New partner going on holiday with ex..

[nightowll]

I’ve been seeing new partner just over 2 months, he’s been single just over 3 months so we started dating not long after him and his ex split. She ended things and he seems absolutely fine about it doesn’t want to get back with her etc.

Today he’s told me him and his ex and their dd are planning on booking a holiday abroad together. I’ve never met his dd and he’s already said it would be a long time before he introduced us both.

Would anyone else feel really uncomfortable about this? I know they haven’t been split long but surely it would be confusing for their child too.

Having been in a similar situation I would walk away now. He is still emotionally invested in his ex and she is very invested in him. Why is he even telling you what she is saying? The thing about having another baby? That's your cue to run. I wasted 11 months before I really saw the light, don't waste anymore time on this man.

I think he’s telling me things she’s saying in a sense of isn’t she unhinged! I will definitely be backing off slightly so I don’t get hurt. He says how he doesn’t want to be with her etc and how she’s always giving him grief when he’s fine with whatever she’s getting up to, but I suppose you just never know.

I think know he’s moved on she is jealous and desperate for any sort of attention from himS

I'd walk away. I once went on a date with a guy who told me he was going on holiday with his ex wife and kids. He was going to contact the hotel and book an extra room. I liked him and the date was going great but it was a total red flag for me and I never saw him again.

Don't get me wrong, this situation is great for the dcs. But not great for you. It's just not worth the anxiety it would bring.

When I split with my ex, I took my dcs on a couple of holidays and always thought 'should I invite ex'. Were both single but to me it was never right. We weren't together anymore and us going on family holidays wouldn't of done us any good.

It seems they are not completely ready to separate yet id say. Maybe they aren't together as a couple but they are still together as a family unit which is fine. Nothing wrong with that. But it's not fair to start seeing someone new and expect them to put up with it. In my opinion anyway.

There's another red flag right there: making out she's unhinged. She dumped him remember. Wonder why? Don't back off, end it. No good will come of this.

So unhinged that he can't get rid of her quickly enough, eh? So unhinged that he'll tolerate her for a whole week uninterrupted on holiday rather than losing a few 100 quid? He doesn't have to go on holiday with them to parent his child.

I think he’s telling me things she’s saying
in a sense of isn’t she unhinged

I bet he is. It’s called damage limitation.

I can’t say for definite but I get a very strong whiff that they’re still sleeping together, sorry OP.

Walk away

Any man who routinely tells their new partner horrible things about their ex is quite often times either a) not over it or b) the reason the ex is 'crazy' - I very much doubt if she was truly unhinged he'd be organising to go on holiday with her.

@nightowll my dhs ex is like this. I have a thread on here from as recent as yesterday and we've been together for 4 years. Take away the holiday thing and she sounds similar.

Has it got better over the 4 years? Nope. See my thread. She still thinks she's got some kind of hold over him even though we are married and have a baby on the way.

Did I think she would get better and move on? Absolutely. I wouldn't of walked away from him though. He was worth the hell that she's put us through.

Unfortunately there are ex's out there that just can't seem to let go and i feel she maybe one of them from what you have said.

The difference between this is that dh was definitely over her, they had been split up a year already. In this situation I don't think your dp is.

I would of done a runner if they were going on holiday together.

Ah yes another unhinged ex it’s funny how so much of the female population are crazy, psycho and unhinged lol and so many gullible woman swallow all this BS. Of course there are difficult ex’s but often there are frustrated, poorly treated people dealing with self absorbed male ex’s.

Do you think him suggesting the holiday means he’s not over her and maybe even want to get back with her? all of you are right I don’t know why I rushed into seeing him

Why is he going round for cups of tea on a bank holiday if she is so crazy?

This is a woman who's been in a serious relationship, which SHE has ended for reasons not him, trying to look after a young child and cope with the breakdown of her family.

Do you really think she is then unhinged for being upset/hurt that her partner of years, who she was likely expecting to spend the rest of her life as a family with when they had their daughter, is sleeping with some new woman after 4 weeks?

He's not over her even if he thinks he is. Being with you is a distraction from the reality of the pain of separating from his ex and child.
If you did stay together, meeting so soon after the separation, you'll get the blame when he does realise what he's lost, and the ex will always feel resentful of you. Not a good start to a relationship.

Just end it. Maybe tell him if they are still split in a year, to give you a call. If he doesn't get back with ex he needs to be single for a while.

@BubblesAndSquarks if she ended it, she shouldn't be upset for him meeting someone new. Is he supposed to just stay single for the rest of his life even though he got dumped? You can't blame him for seeing someone else.

However @nightowll yes I think maybe he isn't 100% over her tbh. New relationships are ment to be fun, exciting, only have eyes for each other, constantly texting calling each other, giving each other butterflies etc.... Not suggesting and booking a holiday with your ex. I would leave them to get on with it. It's not worth the heart break it would cause you.

These situations often happen but it's usually when one side is not over the other. They can get a little bit needy/psycho like, whatever you want to call it. It's up to the other person (your dp) to set them straight as harsh as it sounds. No contact unless it's about dcs. It doesn't look like he's doing that unfortunately.

I'm only saying this when one person isn't over the other. If you have ended on friendly terms then that's great.

No. Way.

Which guy is this? 7 days ago you were posting about possibly getting back together with your ex and about 10 days ago you'd been on about 3 dates with a new guy.

Stitch seriously? I'm getting fed up of posters being less than consistent. Did you point out some discrepancies on another thread too?

@stitchglitched just seen this also....something doesn't add up here Mumsnetters.

Yes it's tedious. The thread about getting back together with the ex sounds like a reverse of this one. Now trying to work out if OP is actually the new girlfriend or the ex!

Stitch just found the two previous posts. Seeing new guy for 3 dates but chatting for 6 weeks then a few days later she's saying about getting back together with her ex. I don't this it's his ex gf who is the unhinged one.

*I don’t think she realises how serious we are
*

Nightowll have you got three different on the go as you've got 3 different situations on the go according to your threads??

I can't figure it out either. Neither makes sense to me if they are the ex or the new gf. Unless op is actually the bloke in all this which I highly doubt. It's honestly so frustrating when you spend time trying to actually help people and give advice when the whole situation is completely bollocks in the first place. I only tend to give advice on the relationship ones (have a lot of experience in that area unfortunately) but I don't think I'll bother from now on. Could at least name change like most do!

What's happening Op ?