I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

Dc finish at lunchtime on Fridays

I wondered if it was something like that. I’d heard some children only do half a day once a week.

This year I’ve already had to start paying for DS’s school lunch at £40 per month with no offer from lcb to contribute - have you asked him to contribute?

It's a shame your DD is upset. Perhaps she will tell her Dad she's upset about it. It seems so unfair to you and the DC.

Onit, some tips.

I'm not sure how different the law/system is in Scotland and therefore if it's relevant to you or not, but I am representing myself. I got a book from amazon which is recommended for litigants in person called family court without a lawyer by lucy reed. I am in an online group that supports each other through the court process, sent a dm and I will give you the details.

There is a unit of volunteers who can help with paperwork and taking notes, explaining what is happening based at the family court, perhaps something you can look into.

I know the feeling of coming out of court feeling battered, but having been in there both with a solicitor and without so far I can say that having a solicitor does not make much difference to that and costs so much more.

I'm sad to say the court does not exist to protect our interests or the dc's. It's a patriarchal system and it supports the likes of LCB and my narc father, not us. however much they bang on in the "best interests of the child".

I have found I have had much more of a say when speaking for myself, and the court officials (not been to a judge yet) have on a few occasions shut my father up when he's attempted to speak pointing out he has his representative to speak for him.

I agree that this time your lawyer wasn't much help. Maybe self representation will enable you to keep your savings... but that said, every time you find yourself in front of LCB you seem to crumble. So how that would work if you had to stand there & attack I let you decide.

I’m certain I couldn’t represent myself. Purely because I lose all motor function. I can equal him and even beat him over email but face to face, he wins.

I did not feel heard yesterday. But I doubt I’d have anything coherent to say if I had to stand up and speak for myself.
And no lawyer wouldn’t have made a difference to being handed the report on the day of the hearing.

Yes. The issue is what the report suggesteded, and it's late arrival. Even getting it on Friday would have allowed more time to process. Even then the issue will be the Recorder has spoken to all parties, including the DC and I think the Sheriff wil be inclined to go with it, even on a trial basis.

Hopefully you'll hear back from your lawyer soon. The Christmas situation is so obviously unfair that surely that can be addressed quickly.

Onit without the involvement of the judge and reporter how would you and LCB have worked out Christmas and New Year this year? How would it have worked out if your usual access routine was followed?

Christmas would’ve been split pretty evenly anyway. Think he had more last year because my term time doesn’t happen at Christmas (retail job ).
It would’ve been
Fri 21st LCB
Sat 22nd LCB }
Sun 23rd LCB
Xmas Eve home
Xmas day home
Boxing Day LCB
Thu 27th LCB
Fri 28th LCB
Sat 29th LCB } should be my weekend
Sun 30th LCB
Mon 31st LCB
The 1st LCB
Wed 2nd home
Thu 3rd home (I’ll be at work)
Fri 4th LCB
Sat 5th LCB
Sun 6th LCB
7th LCB back to school, home after.

Sorry posted too soon.
That’s what it’s going to look like

He would’ve been offered Tuesday to Thursday both weeks to cover my working days and would’ve had his 2 weekends at either end of the fortnights holiday.

And that’s not right either
Ignore those last 2 posts

He’d have had the first weekend. And idve has Christmas Eve and day. I’d have offered Boxing Day till the Friday when it would be my weekend till Monday. I’d have probably offered the 3rd to the evening of the 6th so they’d go back to school from here and have a more relaxed transition.
The sheriff has ordered him a week from Boxing Day to the 2nd inclusive of my weekend. But hasn’t stipulated the rest of the time is at home. So LCB will have all 3 weekends and I will have to work on at least one of the 4 days they’re at home.

Do you have any right to contest what the sheriff has ordered? It just seems such a very strange order with no benefit to the children.

Looking at the days set out, it doesn’t seem an equitable distribution for this year and what makes it worse is that LCB will no doubt expect this going forward every year.

Sorry

The sheriff has ordered him a week from Boxing Day to the 2nd inclusive of my weekend ...... The sheriff has given that as LCB's holiday quota, the rest is at yours surely ? LCB is just conveniently ignoring that the rules for the holidays are independent of the EOW rota

I think Mix may be right. You need to clarify. He , and you are assuming the weekend but thete is no reason to.

I am certain It is impossible that you only get 4 days of the Xmas holiday.

Thanks Onit, I needed it explained a bit more as I couldn’t work it all out.

I think you need clarification of the order. Would you approach the reporter for this or your solicitor?

I would take the Christmas holidays out, you have the first and last weekend and he has the week inbetween. Holidays do not fall under the normal EOW pattern - it then starts again.

Double check that with solicitor and tell him so. Christmas should be evenly split in two

Swapping weekends isn’t possible. I work the weekends the dc aren’t at home. My work won’t swap and certainly not during our peak weeks.

I asked my lawyer to clarify and he said as he wasn’t made aware, the sheriff wasn’t aware so it’s for lcb to decide if he wants to allow a change to the court ordered contact.
I didn’t inform my lawyer during the hearing or beforehand. I didn’t realise. It was so fast and I was so overwhelmed anyway. I didn’t think.
It’s not like I think the sheriff meant to order so much. He wasn’t aware the week ordered contained my weekend.
I’m sure if I’d told my lawyer, he’d have told the sheriff and it may or may not have made a difference. But I’ll never know and my lawyer says I can’t go back for clarity.
There’s nothing I can do about Christmas until the next hearing.

But isn't the next Hearing after Xmas? This is a strong argument in favour of you being disadvantaged by the late presentation of the report. Did the lawyer get back re that?

How will the DC feel about that time away with LCB?

He said that the other side had the same time to prepare as we did.

And the Christmas holiday was decided at the hearing by the sheriff.
I was my fault for not making my lawyer aware either before or during.

Ok. I wasn't sure if they had seen it sooner. What have DC said about it?

If this is about fighting you - let him have it. The thing is he is going to get bored with this - with all of that time he is going to realise what is means

The thing is I know he got the report sooner than me.
I saw it after the fact.
The lawyers were sent it at 11.30pm on Sunday night. Lcbs lawyer forwarded it to him and he sent her his notes in the middle of the night.
I was handed a copy by my lawyer at 10am and was called into court at 11am.
There was a bit of toing and froing with me and my lawyer but for a few minutes total speaking outside the witness waiting room.
I read the report but obviously wasn’t focussed enough to make notes. My lawyer advised I accept the recommendations as the sheriff would most likely concur.
Before going into the hearing I was very clear that I strongly disagreed with the overnight.
And that I had very valid reasons for not giving up Christmas Day.
I did not think the recommendation of lcb getting a week from then through.
I’m angry with myself for not doing that.
And I’m angry that my lawyer did not think it through on my behalf.