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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

999 replies

VetOnCall · 02/04/2018 22:56

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
pudding21 · 14/04/2018 09:00

Lost Or tell him you have a tendency to lose interest very rapidly if the effort does not seem equal. And stick to it. Its horrible to feel like a second option, and it sounds like you feel you are being. If you got doubts again, walk away and find someone who does not make you question it.

TomHardysBitontheside · 14/04/2018 09:04

lost if he was really interested I think he'd be able to make more of an effort. He is in complete control here, and that's not good for you. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone where it's all just easy, and you don't have to go NC. You've done this after the second date. I'd say walk away now or you will get hurt again. It's harsh, but better for you in the long run. I am sure he is very busy and doesn't have much time, so why he is even trying to date?

Chocmallows · 14/04/2018 10:48

I told Mr too full on Smile that I won't see him again. He was fine and I feel like it's better it ended at the first signs of guilt control.
One iron left and he seems fine.

Skyrabbit · 14/04/2018 14:03

Hi, I'll catch up on everyone's news in a minute (although from skimming it seems like a bunch of meh blokes 😢)
I need talking down a bit. After last week's 'I'm never dating again' I've had a date with what appears to be an awesome bloke. Sane, solvent, indie hipster boy with a great beard 😁 Had a brilliant first date last night - I eschewed my usual just a coffee, and we went to the local community cinema, then some beers, and then a tingly snog. I'm a bit starry-eyed. It was brilliant, and we've arranged another date for a gig tomorrow.
There's got to be something wrong hasn't there? Am I overly keen? Aarghhh.

ValMc1 · 14/04/2018 15:39

Sky - there has to be some decent men out there and perhaps, just perhaps, he is one of them. Keep your feet on the ground and go with the flow - you never know where it will lead! Good luck

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/04/2018 16:13

Coverme and everyone who replied. I am chatting to Mr ex army. He's v flirty. I won't meet him for another couple of weeks if I do. I challenged him and said are you like this in person as in so forward? He said honestly no and was a bit embarrassed. There something awkward about him but I'm open minded. I love all the filth in the flesh!

Meanwhile I was ghosted before that - that's the first blatant ghosting I've had after one coffee date not even a snog then loads of messages saying he wanted to see me again then silence - guessing another iron in the fire moved faster.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/04/2018 16:14

Skyrabbit that's the date I dream of sounds so ace!

Chocmallows · 14/04/2018 18:41

I had a spontaneous date, man I had chatted to before and recently for a couple of days asked me out. Weird date, we chatted easily, similar outlooks, similar mannerisms, clearly fancied each other. Messaged each other and will meet again. Skyrabbit perhaps something is in the air. I'm wondering what the catch is too!

Hi Queen, I was previously Lana and we both knew a Mr Boat. Ex forces is easier than serving, but I would tread carefully if he's being suggestive before you've even started anything!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/04/2018 19:54

Hey choclana - yurk to mr body I don't want to bump into him!!

Re forces I was married to a squaddie serving and post so I know what I'm letting myself in for. I will go for coffee and see - I have been very firm that's all I will offer just now.

It's funny I'm so focused on weeding out the loons I'm less sensitive to other kind of red flags!!

pudding21 · 14/04/2018 19:57

I have to share because I'm a bit speechless. I have been loosely chatting to a guy, policeman. I wasn't too sure about him so id backed off and not spoken to him for a couple of weeks.

Normal chat (I'm not looking to really meet him, he's off my radar). Then he told me he pissed himself today. So I though you maybe he got caught short on a job. No turns out he likes to piss himself. He's been drinking. Told me it's a fetish.

I told him waaaaay too much information seen as though we hadn't even met! I'm worried about blocking him as he'd easily find me being a copper. Am I being stupid to worry? So ive told him that's enough chat and in the morning I'll tell him it made me uncomfortable and ive lost interest in chatting to him.

Huge red flags. Would you just block? He said freaked me out a little and I'm no prude!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/04/2018 20:00

Pudding block away that's gross

Bant · 14/04/2018 20:06

Evening all. I have no dating news, as work is too busy for me to really be arsed with it.

I did get chatting to a nice woman in the supermarket earlier, when I was squeezing avocados. But she was about 20 years older than me and I think she wasn’t completely sure what avocados are or why I was squeezing them.

I did a quick google and smeatons statistics the other day about there being 7 men to every 1 woman on OLD doesn’t seem to match up with what I saw. It’s generally roughly 50/50, but varies a lot depending on the location and what age you are. Big cities tend to have more women in their 20s, 30s than men but it averages out as you get an older demographic. Rurally it can be as many as 3 to 1 men to women.

And to skew the numbers further, I just literally swiped left to the same woman five times in a row, as she’d created lots of profiles for herself using slightly different photos, rather than one profile with multiple photos.

skyrabbit - no there doesn’t have to be something wrong with him :) There are a large number of decent blokes on there too, as well as the numpties. Some are married of course, and some turn out to be odd, but that’s just dating. I’ve had some horror story dates with women, but some great ones too, leading to luurve and all that. It’s just the luck of the draw, and learning to spot numptydom whilst also maintaining a sense of optimism.

queen - intense talk such as sexting before an actual date is a bit like lovebombing and future faking. It’s taking a virtual relationship with someone you don’t know to a level it’s unlielu to be able to sustain in real life. The risk is awkwardness and a possible sense of expectation or entitlement. Personally I avoid it, which suits me, and women seem to appreciate given the huge number of men who are just looking for wankfodder.

Once there’s actually chemistry in person, that’s different. But otherwise you can just meet someone and feel you have to bleach your brain

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/04/2018 20:14

Bant - god I wouldn't allow sexting!! Not with someone I haven't met. Maybe I'm
Making it sound worse than it is. No investment just like the rules

ValMc1 · 14/04/2018 20:50

Sent someone a message earlier asking where the waterfall was in his picture - got a reply saying a hiya would have been nice before asking a question - thought I was being different - cant win them all I suppose

broccolicheesebake · 14/04/2018 20:58

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me hopping on the thread? Just starting out with this OLD lark. I tried guardian soulmates for a while but got absolutely nowhere. So now I'm on eharmony. Had a few messages and smiles but nothing that's got me excited at all. If you message someone, do you find they tend to reply quickly if they're going to? Or can people sometimes take longer to respond?

Techgirldating2018 · 14/04/2018 21:07

lost I have exactly the same going on here. Previous iron flaky, hot and cold messing with my mind so I’m trying not to reply to last message and reapeating I’m the prize.. if he’s not serious I’m better off out of it.
Previous iron I’ve been chatting to went weird and suggestive last night, we’ve not met yet but it put me off a bit it felt quite derogatory.
He apologised this morning but im hanging out a red flag.
pudding block way too weird..
ignoring hello and hope there’s more excitement out there for you

Bant · 14/04/2018 21:34

broccoli - eharmony and GSM tend to have very few active people unless you’re in a very big city, and even then Eharmony sends you suggestions you can choose to message or not, based upon your religious leanings - as I understand it.

The biggest site out there in terms of traffic is POF. But lots of the traffic unfortunately consists of messy car crashes and people driving past you on a moped and flashing their bits.

If someone hasn’t responded within a day, they usually won’t, as they’re not active.

Online dating is like Facebook. Some are on it all the time and react to others posts. Some only come on every few days, some haven’t been on in months.

And of course to complicate it more, some are married, or otherwise attached. Different sites have different approaches - parents or bikers or swingers or farmers or suchlike.

pudding sorry I just saw your post.. ewwwww. Block.

saveyourkissesforme · 14/04/2018 22:03

Have actually just been playing with GSM and contemplating giving it another whirl. Am a bit wary of POF.

Have met a couple of irons on GSM in the past but haven't tried for a couple of years. I'm not too far from London so GSM is fairly active around here. You can at least have a good look around GSM and stick a profile on there for free. I've done that so might wait and see if i get any messages before paying. You can also cancel I think within 14 days

Carouselfish · 14/04/2018 22:06

First date for a good year done and dusted! Motorbike Guy shall now be renamed History Geek, owing to his long monologues on ww2 related things. Actually though, he's quite sweet. Not hot, but sort of loveable. Seems kind. Likes dogs (essential!). Invited on second date on back of motorbike. Shall wait and see if it happens. He might be a little posh for me though - he talked about Goodwood, I responded with, 'have you ever been to a monster truck derby?'. Oops.
Thank you for clothing tips! I went with, basically, this exact outfit minus flower in hair.

broccolicheesebake · 14/04/2018 22:07

Thanks Bant. I have had a few brief chats on eharmony but not with anyone who floats my boat. I've messaged and sent smiles to a few I like look of but no response....One I'm thinking of was active a few days ago as they added photos. I won't hold out much hope they'll reply but maybe they're a log on every few days kind of person. GSM was dire, hardly anyone subscribes so nobody even looked at, let alone replied..

Carouselfish · 14/04/2018 22:16

Didn't my pic post?
Pudding Jesus! That's too much! I wouldn't worry about him tracing you, he probably gets that reaction a lot! Wouldn't be worth his while chasing them all up.

HistoryGeek has asked for my email to send me a photo of a 'hand canon'. Have replied that I hope it's not a euphemism. Fuck, I really hope it's not. He seemed normal.

Bant · 14/04/2018 22:41

Well it’s either a penis, or a gun, or possibly a book of prayer.

I’d be unnerved by any of them

Skyrabbit · 14/04/2018 23:03

pudding that's rank! Wonder if it's EVER worked for him?!
I wouldn't worry about him looking you up or anything, they're super strict about unauthorised look ups on the PNC. All searches are logged by time and user. It's an offence to search for someone if it's not to do with an investigation.
But still, ewwwwwww!

Thank you for talking me down with my date, I must not invest too early though!! He's been texting an appropriate amount today, and he's a normal amount of keen. Ohhhhhhhhhh. Tingles. Second date tomorrow 😁

Carouselfish · 14/04/2018 23:07

I hope it's a gun. We were talking about shooting ranges in the US we've both been to...

Skyrabbit · 14/04/2018 23:11

carousel Google images suggest this for hand Canon 😂

Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!
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