NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Dimael I'm the same. It bruises your ego when a guy who wanted you moves on, even if you don't want them. There's a guy who's asked me out several times that I am just not into. Then recently he's posted pics of him with some beautiful girl, and I am like hmmm should I have given him a chance. Then I remember I don't even fancy him, but it's a bit of an attention thing, and again a bit like 'now am I not good enough' - which is ridiculous!!! Maybe even the worry that we've missed out on a good thing. Haha, funny how our minds work isn't it!!!

@fluffy We have a proper club!! Loving it!

@pineappleeyes yes the reason him being completely negative and a wuss. I would have had to be the tough one and that’s not what I am looking for!

@meowimacat yes!! The mind is a funny thing! He would only be a rebound and it wouldn’t be healthy and so I made the right call initially. I should trust my gut instincts more. My mum said i’d have jumped at the chance to date him if he was right for me. I didn’t do next?

I don't think my guy will miss me though. He's emotionally unavailable, and from the research I've done they never have enough feelings to miss someone. He'll miss the sex and having someone who came running to him, but not me. I think that's what hurts the most. :(

Dimael your mum is wise with what she says. It's so true, you would have jumped at it if you were into him. It also shows that you are listening to yourself more that you didn't. Don't want to waste any more time on the wrong men

@dimael the middle one of yours is just how I feel..

Yes..when they move on to someone else it's a real kick in the teeth. I'm pretty sure my NC is OLD

My NC wanted me so badly when he was unavailable. He wouldn't leave me alone, showered me with compliments, 100s of texts a day. I refused to get involved as he had a partner. Now he's single....he doesn't want me. That's hard to get my head around.

@meowimacat I trusted my gut until the last minute when jitters set in!
With what you say about your ex, time will go on and ok now he won’t miss you but he will repeat this situation time and time again. You won’t be the only woman to be treated like this by him and you have made a lucky escape. He will be the one all alone in the end. Not you!

@fluffyflump the temptation early days is strong but that fades out. I don’t expect anything now and I don’t think up things I could say.

@pineappleeyes they love the chase don’t they then they get bored and move on. Men are from mars!!!

@dimael the middle of of your photos is me lol. I'm always wanting to message

How you guys feeling today??

I was reading through and everything you guys say and how you feel it's just like it clicks. It's mad how it's all pretty much the same feelings.

Hurt
Anger
Self doubt
Desperately wanting someone
Impatience
Annoyance

Today is 3 weeks. That he hasn't messaged me. This is week number 3 for him. It's only week 2 for me on Monday.

I'm so annoyed and angry this morning. I have work today, but I'm not busy enough to keep my mind occupied. I can't get my head around it.

The silence is good and bad.
Good because - the more silence I get the more it makes me realise just how much of a bastard he is, and how's he's not worth my time, love or effort.
Bad - because of how it makes me feel. I feel so awful. I'm hardly good enough, the fact I'm pregnant and I couldn't keep the father around. ( i know that's not even my issue it's his) but you feel likes it all your fault.

*I'm sorry guys. I'm on a complete bummer, and pity train this morning.

I won't message though!!!
I fucking won't!*

Popsjjx I am so proud of you for being strong. I can’t even imagine being pregnant and going through this as emotions must be heightened even more. Makes me sad to think I’ll be at the 3 week mark one day soon, but I don’t know why as he’s not even worth my time.

I read this this morning and it gave me some power. The way this woman writes really gets to me and helps postmalesyndrome.com/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-over-a-breakup/

Best of luck, ladies . I was on Day 66 or thereabouts of NC by the time I ran into mine . He ignored me because I was sitting with another guy ( what he wanted me to go on and do in life ) so I went and talked to him . We live in a small town and it is too stressful to act like children ignoring each other - it was prolonging it for me . The days of NC DO make a difference . They start to recede and then you look at them differently . He was babbling in front of my eyes - nervous I guess . I was ready for that meeting . I did realise that it was indeed over .Time IS what is needed , best of luck everyone !

My end goal quote! Feel a bit rubbish today, but my resolve is hopefully stronger! We can and will do this..

good morning all. I haven't been keeping up with the thread lately but still very grateful we have it as it has helped me so much, especially in the earlier days. 5 weeks since I last saw him. just over 3 weeks since last text. I have a decorating project now
I'm still feeling low on/off. was supposed to be going to a works do with him tonight I wonder if he's thinking about me at all? feeling lonely!
Keep strong all.

Muddle - thanks it's just taking it day by day I suppose. I woke up feeling a need and urge to contact him. Just so he knows I'm still around, but then I stop myself. I don't want to set myself back, he knows I've wanted to talk. He's chosen not too. I don't feel strong. Every time I've thought about him today, I haven't felt upset. I've felt annoyed with myself for letting him take that space.

You think about the 3 week mark and think about him because as much as you know he's not worth your time, you're still going to question why he's allowed it to be so long. It's a shitty feeling.
It's a circle ⭕️ you know he's no good, but you still wonder why he hasn't said anything. It's getting the point you think.
Fuck it! I'm ok. - I can't wait for that.

Thinkingofaname - well done!! If I saw mine now - (I haven't seen him in human face to face form since November) I think I'd break down and scream and cry.
Least you were the bigger person, and still had the respect to speak and be civil. Some people lack that.

Fluffy - this is the goal! I want that goal! And I'm here you with guys!! Deffo get through this together!! #support

You lot honestly make me realise that I'll be able to get through it, sometimes you do feel like it's just you doing it, but threads like this make you realise there is support!! Xx

Tictac - well done for keeping so busy!! You're doing good!!

Get out and make plans for this evening, hen you're not worried or thinking about works do, wondering if he's wondering!

If you need distraction, we're all here ❤️

Weekends are hardest I think. I arent sure about you guys but I seem to think of him even more at weekends.

Every hour you do is progress. A few months ago I was driving to work & realised I hadn't thought about my NC for a while...He wasn't permanently in my thoughts. I smiled to myself & felt amazing. I didn't feel angry, sad or bitter. I genuinely hoped he'd be ok & happy. I want to be at that place again. Still no reply from him.so I've concluded that he's a using tw4t who doesn't deserve me. I'm feeling strong today but that could all change.

Pops...keep going you're doing great. Don't contact him x

@tictactic stay busy tonight - make sure you distract yourself. You are stronger than you know and he will think about you, you don’t just stop.

Pineapple - yeah, everyday it's easier.

Tictac - dimael is right. Keep busy. Keep occupied, that's what I'm trying to do now I've just finished work

@Dimeal and @pop. thank you. I haven't stopped. just had a breakdown this afternoon again. cried. I'm now thinking it's not even about him anymore but about my life and feeling trapped. I don't think I was enough for him. feel like I want to pack my life up and move. I'm not sure he'll be thinking of me. he may even be taking someone else. quite a few men have done 'a number' in me now and I'm really wondering what I'm doing wrong.

Fluffy I'm there with not missing him I do sometimes but now very rare. 9 weeks tomorrow since I last saw him. 6 days NC but really not arsed and after that message I sent I know I can never contact him again as I'm fine with that. I know he'll also never contact me. I blocked then deleted his numbers when I finished with him but took longer on social media.
I actually feel more for my ex fwb than I do for NC but then I was madly in love with fwb and after a year I still have feelings but no intention of acting on them as I know he's no good for me. Unfortunately he's my NDN so has been very tough. We are still friends and I will always love him but I'm no longer in love with him.

Keep strong everyone

@tictactic i’m the same, I don’t know how I attract these men. All I can say is nothing you can do can make a good man turn that bad, so he must have been bad from the start. So I guess we need to show more caution from the start? And if he takes someone else more fool her!! She only has what you experienced waiting for her! From the person I have got to know on here, you deserve better and I really hope you find it. I often wonder what is wrong with me too, what did I do and why am I this way. It can’t be all me though surely so don’t blame yourself!

For you @tictactic

I am really stuggling tonight. I have removed the pictures from the house and put them in ‘the box’, I stopped myself from reading the cards he has sent me about how he loves me with all his heart. I just don’t understand, I am pleased to report that I haven’t checked his WhatsApp ( not ready to clock him yet) but I just feel so desperately sad and alone! Hope you are all being strong and determined! X

Fluffy- can you delete his number so you can't see his WhatsApp?
Have you got any plans for tonight to distract you??

I am snuggled up with my DC watching Saturday night rubbish, we are up early tomorrow for early cinema and lunch out! Busy is the way forward, but this sinking feeling comes in waves and currently the waves are very choppy!!! I miss him so much, but I do deserve better and I will get through this, but why oh why is it so hard! to you all!! X