I'm sensing a possible lovebomber , but now I know the signs. And maybe I'm just being over cautious.

Hello

I was on MN a while back under a different name. Now divorced and tentatively having a go at OLD (currently on Match)

It's been very informative reading through your posts.

I'm late 40s and have found that most of the men my age, and a few years older, are only interested in younger women. And I'm getting contacted by older men or those that I have nothing in common with. I'm quite active and sporty and I'm not interested in someone whose interest in sport is watching the footy in a pub.

I've only met up with 1 man so far. He was pleasant and harmless but there was no attraction. I've sent messages to quite a lot who I feel I have things in common with and I match their age range they're looking for etc. But no replies. Which I guess means I'm not attractive enough.

My membership runs out in a few days and I'm not renewing - its ridiculously expensive and they don't actually do any 'matching'

Not sure whether to try free sites afterwards or are they full or creepy types?

I think if he's mentioning it on the first date then it must be something he wants user - why else would he mention it so soon.

goat - I am your age and that's exactly my experience. I think if you're in London or a big city guardian soulmates is good for our age group. But most sites the men our age are looking for women much younger (fgs). I think most people try POF at some stage.

Ahem. Can I just say

WHO THE FUCK TALKS ABOUT ANAL SEX ON A FIRST DATE?

I mean, I haven’t been on a first date in a few months. I’ve been busy. But has it changed that much??

No Bant I just obviously had a date with a weirdo.
That's why I came on here to ask for advice because it didn't seem normal to me either.
Thinking of just blocking now TBH.