NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Fluffy- enjoy your nice evening, and I hope tomorrow you enjoy lunch and cinema.

Right about the waves of feelings. I ended up having a cry today. Because I desperately want to talk to him. I put his number in my phone. I checked his what's app. He was like online at 4. I'm sup upset and disappointed in myself and in him.

Don't check it!! You've got this!! Don't let yourself down, don't give in.

Sorry you're feeling so meh, baby kicking had cheered me up a little so I'll send you some positive baby happiness to all of you 😂👶🏽

Hope everyone's doing ok!!

I just want to to say thanks as well, for the advice and replying to me... I know I joined this thread late but it's nice to have you guys to kind of have a response from.... so I appreciate it

@popsjjk thank you too! Enjoy those baby kicks, I miss them!
I think I would really struggle without you lot! My friends are great but all happily married so think ‘he’s not worth it’ is enough! They don’t get that it’s so hard to have something you thought was so great pulled from under you and that involuntary craziness you feel about wanting to speak to them!

@popsjjk @fluffy emotions come in waves, hey do for a while but the waves become less. Sometimes you are good for a while and then a big wave hits. You learn to swim. Enjoy the baby kicks and keep planning for baby’s arrival. How far gone are you?

Hey guys, hope you're all having a good Saturday. As you say Pineapple the weekends are hardest for me, especially Saturday nights as I'm home alone (single parent) and I would usually see him those nights.
Today has been a good day for the most part. I have been really busy so there were times when I didn't think of him at all and that was great. However, this evening has been tough. I wanted to unblock him at one point, but I realise how pointless that is. I am done. Also, he wouldn't message anyway, i'm certain he's deleted me from his contacts.

I'm still so hurt he sent me a 'wish you all the best' as a last message to me after everything I thought we had together. It sounded like some message you'd put in a card to a colleague you didn't know that well that was leaving your workplace or something. Not what you'd say to someone you'd had an intense half a year passionate thing with. But I guess he didn't see it the same way I did.

I just want to know he's missing me, but the reality is, he'll be messaging other girls and either out or with his number 1 sidekick, his female 'best friend.'

I don't actually want him back any more, I just want him to want me. Oh and I miss the sex. lol.

I know he is out with people that aren’t his true friends! I want to know he’s missing me, last week he told me he was then ended it again!!! Aaaarrrgggghhh I wish I wasn’t such am emotional wreck! X

I've not even wondered what he's doing this weekend. The other day I randomly remembered he flies somewhere monthly for work. I'd forgotten that part of his life which made me realise how unimportant he now is to me. I know having 3 children helps as I'm always busy so I don't have time to sit and dwell on him.

I've focused my thinking on what went wrong and looked at all the red flags that seemed insignificant on their own but when put together were like a May Day fête. I've name changed a few times and put different scenario threads (all actually happened, I didn't make them up) on here where his behaviour has made me go The responses really highlighted how wrong things were and how he was abusive. Occasionally I still post a thread as part of working through things. It's helped massively and I recommend it. Just change your name. I don't have people to take to in real life about things and they all thought he was great so having the experience and opinions of a wide section of society has been much appreciated.

Tomorrow is due to be s sunny day and we are yet again off to the garden centre, anc also going to make shortbread. Today we went school shoe shopping and tonight we delivered Labour leaflets for the local elections. I've recently got involved in local politics and am loving it. My children loved our after dinner walk to deliver them and are gaining some basic knowledge of politics along the way. Busy is good!

Hope everyone has survived the day and has something nice planned for tomorrow.

For those desperate to contact: don't do it! You'll only look exactly that- desperate Keep strong!

Dimael - I'm 28 weeks now, so it's getting more and and more real.

Fluffy - I want him to be thinking and missing me too, you're not alone on that front, but like the others say, the linger you go... the less you'll think that way. I guess there right... just getting to that stage seems like a horrible process.

Meow - I'd be hurt with a response like that, but that response is just him giving up and not be fussed. You needed that, it hurts but least you know that he's not worthy.

Literary - I look forward to the day he doesn't cross my mind for a whole day, or I can get through the weekend without thinking who's he with or what's he doing?
Glad you and the kids had fun though :)

Hope you all good through your Saturday and enjoy a nice Sunday guys xx

good morning all.
@Dimeal. thank you. I love the quote and wish I did gave the courage and money!!
my ex husband was emotionally cruel. he said no-one would care and that I'd end up alone. 9 years since divorce and I am alone. I've tried to trust but think I'm damaged goods now. meanwhile he has settled with someone older than him and 15 years older than me
I have a lovely decorated room now.
I feel like I'm slowly moving on. I got through last night knowing he'd be at the works do I was supposed to be at.

Hi all. I just wanted to pop in and offer moral support. You can do it! Keep going. I am 6 weeks NC today and honestly it transforms from raw pain to dull throb. I'm still thinking of him a lot but there is no way I'd break NC now and I hope he doesn't either (well my ego hopes he does but my head hopes he doesn't!)

Excellent NK!

Well done NK

I'm struggling today. Over thinking. Questioning everything, re-living everything, over analysing. It's painful.

He's not even worth it so why can't I just shake him off. I doubt he's agonising over me.

I've had sad songs on repeat, I know I shouldn't but just felt like wallowing a bit today.

Trying to get a million things done that I should have got done months ago and haven't. My house is a mess too. Just feel so drained though, fed up of even caring any more. I can't wait for the day I don't care any more x

Seems like this weekend, everyone's (including me) on a bit of downer

We know we're all worth so much more than how they've treated us! We just need to keep focusing on that. We are each worth more, and eventually we will all be ok with it and it won't be so hard

I'm trying to get back into OLD but that's also depressing. Every guy is sexual or has no chat. That was the problem I clicked with my NC, we had such good chats etc. But then I need to remember he's an absolute idiot and he was pretending to be what I wanted.

Hmmm...well I hope we can all keep busy, will no doubt be on here posting tonight as that's the worst time that i'll be thinking about him. I can't believe I'm wasting my thoughts on someone who doesn't think about me.

I hope you don't mind me dropping in. I've been through what you're all going through (years ago). A friend showed me this poem and I stuck it up on the bathroom mirror. It helped me realise that loving myself was the answer. Good luck everybody.

LOVE AFTER LOVE

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

Sending lots of love to you all! Am feeling very weak at the mo, DS knows and has cried which obv made me cry! We are off to meet friends and have maybe have dinner out. Hope you are all doing well will need a post NC meet up at this rate!

@tictactic at school I was relentlessly bullied and told that I also would not find love and would die a virgin. Well it’s not true, I found love twice and as for the other part 😂 I am sure you will move on in time. My ex cheated on my with a woman 20 years older than me and that hurt a lot but you know I have rationalised it now - he is desperate and takes the easy option. Where I do not lower my standards and often take the most difficult path. I know who I would rather be.

4 weeks today that I haven’t contacted him. It has been difficult today because my friend called me to tell me my NC is not in a good way and at 37 years old is staying at his mothers. I feel upset to hear that he is in this way. Knowing he hurts too makes me feel like reaching out but I will not break. If you can all do it I can!

Guys this was my life....this video has brought some laughs today and reminded me why I'm NC...keeping me a secret, his phone going off, buying me flowers...everything I can relate to minus the dog sadly. So funny.

@Dimeal. thanks for your insight. I know you are right. I'm not one to rush into anything. I'm self sufficient, own my own home, am relatively fit, independent, love travelling and although not in a job I ever envisaged, it allowed me to bring up my ds due to the flexibity. I need more though. 5 weeks since I saw my NC. as it was short lived, we have no mutual friends and live an hour apart. I'll never see him again. I was looking through his pics today and still feel a connection. very odd.
@Dimeal. what happened with your 'best mate' and him? detach. don't contact, he's moody and just not good enough for you. this may sound bad, but going to his mothers?!

@tictactoc like I said connections from 1 week flings can be stronger than 10 years it is just down to intensity. And from what I gather he it was very intense from him.
My friend started reaching out to me and talking normally and said cancelling the holiday was silly so just seeing how it goes there now. I honestly think he has depression and I think I got close to making him talk about it on so many occasions and that’s when he would pull back. Yes that’s not good for me and I know it. I think my friend just wants the 4 of us back out together and I understand her point of view. Even if it is never happening.

Day 11 for me and I feel anxious, depressed and very very alone. I hope it’s this week when I start to feel better

Day 5 for me, although I blocked him and stopped talking to him 2 weeks ago. However 6 days ago I had to give him a reason why I'd done it (because clearly he didn't understand he'd treated me so badly.)

I think weekends are always going to be hard aren't they. Especially when they aren't filled with things to do. Next weekend will be worse for me as I don't have my kids, so need to fill it with fun things. The week will be easier as I have work I guess.

Still so up and done, but watching that video I posted in my last message has actually shown me my exact relationship with NC. It was just sofa or his bed, never dates. I realise I've dodged a bullet. I want him to miss me right now but if he were to message me and even told me he missed me and had changed and wanted me, I'd actually tell him where to go now!

I wish I felt like that meow

I have been asked out next week, he seems nice and could be a great distraction, worried it’s too soon, but he knows the deal and is happy to go with the flow! Not sure though...

Can I join? Seperated from husband 9 months ago after he had an ea. Spent this time living apart. Seeing each other talking about working things out. Him making promises, breaking them, gaslighting me, making me think we might have a chance. Today I woke up and thought no more. I want to be happy and he makes me miserable. I want to go NC. Kids are old enough to make their own arrangements. I have to make that break before he sucks me in again. So tomorrow is day 1. I’ve already turned down an offer to meet up with him to discuss things. I need to be strong.