Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

steel we have all been there. Its definitely a common thing it seems.

Whats has happened to Runsforcake ? is she on the smitten bench??
Still not made any contact with Mr Headfuck,
There are a couple on Bumble messaging who seem okay. I just haven't got the energy or inclination. Besides I am on nights so dates are off limits for a while anyways

Steel sorry things didn’t work out, like others have said ‘it is common’ and has happened to most of us. I think it’s easy to get carried away early on when you don’t really know each other, then as you get to know each other one of you changes their mind, realises it’s all too soon or that you just aren’t suited. It’s happened to me a few times and doesn’t get any easier, I just try and prepare myself now when I start dating someone, try and slow things down and take my time (one date a week is fine with me).

Just an observation.....looking through the threads today at all these DH/Partner/EX posts! cheating, refusing to commit after 7 years!!, going out on drink binges for 48 hours, walking out on unborn children, refusing to pay maintenance.............what the hell are we all doing

so many of us on here have been lovebombed and led down the garden path and we are clearly just hopeful of finding something meaningful and long lasting despite our experiences....we must be bloody mad!!
I wish we could see some nice stories because at the moment I am feeling quite cynical

Lost I often look through the ‘relationship threads’ and think “thank fuck I’m single”. OLD has made me realise how many men are happy to cheat on their partners/wives and how good they are at lying.

I have been on my own a while now and when I do start liking someone I start to worry about not having my own space and time on my own as I now enjoy doing my own thing and not having to tell anyone what I’m up too.

Being single isn’t too bad

lost I think you're doing well not to contact him. I can understand your hope that he's changed though!

steel so sorry for what has happened. I find it heart breaking each time I read of love bombing. I don't understand how the love bomber doesn't feel more duty to be honest, they seem to enjoy the control/intensity and then what can you say when they end it and accept all the blame themselves? I hope you're doing ok.

Went on a date last night and had an amazing time! It was so nice to go out and not think about my ex and everything that's happened.

But, it has affirmed that I don't want anything serious right now. The guy was lovely, and I would like to see him again, but I have some healing left to do before I jump into anything else.

So I have a nice kidney infection....... started as cystitis now in my kidneys. Antibiotics for 10 days. Its a weak spot of mine, and happens about twice a year. Bloody typical.

Plus just found out very last minute I have to go to India on a work trip on the 24th April, which means my child free time will be really limited until I return as their father will have to have them the whole time I am away.

So, feeling slightly ropey.......but want to see Mr French, shall I ask him if he is free tomorrow night? I want to

Pudding sorry to hear your poorly, I get them too, have had several courses of antibiotics this year , hope you feel better soon. A trip to India sounds amazing.

I haven’t heard from Mr Tinder since his 4am message, I’m not chasing, trying to stay cool.

steel I just wanted to add to all the other comments that you're not alone. Many of us have been lovebombed. It's not nice and really hard to comprehend. But we learn from all of these experiences and can see the signs if it starts to happen again.

I've got a date with Mr Punk next week. He seems nice. Quite chatty on WA. We're going to a gig and he's already asked me to go to a second gig. He's also talked about having all the time in the world to get to know me. My senses are thinking 'lovebomber', altough he's not said anything about us having a connection. We just chat about all sorts of things. Anyway, I'm being very cool about the whole thing. He's an interesting man though and we both love the same music, which is important to me.

Thanks love maybe just send him a message say hi. Takes the waiting out of it. He might be thinking the same about messaging you.

India is great I have been a few times, but its 2 days traveling for 3 days work so its exhausting. But I might wangle an overnight in Dubai. Tinder there could be interesting with all the rich Sheikhs ;)

He’s just messaged, he’s working (sent me a photo of what he’s doing). I want to sort out our next date but it’s hard as he doesn’t always know when he’s working.

I have another iron who is suddenly really keen but as I met him on a hook up site I’m not that keen on meeting him.

I haven’t been on POF for a couple of days as I just feel wrong talking too several people at once, more so if I have been on a date with someone —and really like them— .

I've got a date tomorrow night with no red or even pink flags - was just supposed to be phoning for a chat but he's asked to do it in person - he's travelling a reasonable distance as I may be carless tomorrow - don't normally meet without phone chat first but why not?

Val I never talk on the phone. I find meeting ASAP is the best option, it’s easier to walk away if you don’t feel a connection, if you have been chatting for months it’s harder. Hope your date goes well.

Lostlily I'm having a break from dating for the foreseeable future. I really can't be bothered with it any more.
Just catching up with this thread every few days or so.

Eeeeeek. First OLD tonight. Defo a fwb situation but both have been upfront and respectful.

So haven't been with anyone other than husband for 25 years.

Any new safety rules? Protocols etc etc I need to be aware of?

Meeting at a pub where I know the landlord, friend has me on find my iPhone and is aware of what's going on.

Anything else?

ValMac I haven't spoken on the phone to the guys I have met, but we have exchanged voice messages on whatts app, I think its nice to do, you hear their voice etc. But i don't think it is a necessity.

thenewphase Don't drink too much ;) If you know the landlord that is good, go with what you feel comfortable and don't be pressured into anything.

Love so tell him you look forward to seeing him again when your schedules align or something, then its firmly in his court.

I left a message for Mr french asking about tomorrow. He was worried it was his fault I have a kidney infection, bless. Lets see. If he is busy, no problem I am not 100% anyway and his loss ;)

RunsforCakes me too. i seriously cannot
be bothered, im finding it quite draining having to be the “best version” of myself when getting to know new people.

im a classic introvert though (and INFJ) so i tend to retreat to recharge, and that doesnt really work with dating.

i like this thread though, so im going to keep reading

I like this thread too. I can’t be bothered with getting to know people right now it just feels to exhausting sometimes. I still miss my ex. I’ve been away somewhere we used to go a lot and it’s made me really sad.
I’ve so much to sort out in my own life right now I really should be concentrating on that. Unless a really stunning, sensible, sexy, funny, no issues man comes along (and judging by what I’ve seen on dating sites around here that’s not very likely!) you guys are my entertainment.
That said the men in this part of the world are Hot !!!

Please can I join the not bothered bench?

Date tonight with Mr smile, but I'm relieved that event that exB was at has passed so no energy left to feel nerves.

I have now been on OLD for over 1.5 years (excluding periods of dating). I may well celebrate at 2 years by myself as I am myself on dates and that means most of the time I get bored, or they think I'm too direct. Hopeless cause!

thenewphase . enjoy yourself tonight and if you need to bale, just do it. Have fun, you are the prize!

Mr Tinder just asked me about my job and asked why I don’t work full time. I have a feeling he will now vanish , I don’t work full time as I have 2 children with ASD (he knows about the ASD), obviously I get some benefits for the dd’s which means I can afford not to work full time. It’s hard to explain to someone that doesn’t understand the situation. I work, I get a good wage but I don’t work full time, I am doing several courses to benefit me when I do need to work full time. He has now disappeared.

I may join you all in the ‘can’t be bothered bench’.

love Repeat this to yourself, if he disappears after that, is that the kind of man you would really want in your life?? Nah. Give him a bit of time, if he doesn't respond, move on. Sometimes people say something to me on message and I have to think about what it means or how that would affect me or how to respond but I would usually respond within 12 -24 hours. If he comes back in 12 hours or so, don't be hard on him. i think these early interactions tell you a lot about a person.

love well it is his loss. If he really liked you he'd stick around and accept your situation. It makes perfect sense as to why your don't work full-time. Anyone can see that. He sounds very shallow if your work situation has put him off. Maybe time to move on?

I will give him time to reply, I just have a bad feeling as this is usually what happens when I tell someone my situation. Of course I would love to work full time and not have disabled children but this is the way things are. I have worked since I was 14 years old, I hate it when people judge me for not working full time. Maybe I’m wrong and he’s just busy thinking or doing something else. I will give him a chance but as you say ‘his loss if he’s that shallow’.

Don't justify yourself Love the right man for you will think you are amazing for working, being a single mum, besides everything else. At the same time, its a lot to think of if you want to see someone for the future. Would it bother me? No, but it might for some people depending on what they are looking for.

I feel for you because I bet you have had a few disappear because of it, but its your life, its not going to change. If he doesn't reply, then he isn't right for YOU. I have had it with guys who disappeared when you tell them you have kids, let alone with ASD. So hats off to you ;) Have a nice evening.