I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

Good girl for sending - as I was reading and I saw sent it I said out loud good girl, hope you don't mind x

Be strong Onit, you have sent it. Good girl. Sending hugs.

Thanks everyone
I wouldn’t be here without you. I wouldn’t have gone to a lawyer in the first place. Or a counsellor.
I might have lost my dc.

I will never be able to explain the gratitude I feel and how blessed I am to have you at my back.

It’s 2 years since and I’m still here. But, more surprisingly, so are you .
I’m still learning. It’s a slow and painful process.
WA is a step I’ve tiptoed into but I need to jump. I know that.
I wonder at those of you like MrsP who must feel like they’re hitting their head off a wall telling me to go. I’m sorry. I do hear and I am listening it’s just another scary step to admitting what a fool I was and how real it all is.
And I still feel a fraud most of the time.

Well done Onit, hopefully the solicitor will understand the depth of the damage & pain
re "outing" my abuser, I have spoken, occasionally, to friends, they don't seem to understand. even this week, I mentioned "gas lighting", they had no notion of what it meant.
Sometimes, they smile & think I'm exaggerating
whereas I'd like validation & for someone to say "I understand"

another scary step to admitting what a fool I was and how real it all is.

No. You’re not a fool. You’re a nice woman who was preyed upon by a very sick man and used to his advantage.

Then when you started to get wise to him, and you’ve said you were having some kind of growth spurt, he knew he had to move on because his carefully cultivated cover was about to he blown. He knew he was losing control of you.

Don’t ever forget that the nastier we’re treated by these men the louder it is they’re actually saying ‘you can see right through me and when I look at you its like looking in a mirror and seeing the real me staring right back at me and I hate what I see.

Granted they may hate us for wisening up to them but the truth is that they hate themselves even more.

You are no fool. You are a brave and brilliant woman coming to terms with what has happened/ is happening to you.

No frustration at all . Just admiration on your journey.

You're not a fool. Not even a bit. You just had the bad luck to be married to a very manipulative and cruel man.

Look how far you've come. Look at what you've achieved. You should be so, so proud of yourself.

You are not a fool. One day, you will have the strength to look at him. Really look at him. You will look deep into his eyes and he will be the first to look away. He will then know that you see him for what he really is and you are no longer afraid.

This is just around the corner. KOKO.

I'm glad you sent it onit.
We are all still here cheering you on and believing in you.
And Mix-I understand. It's one of the hardest parts about all of our situations here-that other people don't fully believe what has happened. It helps to have others who have been through similar.

I have an appointment with my lawyer on Thursday afternoon.
He replied to my email this morning. Said I was right to raise these serious concerns but also right to be cautious about what gets said in court especially as I can’t prove anything.
He also said the other side would argue it’s irrelevant to contact which is what this case is about.

I hope that all the evidence I’ve produced, all the hours of work, are proof that I can’t sit back and let him take the dc away.
That this is the reason why. Not because he cheated on me. Not because I want to punish him for that.
I just want to protect my dc from him. In a way I didn’t when we were together.

I called WA this morning but there’s no one there except to take calls.
She said someone would call me back this afternoon.
I want to go in to talk to someone. The phone didn’t work last time. I ended up asking something really silly and hung up really quickly.
I’m still not sure what to say.
How do I get over the feeling that I don’t belong there?
And I’ve left it so late.
I’m in court next week.
I have the dc all week. No respite except for going to see my lawyer.
They probably can’t see me this week anyway.

My counsellor is sick today so I’ve missed my appointment.
I’m still not sure if the bf can come with me and I am really worried about who I’m going to come face to face with.

My mind is so jumbled.
I can’t even write a list without making a mess of it.

Shit.
Shit.
Shit.

That's great about seeing the lawyer and WA. Tell them you are anxious. The will understand. Maybe have your email to the lawyer in front of you. You can even just read it out to them. Make sure you let them know you are in court soon, and that you are only just coming to terms with it all. Well done again.

Onit, sit down with a cup of tea, & breathe.
He is NOT going to take the DC from you, he is actually asking for a couple of days extra. which he is unlikely to get.

The WA call back is just a woman, like you & I, who can reassure you, it's no big deal. You think you need to be battered ? but you were battered psychologically, it's the absolute truth. see if they can send someone with youth the hearing ?

Thurs is fine for the solicitor, he has your background work, he knows the scenario, what he must do, is counter LCB with insinuations that he is suing the DC's pawns to continue his emotional abuse of you. No one is going to agree that even more hours in the car is beneficial to the Dcs
He already sees them quasi half the time. He left, he set up with his Popsy & made a new child in minutes, he wasn't worried about the effect this would have on his DC for a minute.

Sorry re councillor, msg her & see if she can fit you in asap.

remember panicking is going to solve anything, worrying about the "what ifs" is torturing yourself
unecessarily

"with you"

"using", aaah sorry

"isn't" FGS

I agree, have your solicitor email in front of you, or write down some bullet points to help you keep focused. They're there to help you. They will understand that phone contact isn't always the easiest. You deserve their support as much as any other woman.

If your bf can't come is there someone else you can go with?

Try not to panic. In reality nothing is likely to change. He's just going to look like a massive idiot for putting everyone through this.

hopefully the solicitor will say, " I suggest you get on with your life & cease to bully Onit"

My counsellor will do a wee session on the phone as prep so that’s good.

I can’t shake the feeling of dread.
He lied in the writ and omitted other info.
I hope that will prove to the sheriff that he’s untrustworthy.
I wish I had all the text messages in a form they could be used.
They would illustrate the kind of man he is and how as a father he would put his cock before his dc.

The Solicitor won't say that. It is a hearing before a Sheriff simply to settle a contact dispute. The other stuff won't be seen as relevant unless it was an issue of the DC's safety. Or Onit's.

I think the Solicitor will draw attention to the pointlessness of it all given that current arrangements work in the interests of DC. I suspect the Sheriff will agree. Any pompous show offery by LCB will be seen as that hopefully.

Just caught up, onit. I've no words for that lcb. Just sending you good thoughts and telling you you are so, so strong.

WA called back with an appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I’m supposed to be meeting friends with our dc that day so I’m hoping I’ll be able to nip away for a bit without it being missed too much.

That's great news.

Great. Again maybe print out the email so you have it to hand on Wednesday. If you are struggling to speak you can show them it.

Onit I’ve followed your posts for 2 years & commented a couple of times under a different names. I live in a city close to you & found a walk in WA centre nearby.

I, like you, felt a bit of a fraud but was desperate so went & got seen straight away. The woman was so helpful. Validated my feelings & just made me feel justified. I ended my relationship.

The divorce is ongoing.... he nit picks over everything.

Anyway I am in awe of your strength. If you want details of the local service please let me know.

That's great news Onit.