Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi
Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, it is much appreciated. My head is still all over the place, every time my phone bleeps, I jump hoping its him but it never is. At least the urge to phone him is lessening. The thing is by no means did I think he was my soul mate, I did think he had a few issues. I think it's the rejection I cs I said before I'll need to grow a thicker skin.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

Steel rejection is hard, I struggle with being rejected even if it was someone i wasn’t that into, it’s just the feeling that your not good enough, but we are good enough, we can do better .

Love clay pigeon shooting? It's fun, good date activity I think. If you have nice wellies wear those with skinny jeans and a chunky knit jumper maybe. If you want the full look wear a gilet on top

Vet I wouldn’t text him and if he got back to me I’d say I’d made plans. Might give him the option of another date (if he asked), might not; would depend how well the first date had gone.

Cheers for the thoughts. Cover this would have been the first date with this one. I'm definitely not going to message him again, I never chase after them. If he gets in touch I'll say I've made other plans.

I know Lovemusic, I find it hard and I always think it must be my fault, something I've said/done or something I haven't said / done.
On paper I'm a good catch. Attractive, good job, nice home, fab kids (all growing up and doing well) and financially sound . Every one always tells me I'm a lovely person.....so whats the problem !!!! lol x

Thanks Vet, yes it’s clay pigeon shooting, I have a chunky jumper and a gilet , im looking forward to it, just hope I’m not too rubbish at it, I haven’t shot a gun since I was a child and have never done clay pigeon shooting.

steel yes, it’s hard not to take it personally, it always leaves me thinking that I have done something wrong, I’m sure it’s not that and even if it is then it’s their problem, I am who I am and if they don’t like that then it’s never going to work.

Hi folks - does excessive dirty talk prior to a meet always spell
Disaster? Opinions?

I've got my first date with Mr Punk on Thursday. Originally he'd asked me out tomorrow and I said no. I could go, I just wasn't sure. As we're chatting via WA I'm really starting to like him. There's something intriguing about him. So I'm tempted to text him and say I can go. However I'm feeling myself drawn to a stranger who I've never met. Please, wise Mumsnetters, tell me to keep it real and stop getting emotionally involved already.

Bit of a flurry of messages on here this afternoon :)

Vet I alos wouldn't chase, if he gets back in touch I would say as you hadn't heard you had made other plans. I thought to myself the other day, if I feel like I am starting to want to chase i might even tell the guy that. Like " I am starting to feel like I am starting to chase and I lose interest very quickly if that happens". Almost give them a chance to step up if you like them, if they don't then, all good.

thenew Just think......Next. And move on, and I am with cover on the shoes. I know this, especially because once ex FWB turned up without any shoes at all. Hahahaha! It told me everything I needed to know about him, I loved him for it at the time, but a basis for a relationship: no. Sorry it didn't work out but at least you had a good time.

cover i think missing posting on here means only one thing. You need to scratch that itch again ;)

steel I am learning to realise that being just ok, is not really ok. If we are going through all the hassle of dating, we should find one that really excites us and ticks most of the boxes. He had some issues (you know about, what about the rest??). You are the prize remember.

Love Get yourself down to Joules ;) Have fun, never tried clay pigeon shooting but as a date its a cool choice. He is sounding more and more promising. Have fun, i bet its a giggle.

Tom go meet him, he might not meet those expectations you have in your head and if that is the case, no worries. But what if there is a connection there? And you have fun.......what if?? Go meet him. Remember he shits like the rest of us ;)

Vet sorry; need to read back properly 🙄 my first date (last go round) cancelled on me after specifying/tweaking time and venue to make it convenient for him. So he didn’t get a second chance.

Love just watching The Wicker Man with a mate, I’m having second thoughts about tweed now....

Val best of British with Mr Saint; hope you have a lovely time.

Steel you will grow that thick skin over time. Meanwhile keep posting and we’ll help support you while you do

Queen I wouldn’t like that at all. But I’m after a long term relationship, and I’m old fashioned. So I’d say yes, but the question is how do you feel about it?

Tom punk how, out of interest? If he’s in his 50s, has all his own spiky hair, a Sex Pistols tattoo and you’re in the Home Counties, PM me

Pud get thee behind me......

Thanks for the kick up the arse pudding I've tentatively suggested tomorrow and he's really up for it.

cover he doesn't quite fit that criteria, age-wise he does and he's a proper punk (music, attitude, etc). So he's right up my street!

Tom Yeayyyy!! Have fun, if he isn't quite what you thought, you still got out and hopefully had some fun!

Evening :) I think it say's it all that I am posting on this thread at half ten on a Friday night!
Pud Sounds like you are getting keen on Mr French, haven't mentioned Mr A in some time?
Vet Can't imagine you would allow anyone to mess you about, you seem too sorted to need any advice from me, has Mr DM been in touch?
I have ended things with Mr Local, just said I have too much going on with kids and new job role (I do) to have time for dates, he was v nice about it and we will continue to see each other at running meets. So I will join you in celibate corner cover until I get bored and frustrated and set up a Tinder account!!
Tom have a great time, sounds like a good start with lots in common, and steel don't take it personally, we have all felt the same at some point but being able to discuss it/ laugh about it here does help.
Val enjoy your date, I have my own image of your date...used to love watching The Saint on a Sunday, I'm really hoping he looks like that :)

Not sure what to do. Date yesterday, Mr Smile, has already said he wants exclusivity, has asked for my full name, referred to me meeting his mates. Lots of pestering texting. We've only had a coffee together!

Mr Smart on the other hand seems relaxed. No rush and easy conversation. I'm going to have to back away from Mr too full on smile aren't I?

Ignore - sadly your and my picture of my date did not match RL. He wasn't bad looking but his gestures were just odd. Coupled with the fact that he talked non- stop for over 2 hours and I know his whole life history (including full dating history) and he didn't ask me one thing about me, he's gone from saint to sinner ☹️ Shame coz we had great texts and they made me laugh - reality was very different. I really think I need to talk on the phone first to try to weed out the obvious no's. To think I could have put on my slobs, had KFC delivered and a couple of glasses of red!

So Mr Headfuck messaged me after I went NC for 48 hours saying 'are you okay?... how is work? what's happening?'

We are in contact quite a lot normally but have only just started 'seeing each other' again : 2 dates so far.

I know he has 2 exams next week and he cant see me this weekend as he works sat and is revising sunday, its my only weekend off for the next five
I trying not to be needy but I just know this is going to wind me up like last time, I REALLY like him though, its like a drug!

I

Val wait, wait, wait, KFC deliver now?? i have been out the UK too long ;) Sounds like a drain, I wonder if he felt it went well.

Lostlily Its chemicals, go with them but keep your boundaries.

choc he sounds odd. What does he want to do background checks on you?

ignoring I spoke to Mr A today, he's annoying me as he is still being slack with my project, I know hes busy, but I am still paying him. So i told him so today, he apologized but hes lost the work of helping my mum now. I have lost a bit of respect for him, although I still would ;) I like Mr French a lot. But I am still sure I will end up waaaaay more into him than the other way round. But I am trying not to overthink, and remind myself that I am the prize ;)

Pudding I guess he wants to cyberstalk me, but he doesn't have enough information (v common 1st name). I need to walk away, but already worried about him guilt tripping me... Funny I can be direct, but a certain type of guilt manipulation can pull me in. I wish I knew why!

Oh lost I feel your pain! It's so hard...it sounds like he will chase you if you are backing away. May be you can think through the scenarios as you know him best...what is the likely outcome if you keep seeing him? Will you be hurt if he backs off? Would you be more hurt if you didn't see him to see how it played out?

Vet if he contacts 're Saturday I'd decline and reschedule if he's keen and it works for you.

Pudding KFC don't deliver but there is a local company that will pick up any of the big food chains for a fiver - bliss - whatever I want for a fiver extra and always piping hot. Shame about Mr A - there was a lovely thread on here a while back about a green eyed gardener - they got it together in the end and thought you might too. I think mine knows it's not going anywhere - he has texted me to say thank you for a nice evening and I have done the same - thankfully no mention of doing it again.

Newyear
When we see each other we always have a really nice time.
I honestly don't know the possible outcome if I carry on seeing him, I would be hurt if he backed off but he has always maintained that he has never rejected me or felt like he didn't want to see me anymore, I just have to understand his career and his commitments and that he lives where he does.
I just don't know where or if I figure in his plans or if I am just someone he likes to see now and then until something better comes along....He always says that is about 'me' and how I see myself and if he didn't want me in his life I wouldn't be there as he is very picky about who he spends his minimal spare time with

Ignoring thank you... I'm glad I appear sorted, I don't feel it most of the time Mr DM is in daily WhatsApp contact, he seems like a genuinely sound bloke, no red flags whatsoever, but still no concrete plans to meet again either. He has been flat out with a bad back all week though, which is why I haven't sacked him off yet.

Nothing from Mr Ski. He obviously had second thoughts in the 5 minutes between asking me when I'm free and me replying. I don't imagine he'll get in touch again now but on the off chance he does he'll get my best version of an icily polite FOTTFSOFATFOSM response

Lostlilly you are "trying not to be needy", but a basic need is to not feel like someone's contingency plan. I can understand why you would want some reassurance between dates that it could realistically develop. Hopefully he will give you that reassurance genuinely soon.

Lost

I just have to understand his career and his commitments and that he lives where he does.

Hmm, it's all about him isn't it? According to him I mean. He's got you feeling that you're lucky that he chooses to bestow his presence on you in some of his precious free time. I know it's different when you're in the middle of it, but from the outside it's easier to see, he's using you, throwing you crumbs of attention to keep you on the hook. He may well 'want you in his life' but only on his terms. You're there when it's convenient for him and he fancies some company. People like him are life vacuums, they take what they can and suck the life out of you, but only if you let them do it.

Vet
He does make me feel like that sometimes.... I have told him that. I thought that this time around he would be a bit better at this as he wanted so much to see me again

I wish I could walk away I am my own worst enemy. I will not contact him again. I managed last time and I am just not chasing him, Its degrading. He needs to make time for me if he wants me.

Lost - it sounds like Mr Headfuck could be heading for Mr Headfuck x2 - be careful not to let that happen. Try being unavailable when he next wants to see you - let him do some of the thinking.