Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

It is a big turn off for me loveand does make me think most people are only after one thing. Oh hang on, most are, aren't they . It's just not my thing and I've had to say I don't like it to a couple of people I quite like.

bant it's just not necessary, is it? I just think "would you say this to a person in the street?" If my answer is no, then I don't say it.

smeaton which site were you/your friend using for the cross dressing profile

When I got together with bloke last year off OLD we both had a good look at each other's profile. He had had loads of messages in a similar time frame to my 1 or 2. I don't know if that is just London where there appear to be more women than men in my age group OLD!!

Think sex clubs different in that traditionally they have been set up for men therefore always willing to attract women by letting them in free and although I understand they have moved with the times they are still mainly there attracting men.

tom i think flirty before meeting is not right and I wouldn't like it either

About the rude bits slipping into conversations. It all depends for me if I like the guy, I like to chat for a bit and see if he ticks any boxes, I get quite selective with the chat. Its got to be funny. If they go straight in with the sex chat I either shut them down or just stop talking. If I am feeling it with a guy before I met, i might partake in a little bit of flirting etc. Nothing too full on, because I've learnt that you can build up expectations and then be disappointed so I never give the impression i would be up for sex on the first night. I like to give myself a get out clause.

There has to be a vibe for me, or I won't engage further.

Mr French sent some nice messages earlier. I'm not feeling great, I think I am coming down with something, which is good as it will naturally curb my enthusiasm. I was going to suggest me going over Friday night yesterday, now I will see how I feel. Sitting on your hands is a good thing sometimes, I know I can be a bit eager with the chatting and can get a bit carried away. I am an old romantic though, so I kind of also have that part of me that wants the whole swept off my feet, crazy thing.

Horses for courses and all that.

smeaton bant that is interesting about the social media/messaging hours. Definite food for thought.

Just started on PoF last week. It's much better than the last time I looked ten years ago where it was just bald/serial killer eyes/bitter-sounding description.
Anyway, got some irons and arranged two dates so far. One is this Sat, the next is the Sat after.
First is MrMotorbike. Nice and tall. Might have odd teeth, can't quite tell. But we have lots in common. His longest relationship was 5 years which seemed ok. Some have 1 year (worrying), some have 15 (okay, but you feel it's a challenge to meet).
Second is MrAverage. Not distinguishable looks-wise. Blokey. Likes football. Does practical job. More hopeful I will find him attractive although we'll prob match less on personality.
Besides all this, I've got one on Tastebuds (a site ostensibly about music taste but which is becoming mainly dating), who's a divorcee I've been having long conversations with. He's lovely, dealing with lots from the fallout of divorce with two children under 8, but we have lots in common. I'm not pushing him, just taking it really slow. Feel more serious about him than the dates really though!
My question is, what to wear on an early evening pub date? I'm older and fatter and can't quite pull off my old 50s style polkdot dress look anymore I don't think. Also, how do you undo three years of rubbish sleep tired-face in four days?

Wait, it's not divorcee if they're not female is it? So, is it just he's a divorce? Fiancee, fiancé etc...I don't know.

Who is the last that lives in Portugal?
I have just arrived in Porto for a few days and received 6 superlikes on tinder! I decided I'd swipe, just to see ... oh my god, why don't I live in Portugal???

Who is the lady* bloody autocorrect

I am at that critical point I get to with every sodding iron where we start wondering how we can fit seeing each other more.

Normally it's the man (sans kids) who is complaining at this point that I am too busy. Now I am starting to see someone with dcs I can definitely see it from the other side. I have well sorted out arrangements with exh and we stick to them. Seems there's no formal arrangement between MrG and exMrsG and the free nights between us are as rare as hen's teeth.

I think I've said before that I always get to this point and it's a critical junction. If it doesn't work this time I am definitely taking another OLD break!

And I am still at being choked in bed bant but each to their own!

This is why I was asking smeaton about his/his friend's kinky sites as I'm sure there must be dating sites particularly for people who have errr less vanilla needs!

(Because next time I have a date with someone like that, I know where to send them!)

That was meant to be gasp at being choked in bed but not sure it came out on phone!

carousel I favour casual dresses as it disguises any fat tums! Failing that jeans and a nice floaty top!

Im not a dress kind of girl for every day wear. Im a jeans, top, boots and jacket wearer. Always looks smart but not overly 'done'

Daffo how hard is it finding mutual nights off? I like to have once a week but I guess as things progress eventually it would be more. I think there's also a risk where busy people cancel dates, then the other gets upset, then they don't want to schedule in advance for fear of cancelling again etc. Oh the joys of dating with youngish dc!

I find the comments on WA and social media interesting too. In some ways I like the text chat as assuming you're both truthful you can find shared interests, ideas etc which may have taken longer to come out in person. But I agree that actually it takes little effort to message and you can easily fall for a persona.

vixnixtrix that'll be me. Have fun in porto :) Beautiful city! With beautiful men! I'm nearer Lisbon but I imagine them pool is as good in porto!

love glad you heard from your iron yesterday. I heard from mine too, few messages but he was at work so not too much which is fine by me. I am going to leave it today and see if he messages me etc. so I'll be sitting on my hands for a bit... luckily a few meetings will keep me busy. He seems keen when we are together but I just have a sense that he is pulling away... maybe it is all in my head!

Well, mrbook got in contact last night and he said he felt awful but however much he liked me wasn't enough for him to get over his fear of a relationship. He did actually say that he probably shouldn't have been on the site saying he wanted a relationship.... he likes the idea but not the reality. He said he had really meant everything and i did believe him as he was genuinely upset. I am feeling upset about it today too as we did seem so well matched. I also had reservations about the distance and juggling childcare too though and had let my romantic side push that to one side so I'm kind of glad that upheaval won't be happening. It's also made me realise that distance does matter and i do want to meet someone where we can see each other more frequently if we want and have those spontaneous meetings so i am going to just limit my search to more local in the future.

I've been speaking to a couple of others last night..... one seems interesting and i think may turn into a possible iron so I'm just going to wait and see.

minnie hopefully the feeling of him pulling away is just in your head. It's good you have some things to keep you busy for the time being! I think sometimes it can become a self fulfilling prophecy if you think someone is pulling away then you start subtly changing how you interact to look for reassurance or signs of how they feel and then they respond negatively to that and it spirals. If he's keen when he's with you though then that's a good sign! Do you have another date planned?

carousel I'm definitely a jeans and nice top fan too. You can dress it up with jewellery or a scarf or something and i just like feeling comfortable!

Minnie I am doing the same today, luckily I’m working and I know he won’t message me until later as he worked a night shift last night (will be in bed until 2ish), I’m not going to stress about it, I’m not even sure what he wants anyway, if it’s just a FWB thing then I shouldn’t be expecting loads of messaging. One of my old irons started messaging me last night, that’s kind of taking my mind off stressing over Mr Tinder.

Hi All. Any tips on how to move the chatters along to a meeting?

I know I could just ask the men out but that for me sets up a negative feeling in me that I am responsible for everything.

Just wondered what other people do in this situation?

clamig I think distance is very important. I was with my ex for 4 years and we always lived about two hours apart and we resented each other in the end when we had to travel after work etc. neither of us wanted to move so it just wasn't going to work. I hope that it is in my head too...suppose to be spending the weekend with him so hopefully that will make me feel better. I am trying to play it really cool with the texts today and just see what happens. I am not sure that he wants a relationship but we have been dating for about 4 months and I think he is off Tinder...

love distractions are the best. I recieved a good morning text just before my first meeting so that kept me from replying for a little bit. I always try not to double text but I am going to make an extra effort not to today. Maybe I need someone knew to speak to in order to keep my mind occupied.

So... I have kind of hooked up with Mr Headfuck again I know I know......
But this time I am very much in control, he has messaged me throughout the last three months that I was seeing Mr Smiley (I only do one at a time) and I was honest that I was dating others as he had let me down and he was my first 'thing' since my marital split.

I have seen him twice in the last week and yes we have had great sex (always did) and went walking together and pub lunch which was lovely. It feels very different this time around though. We were totally full on when we first met and constantly messaging etc.... Now its one or two messages a day.
I have always REALLY fancied him, physically, intellectually etc and we work in the medical profession and have teenage daughters.....
'which was never really there with Mr Smiley-the Bald/builder type thing just doesn't do it for me and he obviously could see that'

But I know it will be just three or four times a month because of distance and commitments and I am not sure how he see's me... he says its not just about sex and when I stopped seeing him for a couple of months and answering his messages he did seem genuinely bothered, he has also been quite supportive and helpful through my legal/divorce stuff....
I just feel like he will never really 'settle down' as he is such a free spirit and so anti marriage after his last one. NOT that I feel I want to get married again either at this moment in my life but I don't want an eternal FWB either...should I let it ride and see what happens or stop it now before I get hurt

Lostlily take each day at a time, if you start freaking out or doesn't feel right then step away and give yourself some space. remind me why he was such a head fuck again?

My Ex FWB keeps popping up, its so tempting as like you the chemistry was unreal but I was starting to get feelings for him and its clear to me he only wants sex (or he wants more but is incapable of being honest or even talk about feelings".

lostlily I am honestly starting to wonder how anyone does more than once a week meet ups even if you do live close - if you can manage once a week for a bit to see if it's all working the way both of you want it, that's a start?

I suppose in a way it's the same juncture I always find myself at. What happens next? How do you move it forward in a meaningful way if you both have dcs and settled lives in areas that are not that immediately close to each other.