NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

I don't want answers. I know the answer: he's an emotionally inept and abusive manchild who can't cope with anything life throws at him. I just want to have a rant. Then block him so he can't reply

Best leave it @literarydevil contacting him only will make things worse even if you are venting.

It's 8 weeks since I last saw him and l that feels good I can honestly say I don't miss him very much at all. Only once in a while and usually only briefly. I love having my bed to myself and don't miss sex. Everything with him was a mixture of good but stressful.

I’m with you on that one Literary, would be very satisfying! I did it to a plumber who ended up costing me a lot of money. I sent him a lot of abuse (after trying politely to find a solution to rectify the damage for 2 months) and then blocked him. Childish but satisfying nonetheless. But you’ll probably regret it tomorrow

I keep thinking about his ear wax

I had to clear it out. The thing that annoyed me was that he knew he has excessive ear wax but never cleaned his ears. Now you're not supposed to stick anything in your ear but part of my job is ear care so I know what I'm doing. He could at least have used a flannel to clean away what was visible.

I think my message would go like this, "After some discussion with friends the conclusion is that you are an emotionally inept and abusive, gaslighting manchild who can't cope with anything in life or accept responsibility for your actions or mistakes. As such I do not want to have anything to do with you so we cannot be friends as you'd hoped. It is clear to see why your wife left you and I feel sorry for her. I only had 11 months of your pathetic, self-pitying, can't even plan a date shit; she had years of it and is tied to you for life because you had children together. She has my deepest sympathies. One day you might wake up and realise how you lost everything that was any good in your life because of the way you treated them. I'd feel sorry for you too but you only have yourself to blame. "

Now that is a bloody good message. Worth breaking nc and then blocking him. Though i am not sure I should be encouraging that on this thread.

That is so gross about the ear wax. Poor you and his poor ex wife

I don't think there's any point trying to hold these people to account for their behaviour. It feels like banging your head against a brick wall (in my case) they see nothing wrong with how they are. And the older they get the less likely they will change 🤷🏻‍♀️

He sent me this yesterday

And your reply was either deafening silence or "I'd rather go for coffee with Hannibal Lecter"

Block him x

I've not replied. He's emailed me and for some reason my iCloud service doesn't send all of them to junk. I hope he doesn't show up at my house like he did last time. But if he does I won't answer.

I am going to send the message later on once the children are in bed.

Is there anything I should add?

Sort your personal hygiene out?

Tomorrow is my first full week since November of me making no contact. Only a week 😬

It'll be their second week of happily not speaking to me though 😥

I'm finding it hard, I really want to message, but it's not worth the ache and falling backwards into tears

I have sent this and then immediately blocked. I feel free now. I can properly move on as there's no coming back from that kind of message!
I couldn't bear the thought of him not being told that he's also awful as he genuinely thinks he's a nice guy. It probably won't change his behaviour but once he has a couple more girlfriends leave him for the same things he might consider he's got work to do on himself.

"After some thinking and discussion with friends the conclusion is that you are an emotionally inept and abusive, gaslighting manchild who can't cope with anything in life or accept responsibility for your actions or mistakes. As such I do not want to have anything to do with you so we cannot be friends as you'd hoped. It is clear to see why your wife left you and I feel sorry for her. I only had 11 months of your abusive, sulky, pathetic, self-pitying, can't-even-plan-a-date shit; she had years of it and is tied to you for life because you had children together. She has my deepest sympathies. One day you might wake up and realise how you lost everything that was any good in your life because of the way you treated them. I'd feel sorry for you too, but you only have yourself to blame. "

Guys,
today I finally put on my big girl pants and ended my 8 year on/off relationship. He was totally calm about it, didnt tell me he loved me just accepted it and that was it. stupidly I am devastated that he was so willing to let me walk away. I feel sick and heartbroken, theres thankfully been no contact from him as I know that I would weaken. I am fine one minute and in floods of tears the next. How do you keep your resolve and basically get over it. :(

Onwards
Write The List. Find your anger and vent in here. Well done for calling him on his shit and welcome to the thread. I dumped mine 8 weeks ago but have had the odd contact. Every contact has made me stronger as he's so annoying. Others find it makes them want him back. Silence is power in the beginning whilst you grieve.
My ex didn't seem to care either which hurt.

Good work LD

Pops - keep it up! I’m motoring into day 6 and beginning to feel better already

Onwards silence is power, it’s the only thing you can control at the moment. Particularly if your emotions are all over the place

Thanks Iwould it feels good knowing that this is the absolute end now. 8 weeks after I last saw him and 6 weeks since I dumped him. I imagine he'll have read that and thought what the hell is she on about, I'm not abusive! It will upset him, make him stressed and angry. Which is good because he'll have to deal with that somehow. You can't ignore that. I needed to get it off my chest and to him. I think he was thinking I wanted him back but that makes it very clear I don't, and why.
Just realised his hospital appointment is this week and I'll never get to find out the results of his tests but I don't care. Well, only a little.

literary onwards and upwards for you! Well done for this evening

My day 6. Feeling much better this morning. NC is giving me control on a situation that I felt had no control over this time last week.

I caved and replied to mine :( I said I can't meet him because I'm busy this week which I am. He said he misses me. Oh dear 😢 I suppose I'm worried that he will show up at my house.

Had some contact today after 6 days of NC, mine was the last message 6 days ago. He congratulated me on a recent achievement I'd put on SM. Now in a dilemma as to whether to reply noncommittally, say thank you or ignore? For now ignoring.

But bloody hell my heart lifted when I got that message, how ridiculous is that.