Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Well I suppose it’s a philosophical question as to whether it’s better for a man to send a photo of his handgun or his genitals. I think for some they’re interchangeable.

That would freak me the hell out, but horses for courses.

I consider myself lucky that women generally want to send pictures of their horse or cakes

Pudding when I first started dating I got talking to a copper, he was was quite high ranking. The things he used to come out with were disgusting, he asked me if I wanted to go dogging with his police friends, he also sent me a video of him shagging a young polish woman , of course I booked him, I checked him out online to see if he was a police officer and he was, his face came up online and his job role.

Ok, I’m meant to be going out with Mr Tinder today but I haven’t heard from him since yesterday and it was just 2 short messages about how his day had been (no mention of today). I’m meant to be leaving to go to his at 10am. I guess I should message him and check it’s still on before leaving?

I've avoided dick pics for about 15 years am
I doing something wrong?

Well I am still seeing MrG. Incredibly and I mean incredibly slow progress because both of us work FT and have the kids FT and it's way too soon to involve the kids so not many opportunities to see each other but when we do it is wonderful. I think I might be smitten

pudding I think people with fetishes get it out early. Either you'll like it or you won't but at least you know now rather than 3 months down the line. I do think there should be a proper dating site for people with fetishes as I have come across so many (men who like seeing their girlfriends with other men, spanking, etc etc). In a way I'm always relieved it comes out sooner because I think you would be mighty pissed off to fall for someone and then find out the only way they really get their rocks off is to piss their own pants

carousel - what was the hand cannon in the end?
pudding - hoping you are on your date and all goes well.
queen - I don't know what I'm doing wrong or right but I have a whole gallery of them and videos. Good for a laugh when out with the girls I suppose!
sky - sounds lovely, hope it continues for you.

I met MrWow last night, went to the cinema. He kept falling asleep, bless. Isn't it strange when something like that could really annoy you but I just felt all mushy. We haven't been able to DTD for over a week now, still waiting for my test results. He's so affectionate still, constantly trying to reassure me that everything will be fine, regardless. Having said all that, MrSolid is back sending me messages. Still potentially future faking me although a lot of the msg are about the reason he backed off. He basically said he's biding his time until I can give myself 100% to him and only him. I really liked him and the sex was great. Don't think I can make any decisions until I get those bl00dy test results and scared.

Hi I'm new on this thread but could do with some advice. I've been on bumble for a couple of months after splitting with my ex of 11 years. I've been talking to a guy 'J' for about a month and had a great first date on Wednesday closely followed by a second the night after, he stayed and I stupidly did the deed! I'd had lots of messages after the first date, great first date, you looked really nice...... etc... but since the second date I've had one text only. I'm guessing this is a classic case of ghosting but I can't believe after all that time messaging and two great dates he's just disappeared!!!!!! X

potatoes I don't know if the men on the thread can shed a bit more light, but a friend of mine always talks about the "man cave". It could be he was only after one thing, but the idea is they give a bit of themselves, then retreat into their own head to think about it for a little while. While we are planning a white wedding and what our babies look like, the men prefer some space to think all the events through.

Of course he could just be a tool, and only wanted one thing. Have you messaged him to say anything??

I have learned with mrsnog (Who I saw on Friday night... and last night) that he does the man cave thing. Its fine with me, now that I have realised it - he is a bit of a head fuck but doesnt mean to be, its just him and actually last night he opened up a LOT and talked loads about everything, exes, his kids and life etc.

He told me that I was far too good for him, which is true, I am (not being big headed, we are just very different in every way) but he is fine for now. We laugh, chat and have sex. I dont want anything else and when I do I will not see him any more like I do now.

What Im saying is that I 'get it' now, and Im ok with it. It depends on what you want potatoes

bant . smeaton any thoughts on my above post?

mroil is home but I havent heard from him since Friday. I wont be contacting him until he does me. Couple of irons but in all honesty I really cant be arsed.

Hey I'm a newbie on the thread but have been reading with interest .

Me im 45 mum of one teen
just started dating again after 5 years of having a FWB but decided i wanted a proper BF. signed up for POF , had a couple dates with two guys but dating just seems sooooooo hard these days maybe im naive maybe its because its my age cause im sure it was never this hard to meet someone when i was in my 30's . Help 😐

Afternoon all.
Been lurking on this thread and I need help!
Made an OLD profile and couple of weeks ago. Had some messages.
The problem is I'm useless at the chat part. Why do I find it so hard to think of what to message back?
Any tips or advice on how to hold an actual conversation? Irl I can talk all day but online it feels completely different.

I think the man cave bit is possibly true. From my experience though, if I’ve been to bed with someone I want to see them and chat to them again (unless she was terrible in bed, which has happened)

It’s when they change their behaviour and get angsty that I get put off.

I’d advise potatoes to send a relatively breezy message mentioning something specific that you’d talked about before. An in joke, a tv show, some weird coincidence that reminds them how interesting you were before they’d slept with you. Do not mention relationships, do not mention the sex. Be the funny interesting person that they wanted to meet in the first place.

Men don’t like change, and don’t like it when a woman changes from an alluring, interesting object of desire to someone who wants to move a relationship along.

Generally speaking.

However, after not having heard from him for... what. Three days? That’s not a good sign

I have had a good day with Mr Tinder, we didn’t do what we planned as it was raining but spent the whole day together without annoying each other so that must be good right? I’m trying to real it in and not over invest but we get on really well, there’s never awkward silences and he seems quite honest. I think I might be pearching my bottom on the edge of the smitten bench (only the edge), we have made plans for in the week to see each other.

That's such good news love, I'm really pleased to hear it's going so well.

jax I'm with you! I do sometimes want to block them all and give up.
I now have three irons:
Mr Punk - seeing him on Thursday, but he's being a bit keen and future planning
Mr Writer - lots of WA but he's away for a week (not sure I fancy him though)
Mr French (new!) - lots in common and cute

But starting mediation this with ex-H so whilst we get on ok and it's all amicable I find the emotion of it all overwhelming.

Thanks ladies I was thinking about messaging tomorrow and simply saying 'am I being ghosted??'. I last heard from him Friday eve so nearly 2 days. I'm not looking for a relationship just dates and dinner. I also wondered if he's not actually single?????

I do have a nice fireman as plan B!!!! Hahahaha!!!! 😆😆😆

Just checking in to say all is going well with MrSpectacles. Still lots to learn and have only had 4 (v long!) dates. But I am feeling good & positive. He is kind and thoughtful. Only thing is he a bit too complimentary but I keep pulling him up on that.

Potato I would be suspicious if he’s disapearing over the weekend, my last iron used to do that and I’m pretty sure he was married. It’s good you have another iron to take your mind off of him, always good to keep your options open with OLD as chances of any irons lasting is slim.

I have deleted my POF account after discussing it with Mr Tinder, to be honest I wasn’t going on there much anyway and was considering taking a break. Took me ages to delete my account as the site kept crashing.

Thanks Love, just arranging to see fireman next weekend, onwards and upwards. Xx

.

Hello again, have been following with interest after my initial post last week.
In the end I signed up with ourtime- don't bother is all I'll say,
Coffin dodgers central. Middle of this week I though sod it and got POF. Much more active but still a lot of crap to sift through as you probably know!
I initIated contact with one guy on Friday, will call him Mr Decent and he offered his number after very few messages so we could speak instead. Asked to meet after a short chat and we did today, went for a walk on Clapham Common and then for a soft drink in a gastropub.
He looked great, ticked a lot of boxes and pleasant enough but complete gent to the point I wasn't sure he was interested. Came home and spoke to my friend who said I was used to idiots and to not reject a decent guy for being what I supposedly want!
Food for thought. He called me this evening and clarified that he doesn't dive on people, benchmark is what behaviour he'd expect a potential BF for his adult DD to show, happy to get to know someone over a number of dates first. Waiting for the catch, it can't be this easy!

Meantime my FWB Mr Flaky made an unexpected reappearance a week ago and may be round tomorrow. Do I put him off...?

I have two irons and wondering if my ideal would be to I know impossible merge them.

Mr Unexpected; met with few messages beforehand, he's attractive to me and he feels similar to me (sense of humour and outlook). His life experiences are not at all similar, he's a bit quiet at messaging, I don't think he's in the most stable position for a relationship. I really fancy him.

Mr Stable; he has messaged lots, all friendly and really normal, but not met. He has very similar life experiences to me. He seems in a stable position no hangups to date and have a relationship. From photos it's 50:50 if I'll fancy him.

Meeting Mr Stable early in week and Mr Unexpected later in the week. Matthew Hussey videos say keep living your life and don't get ott about dating, but the anticipation energy is hard to shake off.

Anyone have a trick to stop overthinking?

Marriednotdead yes I would say cut the flaky FWB who needs anyone flaky? , give Mr Decent a chance. You are attracted to him and he was a nice person - definitely worth spending time with!

Can I just ask what in iron is ladies please??🙈

(An iron is!!!!!!!!)