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Original poster

New partner going on holiday with ex..

130 replies

nightowll · 02/04/2018 13:47

I’ve been seeing new partner just over 2 months, he’s been single just over 3 months so we started dating not long after him and his ex split. She ended things and he seems absolutely fine about it doesn’t want to get back with her etc.

Today he’s told me him and his ex and their dd are planning on booking a holiday abroad together. I’ve never met his dd and he’s already said it would be a long time before he introduced us both.

Would anyone else feel really uncomfortable about this? I know they haven’t been split long but surely it would be confusing for their child too.

OP posts:
HisBetterHalf · 02/04/2018 13:50

Are they going to book seperate rooms?

AnyFucker · 02/04/2018 13:52

Walk away now

Rainboho · 02/04/2018 13:53

It would be a dealbreaker for me. Not that there is anything wrong with it as such, and it is their choice, but it would be too messy for me to get involved in. Especially as he has already made it clear that his family life is separate to your relationship.

Bexter801 · 02/04/2018 13:53

Yes,I'd be 100% uncomfortable about this. Why do they all need to go on a holiday together? Seems nuts to me,I mean how regularly is that going to happen,for what reason. Even if he was still single,why on earth,would he be going on holidays with his exConfused

MissMary0fSweden · 02/04/2018 13:54

At two months in I'd be concerned that I was a bit player in their story. So I'd move on sharpish.

mindutopia · 02/04/2018 13:57

It sounds perfectly normal to me. My parents split when I was little but we went on holiday as a family every year until I was a teenager. It wasn’t confusing at all. It was just nice to be able to go away with both of them and have time with them. I think the issue sounds more like it’s yours. If they wanted to still be together they would be, but they aren’t. I think it sounds admirable that he’s so engaged in his dd’s life and his split was seemingly amicable and drama free. I think if it makes you uncomfortable, now is the time to get out before he does introduce you to his dd.

stitchglitched · 02/04/2018 13:58

Their breakup is very recent, they need time to establish how to be coparents, and still sound very emeshed (which I think is understandable after only being separated for 12 weeks tbh). I'd walk away and find someone who was better placed to start a new relationship.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/04/2018 13:58

I don't necessarily think this means that they'll get back together; or that anything will happen.

I do think it's a clear indication of how hard this is going to be from your position and perhaps an early warning indicator that it just won't work. They still want a family life.

I'd walk away. It's been two months and you got together much too soon after they split anyway; seeming fine about it doesn't mean he is.

Original poster
nightowll · 02/04/2018 13:58

I haven’t asked about separate rooms. But he told me he was the one who suggested it so neither of them miss out, he said it’s nothing to do with those two just so their dd can have both Mum and dad on holiday.

Im worried as he was the one that suggested it and she finished with him! He tells me she still texts him giving him grief about how he’s moved on so quickly etc, I really don’t think he wants to be with her but who knows!

OP posts:
BertieBeats · 02/04/2018 13:59

I found with my partner and his ex that they still wanted to keep things normal for the kids after they split. So ,partner would go round on occasions ,like birthdays , Christmas's etc...and spend the day there. They would do days out and booked a holiday together (didn't happen in the end due to a change of circumstances ). However ,once his ex met her partner he started feeling like the third wheel ,and then he met me so they both started doing stuff with the kids separately.
I know separated families that still do it many years on which I think is nice , but sometimes you'll find that you naturally grow apart as they get their own lives in order ,meet new people etc...

Personalsituations99 · 02/04/2018 13:59

I'd walk away tbh.
It's fine what they're doing to find their parenting style. But he should do this before starting a relationship and expecting a partner to be comfortable with it.

Tiredmum100 · 02/04/2018 14:00

One of my friends went through exactly the same thing. I think he went once or twice with his ex and dd but as the years went by they got more serious, she felt uncomfortable about it. He stopped then. They have recently got married. You need to tell him how you feel. On the plus side it's really good for their daughter getting on and the parents are friends.

Arapaima · 02/04/2018 14:00

I think it's a nice idea for their child (as long as they can co-parent effectively and send the right messages), but not good from your pov.

Josuk · 02/04/2018 14:01

OP - it’s still so early days - and 2 months in doesn’t really make him your partner. Just someone you are dating.
And it’s way way to early for you to make any demands on he spends his holidays and time with his child.

And him saying that it’ll take time to meet his daughter is how it’s suppsed to be. First one sees if the relationship works and only then start introducing the new person to the child.

I think in your mind you are way far ahead than he is in this relationship.
At only 3 months out he is really only starting to get used to the new circumstances.
As to how it is for his daughter - ta really between him and his ex. You aren’t part of this at this point.

Of course - you don’t have to like it. But it is what it is. When you get involved with someone new out of a relationship and with a small child - one needs to be patient and it’s not always smooth.

Oddcat · 02/04/2018 14:02

Too complicated, too messy , too much potential for you getting hurt .

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 02/04/2018 14:02

You'll get people saying its 'totally normal" and 'good for the kids' but I massively disagree. They're not a couple anymore, there's no need to holiday together. I know the relationship is new but you need to think...if you went on to have a child with this man would ypu still be OK with him holidaying with his ex, doubt it. I'd walk away

Original poster
nightowll · 02/04/2018 14:04

After dropping his dd back at his ex’s, he will see me and tell me all the things she’s come out with, she split with him but I feel like she still wants to be with him. The other week he came round saying she had asked if they could have another baby in the future if both were single, I think she’s being a massive flirt and is pissed off he’s seeing someone.

Not going to end well for me is itSad

OP posts:
MrsGorilla · 02/04/2018 14:04

That sounds v worrying. What’s the set up on the holiday, all in one apartment, different rooms?

Original poster
nightowll · 02/04/2018 14:06

As we haven’t been single eachother that long I don’t want to start asking too many questions about the the whole thing because I don’t want to push him away! He seems adamant he doesn’t want to be with her but you never know I suppose when they share a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowll · 02/04/2018 14:06

Seeing eachother not single!

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 02/04/2018 14:06

I get the United front for the child's sake,I totally agree with being amicable and spending time together,but a family holiday abroad is too much....there's really no need,and its not that long ago since they broke up,emotions still high,raw.

privateporcupine · 02/04/2018 14:06

My ex and I went on holiday with our DS when he was 4. We had split when he as tiny and remained friends. He had been seeing someone for about 6 weeks when we went, but we had booked the holiday before he started seeing her.

Nothing at all happened between us, we don’t holiday or socialise together anymore, they’re now married, and I’m glad our son has some holiday photos and memories of us being friends.

stitchglitched · 02/04/2018 14:07

Why did you think that someone 4 weeks out of a LTR with a child was a good prospect anyway?

thethoughtfox · 02/04/2018 14:08

RUN

MikeUniformMike · 02/04/2018 14:08

Walk away now. You have been with him 2 months. 3 months ago he was with his child's mother. He is on the rebound and you are almost certainly going to get hurt.

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