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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

999 replies

Belonger · 02/04/2018 12:42

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

OP posts:
Thread gallery
34
Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 14:34

Ridiculously soignore. Don’t let him make you start again. That would be 6 precious days lost

LiteraryDevil · 23/04/2018 14:41

I repeat: block and delete.

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 14:43

Thanks. Of course it's started the usual cycle of wondering "But WHY has he bothered to send that?"

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 15:11

Ego perhaps?

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 15:32

Ego as in he wants me to reply to it? I must stop over analysing I do know.

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 16:02

Yes, he wants you to reply to feed his ego. Don’t lose those 6 days

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 16:21

I won't reply Iwould, thank you for the sense. I know you are right, but wouldn't it be more conducive to getting a reply to me to actually ask me a question, rather than just a congratulatory line (well done on ....)?

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 16:22

To getting a reply from me, I meant to say.

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 16:24

There is some definite over analysing going on there Ridiculouslyso

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 16:33

Grin yes indeed, time to focus on something else!

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 19:51

I need help to not text! As I feel so much better, I want to send a text to say i’m cool about everything

LiteraryDevil · 23/04/2018 20:07

Block and delete. If you haven't got their number you can't text them. If you've blocked them they can't text you. Simple yet effective. Contacting them or allowing yourself to be contacted just feeds their ego and makes you look indecisive and weak. Sure, have a final say like I did but then block and delete. I feeds our own egos and need to be loved to see Facebook or other social media likes etc, or to get a message or look at their profile. And then you realise how pathetic that is and prevent it from happening with yes you got it: block and delete! Grin

Dimael · 23/04/2018 20:12

I found that the no contact process restarts even by receiving a message or social media like from your NC. The best thing to do is remove from your life completely. The oh he messaged me gets your thoughts messed up it doesn’t help you move on. Either don’t respond like I did until they get bored and any form of contact stops or block and delete like said by others. You need to be selfish and put your feelings first.

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 21:00

I don’t if I’m ready to block yet. Is that weak? I’m not checking whatsapp or sm but want to keep my final blast option open.

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 21:04

I am really struggling tonight not to text

LiteraryDevil · 23/04/2018 21:04

Dimael exactly. It's like tough love for yourself.
I'm feeling good today after sending that message last night. I know it's completely the end of having him in my life in any shape or form except as a memory and I will remember our time together and our adventures fondly because they were good times. Holidays I wouldn't have had if it weren't for him. Trips out I couldn't have done by myself. I loved those days. But he was not a man who was good underneath all those good times. He was exactly like I said in my message to him and I really hope that message both hurt and angered him. I want him to sit up and sort his shit out before he destroys his kids' happiness with his misery and lack of boundaries or discipline because he can't stand to be blamed for anything or take any responsibility. He's hurt and angered me and I have no qualms in sending that message as I truly believe he needed to hear those words.

Ridiculouslyso · 23/04/2018 21:11

Iwould I can't block yet on the one SM site left, everything else is blocked and deleted. There are a thousand reasons why I should but just can't right now. Don't text, think how a reply or non reply will set you back.

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 23/04/2018 21:21

Thanks rid I Need to push through

Tictactic · 23/04/2018 21:32

Haven't been on the thread for a few days.
Had a quick scan through. In the early days no contact is so hard. I'm now nearly 5 weeks since seeing him and nearly 3 weeks since last message. I have really made progress. Easter weekend I was wiped out. Hardly moved from bed.
I just feel a bit of an idiot now. I should have got involved Sad think I was taken on a ride but it seemed so genuine. It felt so right, real and amazing.ill also never see him again but I think I'll remember him and the experience forever.
How are you doing @Dimeal?

Tictactic · 23/04/2018 21:33

Is it a good thing it has happened? Or will no-one else ever live up to that experience?

meowimacat · 23/04/2018 22:40

Ridiculouslyso This is what I do, overthink everything. I think him congratulating you was just him trying to remind you he exists in the hope you'll reach out to him. I need to read through this thread but if he's used to you contacting him, he may expect a response. I'd leave it. It's not like he asked you a question etc. Plus if you really want him to miss you, you should maintain NC.

Hi everyone. I'm exactly a week into NC. I decided to end a 5 month "relationship" that turned FWB when the guy told me he didn't want me as a girlfriend. He led me on massively and just used me basically. I miss him loads, but I realise I miss the person I thought he was. I do hope maybe one day we can be friends, but right now that is absolutely not possible. He sent me a message through FB last night (we were never FB friends as he kept me a secret), and asked why I blocked him. I can't tell if he wrote anything more as I refuse to open the message as he will know I've read it.

For those struggling, this website has been amazing at keeping me on the NC route. I'm only a week in, but I've only ever managed to go 6 days before without caving. This time I blocked him and didn't even give him a reason (I saw him flirting on instagram with another girl so that helped me.) I miss a lot of things and I want him to miss me too, but I don't feel the urge to go back like I have done before. I'm sure there will be times I do, as I miss things, but this site really has helped remind me why I'm doing this: postmalesyndrome.com/how-to-get-him-to-regret-losing-you/

meowimacat · 23/04/2018 22:43

Tictactic I feel that about the guy I was with. However I think it's good that it happened. Sounds like you have a big heart and you gave your all. If you also had some good times from it, then you can take that away. However it's also a huge lesson in what you DON'T want from someone if they treated you badly.

Dimael · 23/04/2018 23:10

@tictactic i’m doing better now thank you. How are you? Think end of last week hit a real low point but took a look at myself in the mirror and thought sort yourself out. I don’t want to find anyone else just yet but trying to see that I have a future with or without him. Cut down on the running and tried yoga and meditation which was good!

Iwouldmarrythebeast · 24/04/2018 09:52

I feel so angry this morning. It feels like by doing nc he is getting off lightly from all the emotion I’m going through. Could happily cut his dick off today

LiteraryDevil · 24/04/2018 10:26

Anger is good! So much better than sadness and anger is quite productive I find.