I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

I am guessing the Lawyer will charge for any letter,
I would send him a ultimate email on this , saying He went for the court order, he got the result. Too late to backtrack now. You will not be negotiating. Ever. He has proved that it is a one way street anyway.

He wants the feedback . He needs you to interact. The best way for you to take back control is to not engage. The court order is in place. No need to discuss it. If he has issues he can run them by his lawyer.

It's all on your side at the moment. You can do stuck record to your hearts content - "No, that's not in the order". Nothing he can do about that at the minute. Refrain from entering discussion with him about it, whether text, email or phone. There is no need.

Don't worry about the email from his lawyer. S/he is only acting under his instruction. The order is there to be followed. There is noting to discuss or argue about. He wanted it. He got it. Tough shit.

Next year will be different. It will be fantastic.

Keep going, onit. You're an amazing mummy.

I had an email this morning (9.30) saying dd has been ill most of the weekend.
I went to the gym this morning and accidentally left my phone behind. I was late so I didn’t come home for it.
When I got home I didn’t check my emails till just before 12.
They’re not due back till 4pm and I’ve replied to the email, texted and finally called to ask to speak to dd.
I’ve texted ds’s phone too but I’ve got no reply yet.

What do I do?
Realistically I know she’s ok but I want to speak to her.

I'd leave it now. You have left messages. If you have questions about her email them.

Are they not back at school yet? ( Scottish person question)

I agree Onit. Just leave it now. And please let yourself off the hook for not replying sooner than you did. You did nothing wrong.

Panic over.
She called me.
They were at the cinema.
She sounded ok.
Thanks for replying so quickly

She’s home.
Think it must’ve been something she ate. She seems fine.

That's good.

Did he try and give you grief for not getting in touch sooner? Can't help thinking he'll use the allowed delay against you.

I was thinking the same though it would appear that his timing was deliberate in order to enforce exactly that delay.
Or possibly to make me react with multiple calls, texts etc.
I got the email at 9.30.
Then they went to the cinema.
Even if I’d contacted him it’s likely they would’ve already been in the cinema.
I had to sit on my hands not to keep calling anyway and the worst thing about that is the reason why I didn’t keep calling; because I knew he’d use it.
I only wanted to talk to my sick dd and I stopped myself calling more than once because he could say I was harassing him.

Either way I look like a lunatic or a shit Mum.

You look and are neither.

I'm assuming your dcs don't have their own phones?

You did nothing wrong. In fact you did brilliantly. He messaged to fuck with your head given they immediately went to the pictures. He may well have used it to undermine you to the DC. Again, let your lawyer know.

Assuming school starts this week, so that's your opportunity to re establish their usual routine. And to talk about what is going on in an appropriate manner. Ignore ignore ignore all his fuckery.

I’m glad you’ve spoken to her and I’m glad she is ok. I’m also glad you didn’t call LCB a million times. You did exactly the right thing. If he or your DC needed you, they would have called you.

An email is a shitty way of letting you know about the situation and, as you have already recognized, it was timed to frustrate you. If they needed you either he or the children would have called you. This is just LCB trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t let him! You did exactly the right thing - respond as soon as you saw the message and not overreact.

Ah, yes. I do that. I over react.
He used to tell me that all the time.

Funnily enough I don’t think I do that anymore.

When I was with him I think it was a way to get some kind of validation.,

But it’s be at daft times like a spider in the bath.
I hardly reacted at all when my mum died. But I guess that was the point.

was she actually ever ill though ? as they went straight to the cinema seems hardly like she was really sick.
IMO This is just to get you anxious.
Sick fuck

As you worked out, he did solely for a reaction from you.

You didn't need to know she was ill, he could told you when he dropped them off that dd had been unwell over the weekend. After all you don't text, E mail every time one off your dc are ill do you.

This was just to send you into a tailspin about not being able to contact him after telling you dd was ill as a punishment because you didn't give into his demands just rollover and kept to HIS court order.

You are getting stronger while he is playing twatty games!

I don’t tell him everything that happens day to day, no.
Dd was sick, though I don’t doubt he’d lie about it. She wasn’t right for first day back today. Got dressed but in the end I kept her home.
She’s fine now though.
Just needed some time to recover (instead of going to the cinema eating popcorn and out for a pizza lunch less than 24hrs after last being sick), and possibly just needing some cuddles from her Mum.
She was pretty subdued and teary first thing because she really wanted to go but knew she wasn’t able to.

We’ve had a really nice morning. Watched a movie and done some colouring.
She’s still got a bit of a sore tummy but she’s doing maths and spelling stuff on the computer now. She’s much better and will be happy to go off to school tomorrow.

That sounds what she needed. Rest and recovery time quitly at home. If he had done that yesterday then she mahy have made it in this morning. And another reason for the current arrangements to be in place. Again, worth logging.

The reporter is coming here on Tuesday.
The dc will be here. It’s my weekend with the dc and it’s a working day for me so the house is likely to be lived in.

I had to phone him to confirm the time and I wish I’d asked more questions.
I said that the kids would be here, meaning to say I would’ve preferred to first speak without them present, but he said its ok. That depends on time etc but he might not speak to them.
He’d do that the next time he comes.

I’m sitting here sobbing.
I’m scared.
I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing and I can’t speak freely with the dc running around.
I guess that’s why they come to your house though.
I thought they’d talk to the dc in school because it’s a neutral kind of place.

Anyway I need to sort myself out and go collect my kids from school.

Onit is there no friends your kids could go to after school? That way you can talk properly without worrying about the kids being around?

You can always call back with questions. And ask if the DC need to be there, and if not they can maybe go to pals.

Try not to worry. It all went well in court, no reason to think it won't with the Recorder. Have you called the support services you have number for? Might be worth it.

You can prepare them & ask them to go & play cards, watch fav film in their bedroom ? have you got a garden ? offer bribe them with very favourite treat to let you talk to lady peace... explain its very very important
or indeed, get a friend to have them.
or just let them do their own thing... whatever you say will be the truth.
This is about them,

You have nothing to hide onit. He's coming to record your normal family life and so he can take as he finds.
You don't need to be nervous about this as you are doing a great job.

You can be angry that that utter knob is choosing to put you through this for no god reason mind.