Does anyone know any good resources on addiction/trauma bonding/codependency ?

[Wadingthroughshit]

Hi, I posted three days ago about my “relationship” so I won’t go into it too much.
I just wondered if people could share their experiences of leaving abusive relationships, being codependent or addicted to the intense highs and lows of the relationship? And if you knew of any good resources ? I have signed up for Kim Saeed, and looked into love addiction meetings (anlthough closed is 60 miles away).
We are no longer technically in the relationship anymore, however still text and he wants to keep me for sex...I know this relationship has completely eroded me, yet I cannot help reply/ long for/ache.

Wading don't beat yourself up, what's done is done. You've been in contact with him, but you haven't met up with him or had sex with him. It's all going to be ok! You know what you need to do - block him, then focus on your health, your kids and your exams. See your friends, talk to your counsellor, get out in the sunshine. Just try to do anything rather than sit around thinking about him. One day you'll wake up and you'll realise you actually feel happy and you've stopped caring about him. It does take time, but you will get there x

You are not a princess or a dick. You are just a woman who is perhaps a bit vulnerable and who has become addicted to an unhealthy relationship with an abusive arsehole.

If you read these boards you will see that you are not the first and sadly you won’t be the last.

You are exhausted because he’s sucking all your emotional energy. He’s a vampire, an expert at making sure he’s always uppermost in your thoughts. And not yourself or your kids.

No wonder you are tried, with your studies and your children. And do you work too?

I’m glad you have positive plans for this week and hope social services are able to offer you some support too.

Wading- just checking in to see how you’re doing x

Hello again everyone, please tell me how you are doing ? How was your weekend?

So I sent him a big “fuck you” message on Thursday, just stating some of the things he’s done, and then saying that although he knows I’m hurting, he doesn’t seem to care as long as his sexual needs are met....anyway he emailed, to say he was en route to hospital, that he was sick...and I felt AWFUL. It is not like me to send angry messages. I ended up driving to him the next evening. We went upstairs and he withheld sex because I had no confessions. Then we were both acting weird, I was defensive I guess. He then told me I was vindictive and dangerous, and he was “quite frankly worried, and I will no longer put myself in this situation, I want you to leave”. I was so shaken I went to see an old friend I hadn’t seen for a year who lives 20 minutes from my ex’s and sat shaking for an hour before driving home. Ten minutes after leaving ex’s house after he told me to get out (there was no argument) he told me to come back and watch a film, and that he was sorry. I was polite and just said ‘no thank you’ and didn’t pick up any of his calls. He then messaged me saying he was never going to contact again and was going to delete all messages and pictures. I’d had a lovely day with my bf that day and absolutely should not have driven through.

Following few days I’ve been an empty shell and cried a lot. He has contacted again, to tell me he’s horny.
This morning I’m going to a freedom meeting. Then on Friday my exams start!

Well done on the freedom meeting! I think it might help you to start to get to grips with things.
I think this kind of cycle is like being an addict, someone on another thread talked about intermittent reinforcement syndrome

I think you should look it up. Because part of you doesn’t want to let go of receiving the messages from him, otherwise you would simply block his number and all other ways of contact.

Have a think about why you haven’t managed to do that yet?

And good luck with the exams! Try just to concentrate on them for now

Hi wading just wondered how it's all going? Hope you're ok x

Hi there are a lot of good programs melanie toni Evans, lisa a romano, inner integration, spartan life coach are a few. Lisa melanie and inner integration are good spartan life coach is good but it really hits hard to listen to and do his program