Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I do think that obsession thing can happen when it isn't just right. The man I last went out with (off OLD last year) - we were triggers for each other's behaviour. He had OCD and was very controlling and needed to know that he was the first person I was messaging in the morning and the last one before bed, he couldn't cope with untidiness - and I'm someone who lives in organised chaos. We wound each other up even though on the face of it, he was a decent man. I sometimes think that obsessive behaviour is born out of being matched with someone that is triggering all the wrong behaviours in you. I've done it myself and I've had it done to me and I now know when I feel that way or it is happening to me, that it's just a non starter of a relationship. Easier said than done I know though - when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to get out.

MrG and I are on our 5th date now - I'm not like most of you I think, I can't do messaging or seeing more than one person at a time. Probably why I've been single for so long . It's going really well, it's so easy being with him, we're really comfortable together and I am trying desperately hard not to jump miles ahead in my head given we've actually only known each other about 3 weeks. But if there was a right feeling, then I'm pretty sure I am having it now. I don't feel stressed about it, it feels like the most natural thing on earth to be with him and he feels the same so I'm crossing my fingers and toes that this might finally be it!

daff that is lovely to read. Go steady

Daff good for you.

Lovely that you have the right feeling.

That sounds really exciting Daff

And Pudding I am a tiny bit jealous!

I met MrLoco for dinner yesterday, he fits his name and I came home at 5am. Experienced something I've always wanted to try and he was offering, not physically my type at all on the face of it but bloody Nora! Also seemingly quite a lovely relaxed guy. I need to sit back and think now really as I'm not sure if that particular "lifestyle" shall we say, while making my libido happy, fits with a relationship which is what he is looking for. Hmmm.

Also wanted to see MrBlue once more to see if those flags are waving or if I do like him but don't know if that's fair as he only wants singular focus from the off.

MrOil has asked me for a date when he gets home next week.

And he has messaged me on and off all day. Can you all keep everything crossed for me please? I like him, he is sexy, makes me laugh and is flirty.

I've had no reply so I think that's it

iron he might just be waiting until he has some undivided attention to reply, or work out when he has time or something. Don't fret. You are the prize remember ;)

So I am talking to people both through Tinder and POF.

I think I have a bit of a problem in that I have a type. Tattoos, piercings, Rock/Metal. It doesn't seem like my kind of people use dating sites as they are few and far between.

I am messaging a couple of people mind you. Just seeing how it goes.

Hello everyone,
I've been a long-term lurker on the thread and was wondering if i might be able to join you? You all seem like such a nice bunch!

I've been single since last summer when i dated someone for a few months but it's been years since I've had a serious relationship. I am looking for a relationship rather than anything else though but i just don't seem to have had much luck meeting the right person!

I did meet an iron a couple of months ago...I'll call him MrBook
We got on unusually well and spoke on the phone for hours. However, we're about 3 hours from each other and discussed how difficult it'd be to have a relationship. He also had a panic about it being so long since he'd had a relationship and being able to let someone else in. We decided we had to meet in person though to see how we felt and it was an amazing time. I ended up staying over at his and we decided to see how things develop. We've been talking this week and I'm supposed to be going to see him this weekend. However, we were talking on Sunday and i just dropped in that i really liked him as we were saying goodbye. Since then he's not spoken to me :( I'm trying to give him space and haven't contacted him apart from one message yesterday which he read but didn't reply to. It's so hard as i really liked this one and he ticked so many boxes. I guess i may have over invested a bit though . Maybe he didn't feel quite the way i did about things?

So...where I'm at is that I've decided to try and get some more irons in an attempt to stop over investing!

I'll stop before this post gets too long but glad to have finally said hello to the thread!

Hi All
Daff - that sounds very promising!
Silver - am very curious about what you got up to with MrLoco, lol!
Jax - keeping everything crossed for you!
Molly - where I come from just about everyone on OLD is like that! Maybe you should move, lol.
Clamig - good idea to have other irons to stop over-investing. Wait and see. You've done nothing wrong in saying how you feel.

MrWow continues to live up to his name. He is so sweet and has been a rock while I'm going thro sh*t. Regardless of how this ends, think I've found a good friend. It's hell waiting for the results of my tests. My STBX is back tonight (we part co-habit). I'm dreading it. Hopeless at keeping things to myself. MrWow is going to pop over before he arrives to give me a hug and a pep talk on why I should keep quiet (at my request).

Third ha it was intense and he wants me to stop by his on the way home from work tonight which I am seriously considering so a bit addictive too clearly!

MrWow sounds amazing!!

Smeaton .... thanks...no, i don't think what you said was too harsh. I think a lot of it is probably right looking back. I've been working on keeping my guard up and getting lots of useful OLD tips from here so I'm a bit cross with myself for letting this guy slip through. I think i got caught up in the talk and how honest it all seemed. Maybe he is just scared and did mean all he said but i would have hoped he'd have been able to talk it through with me rather than ignoring me if that was the case. I did end up going straight to his and we did have sex although he made it clear there was no expectation of that. Writing it down, it was a stupid and potentially dangerous thing to do. I think you're right that i didn't listen to the ways he was telling me that he didn't want a relationship or at least was unsure about it. I think i just need to chalk this up to experience and really keep my eyes and ears open next time.

clamig it’s so hard trying to read people. I don’t think he was just after one thing, I do think he might be scared of getting into anything serious.

This dating stuff is tough, trying to guess what people are thinking and feeling, it stresses me out. Spent yesterday morning with Mr Tinder, he messaged me loads after I got home but then today only one message (a reply to the message I sent him). I’m now panicking as this seems to happen too me every time I meet someone. I have tried not to be over keen. The message he sent after our date yesterday was really sweet, said he enjoyed being with me and hopes we can meet again, then last night back to normal chit chat, today hardly anything. I’m trying not to over think, trying to chill out . I haven’t got any other irons to keep me busy which isn’t helping. I need to keep busy.

I am the same love and clamig feel like I never understand what people are thinking and when I think something is going well maybe thats only me thinking it. I don't have any other irons either, which is maybe silly of me, so trying to keep busy and not keep looking at my phone which is hard... Even harder when I can see he has been 'active now' on Facebook for most of the day.

It’s frustrating. I only talk to Mr Tinder in messenger (not WhatsApp, haven’t got him on Fb either) so I can’t see if he’s online. I told myself yesterday that I won’t get stressed out, what will be will be, but it’s easier said than done. People are great at saying the are interested on minute and then vanishing the next, seems to happen all the time so I kind of expect it. Maybe I’m stressing over nothing.

I wish I hadn't got him on Fb - would unfriend but think it may seem odd! Hopefully you are stressing over nothing and he is just busy (it does happen).

Love and Minnie. This will probably sound patronising but its really not meant to be.
With dating, you really do have to play or cool and just let if flow. Once you've sent someone a message, put your phone down and don't worry whether they have seen it or have been active.
Don't worry about what they might be thinking, it will almost always be completely different to what you think they are thinking. Just give these things time. The more you worry about these things the less pleasure you will get from dating and also make mistakes.

minnie love clamig . get on youtube and watch some of matthew hussey online videos! They help, they really do.

Clamig - I fell for exactly the same chat as you with the first guy I dated after my marriage ended. It completed blindsided me as just wasn't prepared for how dating works now and the warning signs to look out for. I believed every word he said and when he stopped calling after we did the deed I was devastated and it really knocked my newly rebuilt self esteem. He was a pro at what he does and I was clearly fresh meat and an easy target. I think this is why I haven't yet found the courage to try online dating as just don't think I'm strong enough to sieve through all the bullshit ans scared I'll get played again. Everything Smeaton said is spot on, and all the same crap I fell for.

How do you not lose part of your trusting and optimistic character but also have your eyes and ears open to all the users out there that put on such a good show?

(Silver - quite intrigued what you've been up to you )

Thanks penny and jax I will give those videos a watch.

Smeaton and anyone else with understanding....what I don't understand with dating and the type of man you allude to is why they go to the trouble of chatting for ages etc if they only want sex? What's the best way to filter out users? I will only sleep with someone after quite a few dates etc but is that enough, or do some people hang around for many dates just waiting for the 'prize' of sex?! Sorry if I'm a bit naive

New I think the chatting is a part of the chase (which they enjoy). What I don’t understand is the ones that live 3 hours away and will drive that distance for sex, surely they can get it closer to home?