I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

God I hate him. I hate him on your behalf. It's just meanness.

Time to hire a red hot guy to be your family

What a twat

It does hurt.
And it pisses me off that it does.
I have major issues dealing with the feelings that my single parent family is inferior to his more traditional family unit.
I still believe she’s better than me. Prettier, younger, smarter, thinner.

I was a shitty wife.

She's not better than you. She didn't fuck a married man. That makes you awesome in my book.

been there, worried, fretted, sulked, realised I'm better

As my Granny would have said of her "She's no better than she ought to be" Have no idea what she meant by it, other than she said it with a knowing nod, half a wink and a shuddering of the shoulders.

You are raising 2 children by yourself, holding down a job and paying a mortgage. You are not an awful mother, you were not a shitty wife. You are at least her equal and so far ahead of him, no one is keeping score.

If you want to go, walk in there with your head held high, go over and talk to some of the other mothers and leave them to explain who she is. She can't even claim to be your DD stepmum - she's not married to him.

Oh Onit he has dealt some low blows but this tops them all. I NEVER use this word but he is a cunt.

You will do what you have continued to do - put your DC first - in your decision of whether to go or not, but know this: you are their mum, their number one go-to person and they are so lucky to have you.

Bring on the holiday, let that be your focus.

He can call his "current" arrangement a family if he likes. You know that you and your DC are most definitely a family because you love and support each other. His so called family is just a brittle and hollow facsimile because he dominates and rules the group with no consideration of DCs feelings.

Remember Onit, you have won the prize because you are rid of him. The OW has all of this to come. One day she will have an OW all of her own. You were never a shitty wife. He was and always will be a shitty father and husband because everything he does is for show. He values appearances and is desperate to be seen as the "fair and right man". Pathetic really.

He values appearances and is desperate to be seen as the "fair and right man". Pathetic really.

Ive posted on these threads under various names.

I did laugh at your perfect description of me and Onit's husbands. It reminds me of mine telling someone that he'd left me and the
new woman child equal amounts in his estate ( yes, I'll still inherit from him if he goes first). He was really proud of it until the friend said to him - why would you do that when she's not Onions equal in anyway at all and never will be.

Onit, its shite and Im sorry. Really. xxx

Well I hope you go in for the breakfast thing at school too. You deserve to be there. You are their mother and carer. She does not deserve to be there. She is a homewrecker, as is he.

He and she will look like utter selfish twats to the other genuine parents and carers at the school. You, on the other hand, will look like the honest and genuine person you are, and every inch like you should be there.

Remember Onit, you have won the prize because you are rid of him.
Amen

Onit, I have read and silently supported you in the past so I hope you don’t mind me throwing in five cents.

If I were attending the parents’ breakfast as the parent of another child and saw this, I would not be thinking of him as a fair and right man.

I would be thinking ‘What an absolute tosser! He has brought his new girlfriend and their baby along to a school event that Onit is attending and .......they aren’t even divorced yet! Who the fuck does that? That is about showing off or flaunting, it is not about the kids or the school’.

My judgeypants would be getting a major workout. He will not come out of this looking good.

Onit, the best thing you can do is go along and not lose your shit at them in public. If you can do that everyone will think you smell of roses.

I’m not going.
I will have to sit in a room with him soon enough with a sheriff sitting opposite us.
I am terrified.
I certainly never want to breathe the same air as her while I have the choice not too.

I certainly never want to breathe the same air as her while I have the choice not too

I understand that. There’s absolutely no way I want to see the tiny Asian —woman— child who at 30 years younger then my husband is the same age as one of our daughters. I think I’d die and it’s to my husbands credit that after bringing her to where we live he left town with her very quickly after being told by our grown up children - this is our mothers place, it’s the country she calls home, take that one back to the place you found her and never bring her here again. And he hasn’t.

My children told him - our mother will live the rest of her life in peace. She’ll go about her to day life without having to worry about going to the shops and we want no part of your disgrace under our noses either.

I think of you often Onit what with us both being married to the same type of garden gnome.

I dread the day he might move back here with her and their baby.

The thought of bumping into her at the shop or the doctors.

Why does she want to go to my dcs school anyway? Why does he want to take her?

Why does she want to go to my dcs school anyway?

I doubt she has very much choice?

Why does he want to take her?

He needs the validation and the numbskull will leave there thinking he got it because he understands nothing about 'theory of mind' which, very briefly, is the ability to understand that other people have their own thought and beliefs about things. He'll leave there thinking job well done and he wont have clue that people are things WTF.

Its a hard one to live with Onit. I know. Because being human we want him to know that people are thinking WTF and that they know who he is but unfortunately we for the most part have to live with the fact that we wont get this satisfaction to order. One day we will though.

On a different note I actually feel quite sorry for the person my husband is with because after a good few years of minimal contact with our children he's now accepted conditions to having our grown up children in his life more. If he'd ever accepted the conditions for me I'd be feeling very bad indeed. However, I am glad that my youngest girl is now in touch with her dad after a period of almost 3 years and the fact I put her up to it is neither here not there. I got no pleasure out of their estrangement. It was a horrible situation and I was dreading something happening to him and her having to live with it.

Its all shite.

She looked happy enough to be here when they parked up a few minutes ago.
They’ve left their car outside.
I watched her hug my dc.
Its the first time I’ve seen her since before I found out. Albeit from a distance.

I feel so awful.
The horrible thoughts in my head scare me. I didn’t think I could ever intentionally hurt a person but I’d smile while ripping her hair out by the roots.
It bothers me that I can visualise doing that to her but when I try to imagine giving him similar treatment, I don’t have the same venom.
In fact, I don’t want to. It’s like I’m numb. It’s as if I have no compulsion.
Why is that?

In other news, my lawyer has sent me the defence document which will be lodged with the court on Monday.
But we’ll be off to the sun for a week with bf and his family.
I’m so nervous.
I’m terrified I forget something important.
I’ve got passports, money, train tickets are on my phone (so must remember my charger in my handbag), getting all our meds sorted out this morning.

Wish I could get excited about it.

Just because she looks the part doesn't mean she is convincing anyone. I'm not surprised you're angry with her. It's perfectly understandable.

On to nicer things though. I'm sure your holiday will be fantastic. You've got the important things - tickets, passports, money and meds. Anything else that you've forgotten you can either manage without or get at your destination.

Knowing that he is going to try to bother you whilst you're away, do you have any kind of strategy? Phone off as much as poss, or block his number for a week, or let your bf answer your phone if ex calls you?

Yes, he will say he wants to speak to Dc in the week.
Tell him you have no intention of even charging your phone while away
then block his fucking number.
or just brush off his wrath on return & say, no signal... too bad eh ?

DO NOT read his emails &/or messages while you are away. , he has done enough harm
Switch off

He’s re-writing history and putting on a bit of a “hearts and minds” campaign.

Your true friends know the truth OP.

She wants to go because it validates their relationship. And because it's a small victory for her and for him-everyone accepting them and not batting an eyelid (in public anyway).
The saddest thing about all this (for me and maybe for you) is that people are incredibly disloyal when things don't affect them directly. It's easier for them to say hi to people they might privately consider to be vile than to be off with them, and so that's what they do. But it hurts like hell (hurts me anyway). It's like a horrible sting in the tail, two years later when I see people who derided my exh to me cosying up to him and to her. And of course I can't say anything because that would be viewed as unreasonable.
It's deffo made me reevaluate friendships and distance myself (which even more gallingly is exactly what h and her probably want) because it's just too hard.

Still onwards and upwards. Get yourself on holiday, enjoy it. The best revenge is a life we'll lived and all that.

You are going on holiday with your fabulous children and a red hot man! They had a dodgy breakfast at the school for a few minutes. I suspect OW will be spitting feathers when DC go on and on about their lovely holiday and "Mummy's friend".

Don't forget the mantra, tickets money passport condoms.

Your phone doesn't have a roaming facility so you would be unable to make or receive calls?

Your new life has somewhere to go. You have options and opportunities. Ex and OW haven't got so much going on in their lives because their future isn't looking so rosy. Ex is already thinking about lining up a replacement because OW isn't spending enough time cringing and fawning as the baby has replaced him in top spot. OW is frantic, wearing the false smile, eating less and wearing more make up in an effort to hang on to him.

She looked happy enough to be here when they parked up a few minutes ago

She was on your doorstep Onit. Of course she'd be sure to look happy.

She probably was pleased to be validated by him. but dreading a confrontation. She had to sit in the car & drive all that way to prove she exists. I would have gone & probably been very friendly to everyone as you know them, & stonewall the pair of them
Can you make sure she is not on the list of people authorised to collect DC?!

She probably was pleased to be validated by him. but dreading a confrontation. She had to sit in the car & drive all that way to prove she exists*

Yes.