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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

999 replies

Belonger · 02/04/2018 12:42

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

OP posts:
Thread gallery
34
Basseting · 06/04/2018 14:01

Day 26(contact)/64(see/speak). so far... CROWN ON!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 06/04/2018 15:18

Rhubarb well done on Day 22. I'm on Day one 19 and finding it incredibly tough.

LiteraryDevil · 06/04/2018 15:23

Hi everyone, hope you're hanging in there.

I'm going away tomorrow on 'our' anniversary weekend away but feeling fine about it. I'm actually going to be more bothered that the train journey is the same one I used to make to LO's dad's back when I was seeing him. That makes me really sad and angry when I think about that situation but I'm still going to enjoy my trip and our adventure. Am just trying to get stuff together whilst LO naps.

Friday cocktails all round x

Basseting · 06/04/2018 15:28

NK ((())))
What would you like to drink? / nibble?
(starts cocktail hour before Afternoon Tea stops being served :)

Rhubarbginn · 06/04/2018 16:09

Wonder why it’s so tough today. Why are you struggling nk?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 06/04/2018 18:23

Another daquiri please Basetting. The one you made me yesterday was yum.

I've no idea Rhubarb. I feel bereft.

Rhubarbginn · 06/04/2018 18:45

Are you bereft because of nc? Or because of other things?

101trees · 06/04/2018 19:26

Hi there

I've occasionally posted on here before but failed miserably.

Been seeing someone 2.5 years who has never committed and blows hot and cold.

I've tried various times to end it to no avail, he blows hot and cold.

I just really need it to stick this time. I'm day 3. Can't go totally NC, just need to do only practical contact.

Any handholding or advice much appreciated. My brain is my enemy right now.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 06/04/2018 20:45

Because of NC Rhubarb

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 06/04/2018 20:46

Welcome 101trees

LiteraryDevil · 06/04/2018 20:49

Ah the cocktails are flowing nicely this fine Friday night. Cheers everyone!

I've turned a bit of a mental corner tonight. I've thought a fair bit the last couple of days about all the good times we had together and found that a little bittersweet. Happy yet sad kind of thing. But tonight whenever I think of him and our times together I'm able to see the holes in things and my mental voice says, "Nope, you're worth better than that. You deserve more even if you did have a good time. It's not enough that he didn't truly love you, and it's not acceptable the things he used to say and do or not do." Remembering happy times I also remember the little niggles, the things I glossed over because the overall experience was good. And then of course around Christmas the bad outweighed the good.

So, for all the memories have caused a little sadness, I have been able to look at them without the rose tinted glasses and feel much better.

I'm happy I ended it, I'm happy to be single and I'm happy with who I am and know that I deserve much better, and am happy to pursue that rather than settle for less than what is right for me.

Rhubarbginn · 06/04/2018 22:33

Simple question. Why do you think we don’t heal in a straight line. How can we feel fine about something one day and the next bereft. When there has been no change in circumstances at all.

OldBook · 07/04/2018 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tictactic · 07/04/2018 10:49

Good morning all. I haven't kept up with the thread the past few days. I'm away with ds. Being busy and in a new place is certainly a distraction. I've made progress in that I've deleted all messages from NC.
How do you come to peace with questions that will never be answered? For me my self esteem has taken a hit and I feel it's because I'm not good enough for him. I don't understand how he could do such a u turn in a short space of time. Planning for the rest of the year, me changing plans to accommodate, then dumping me by text..

101trees · 07/04/2018 11:17

Thanks NK!

Reading the thread has been really helpful.

I spent last night desperately reading baggage reclaim. It's a lot to take in!

Hope you're all doing ok today x

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/04/2018 12:40

101 baggage reclaim is great. I think she is ace. I'm good today, far far better than yesterday.

Tictac well done on deleting all the messages. I did that too

Rhubarb how are you today?

Well Day 20 for me. Day 30 is the real milestone for me as that's when he contacted me the last time so it's the longest I've done. I've a feeling he won't be contacting me again. Just a feeling in my gut so I must move on

Rhubarbginn · 07/04/2018 13:23

Doing ok today nk. Day 23.
32 is my milestone. It feels different this time too. Last time was a planned break, whereas this time we just haven’t messaged.
How do you feel about your nc?

Dimael · 07/04/2018 18:06

Day 6 and completely breaking down. Please help me move on. I want to talk to him so much but it’s not a good idea. He hasn’t contacted me either in this time and that is horrible too.
I need to remind myself why he was no good for me so I will tell you because my friends and family have had enough of me.

  1. He cheated on me with a woman 20 years older than me.
  2. He would disappear for days on end and I would think he would be up to no good again.
  3. I always had to apologise as I was always wrong.
  4. His friends came first.

Arghhhh but I love him and I am so alone.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/04/2018 19:04

You'll reach your milestone the day before me Rhubarb. We'll do this together.

I've had a busy day so have not had much time to think of him. What about You?

Dimael nothing you've said about him makes me think he is good for you. If that was a friend what would you say to them?

Dimael · 07/04/2018 19:14

@NK I would tell anyone friend or not to leave and be glad he is gone! In such a vulnerable place that I can’t see wood for the trees! I only see the space in my life where he once was.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/04/2018 19:24

Well there's your answer Dimael. Treat yourself exactly how you would want a friend to be treated. He has no place in your life.

user1493423934 · 08/04/2018 10:57

Hi everyone! just checking in. Dimael having that list is handy - I have a similar one when I think of wanting to get back. YY also to flip the situation over if it was a friend going through the same thing.
Also been reading baggage reclaim, and have introduced it to a facebook group I'm on . . . very helpful!

ThePartingLass · 08/04/2018 11:53

Feeling sick.

He's still coming up on my newsfeed despite being blocked. (He doesn't post stuff, but gets tagged) It seems that when other people are tagged who I'm friends with the post will still show. I thought that by blocking him I wouldn't see a thing. We have 40-odd mutual friends. Can't delete / unfollow them all Sad. Bloody hell, fb really is a special form of torture.

mermaidsandunicorns · 08/04/2018 15:20

thepartinglass this is why I binned fb I just couldn't cope with it. I find it a very negative space anyway.

NC asked if he could call on fri to discuss things - he never called which just pissed me off so that's it for me

Dimael · 08/04/2018 18:42

@user1493423934 I know! I started extending my list - 16 points now hahahahaha!! Will have a look at baggage claim!

@thepartinglass I have mutual friends on Facebook with my ex and they still see him and are mainly supporting him. I didn’t want to make things worse with my friends by deleting him so now I have woken up to a like from him on a photo! Plus he was liking posts on my running app of which the only follower/followee is myself so I know he is only looking on there to check up on me when he isn’t running himself! Nightmare because it gets you thinking about him and wondering if he will contact you.

@mermaidsandunicorns what an absolute idiot! Making you wait for a call. Not nice behaviour!